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From Cheyenne
Fred was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his pastor. As the pastor stood beside the bed, Fred's frail condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Fred used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.
The pastor thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket.
Several days later, at the funeral, the pastor delivered the eulogy. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Fred died. "You know," he said "ol Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word o inspiration there for us all."
He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
There's a little fellow named Junior who hangs out at Tim Alley's Grocery Store. The owner Tim doesn't know what Junior's problem is, but the boys like to tease him. They way he is two bricks shy of a load, or two pickles shy of a barrel. To prove it, sometimes they offer Junior his choice between a nickle and a dime. He always takes the nickel, they say, because it's bigger. One day after Junior grabbed the nickel, Tim got him off to one side and said "Junior, those boysare making fun of you. They think you don't know the dime is worth more than the nickel. Are you grabbing the nickel because it's bigger, or what?"
Junior said, "Well, if I took the dime, they'd quit doing it!"
In answer to the eternal question
"Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?"
Read the following:
Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.
Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!
Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes 7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike)
He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000), it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be "reimbursed" $33,390 for that round.
Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into his tax deferred account (401k), he will hit the federal cap of $9,500 for such accounts at 8:30 a.m. on Januuary 1st, 1997
If you were given a tenth of a penny for every dollar he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the olympics.
He'll make about $15,600 while the Boston Marathon is being run.
While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5,600.
Next year, he'll make more than twice as much as all of our past presidents for all of their terms combined.
Amazing isn't it? BUT:
Jordan will have to save 100% of his income for 270 years to have a net worth equivant to that of Bill Gates.
NERDS RULE! NERDS RULE! NERDS RULE!
Your Joke could be next
The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Fred used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died.
The pastor thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped it into his jacket pocket.
Several days later, at the funeral, the pastor delivered the eulogy. He realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he'd worn the day Fred died. "You know," he said "ol Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word o inspiration there for us all."
He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"
In answer to the eternal question "Is it better to be a jock or a nerd?"
Read the following:
Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute, assuming he averages about 30 minutes per game.
Assuming $40 million in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)!
Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head.
If he goes to see a movie, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there.
If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it.
He makes 7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike)
He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000), it would take him a whole 12 hours.
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second.
He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be "reimbursed" $33,390 for that round.
Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into his tax deferred account (401k), he will hit the federal cap of $9,500 for such accounts at 8:30 a.m. on Januuary 1st, 1997
If you were given a tenth of a penny for every dollar he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year.
He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the olympics.
He'll make about $15,600 while the Boston Marathon is being run.
While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5,600.
Next year, he'll make more than twice as much as all of our past presidents for all of their terms combined.
Amazing isn't it? BUT:
Jordan will have to save 100% of his income for 270 years to have a net worth equivant to that of Bill Gates.
NERDS RULE! NERDS RULE! NERDS RULE!
Your Joke could be next
