Ode to Hashing
by Bo Derek, with apologies to Ogden Nash
I wish there was a bad word I could say about hashing, but I can't,
And even if there were, I shan't,
Because hashing is a healthy outdoor sport
Which fulfills all those healthy things we've been taught,
Like "Exercise in moderation is good",
And even if it doesn't work as it should, it should.
At what else in the world can you work up a healthy sweat,
(Pardon me, ladies, but when men perspire, they get really wet!)
Get scratched to death by acacia thorns,
Create a shambles by running briskly through a farmer's corns,
Get bitten and all itchy from horse flies, who seem
To love Rid and Off and all that gelatinous insect repellant cream,
Claw your way through thick jungles without fear,
And finish up quaffing mugs of lovely Bintang Beer?
When I began hashing I thought I would really hate it,
But now I rate it,
Alongside sex, body surfing, skiing and horse riding,
As amongst those pleasures of life which are the most abiding.
Ah for the unexpected thrill
Of homeward plodding your weary way up a long, steep hill,
Only to find that you are merely half way,
And that after a long rest you are going to have to hurl yourself back into the fray!
And isn't it a joy to see all those mummies and daddies
Being helped by their puppy children out of those squelchy rice paddies,
Or to run blythly along a trail thinking "What a caper",
Only to find that you are off the paper?
Cries of "On On", and "Checking"
Take on new meaning when you find two hashers breaking Rule 26, and necking,
Or you are trying to follow the trail in teaming rain,
And realise that the track you are following has become a swirling drain,
And that all those little squares of paper or specks of lime floating by
Were supposed to lead you home so you don't get completely lost, and die.
Descending steep hills
Takes on a number of new and invigorating thrills
When the trail is covered by gravel,
And you discover that sliding down on your bottom is a great way to travel.
In fact, if you discount the bruises,
It is almost as restful as one of those tropic island cruises,
With the added advantages for bad sailors
That firstly you don't get seasick; and that secondly, after you have visited the tailors,
You can proudly display your new trousers
Worn under your well-earned Hash T-shirts or blouses.
So pooh to those who denigrate Hashing!
I hope when you get home your spouse gives you a good tongue-lashing,
And says "If you want with me to share some passion,
You'd better come Hashin'."