> friday nov two.eight || chicago soundtrack - all that jazz <
quick note before i run off. erm. summer layout completely escaped me this time, so it may not be up for a while, a week maybe, since knowing me, or rather knowing him, i might not make it home before tuesday, monday if i'm lucky, and then i need a day or two recovery.
to everyone who's poppping overseas for the holidays, have a great time, guys!!!! i'm so jealous but i'm also waiting on souvenirs from exotic places yes yes?? XD
see you all soooooon!!! ^^
> tuesday nov two.five || busta rhymes + janet jackson - what's it gonna be <
the thing with my mother, with a lot of parents i think, is that she keeps coming up with the argument that her life experience outweighs any of my claims of pseudo-experience, given my youth. sigh. ...if she only knew...
the truth is, at the risk of sounding like an angry, irrational, cocky teenager, the truth is that the Experience that she wields like a weapon was forged from a time, a culture, a whole different society, a place in time without eleven year olds in g-strings taking e, and as such her experience as a teenage seems largely inapplicable to today.
it's not that she's forgotten what it's like to be young. but rather that, mummy has never been young in the world that i am young, and she never will be.
> monday nov two.four || ken hirai - l'amant (da lata rmx) <
ramya is a funny girl. =D
> sunday nov two.three || ella fitzgerald - these foolish things <
i keep seeing dead animals on the way to and from work. i'm not sure if this is some sort of minute coincidence or something... more. i'm nervous.
> thursday nov two.oh || seatbelts - bad dog no biscuits <
two horrible exams. one fateful day. distinct lack of preparation. nuff sed.
> sunday nov one.six || faye wong - answering machine <
no no no no no you can't fucking say that to me. not now. not ever. we might have been something, back then. but we are not anything now. and we won't be, ok? what's changed? well that's a stupid question. no. it's impossible. why. oh. um. yeah... actually. yeah. no. yeah. he's... he's very very sweet to me. i... i don't know. a month is a long time. longer than it sounds. lots of things can happen in very little time. like, i mean, look at us...
but you... well, i kinda figured you would have moved on, i guess. that's just how i pictured you.
i know. i noticed. i dunno. i guess i was busy. but partly, no, i didn't really want to talk to you.
i'm sorry, but that's just how... i... i don't know... i don't mean to hurt you. and i'm sorry. i am. i'm sorry. but no no no, shut up, don't say that, i don't want to cry too. that's stupid. having two people doing nothing over the phone except cry. except i have no reason to cry. and neither do you, so please, don't. please, stop.
um. i'm going to say let's be friends, because that's what's done, isn't it? but that's stupid, and pointless, coz you and me, we both know, we can't be friends, don't we? pity, yeah.
fuck. yeah. i have sensationally bad timing, i know.
please. don't say that that, we hardly even knew each other.
look. um. sorry. i think it might be better if we just, i don't know, hang up now, anything beyond here would be considered rather masochistic... yeah. haha. um. sure. i'll do that. you too. take care of yourself, k? mm. bye.
> saturday nov one.five || LISA ft Joi - Freak Me <
apparently it reached a scorching top of 39 degrees today, that's roughly 102 for those of your working on fahreinheit. the canopy outside the grocery that i work at was hit by a car on tuesday, and so in the interests of public safety removed until next week. and such being the case, the afternoon sunshine happily finds its way across the front half of the store, especially lingering around the register. freddo frogs and kinder surprises were among the many casualties. me? my right arm is three shades darker than my left arm but i'm great. all i have to do now, is serve the customers ass end front all next week, and my summer tan will be perfected.
> thursday nov one.three || garbage - i'm only happy when it rains <
more money, more love, and more fulfilment. which one matters the most? do i chase after one blindly, or divide a limited attention to the chimera of all three at once, or alternate, according to some unseen, prefabricated pattern, as the cycle of disappointment spins, with me stuck in a rut, flashing past snatched moments of sparkly happiness and asphyxiating loneliness, round and round.
suddenly, from out of the blue, floored by an impossible emptiness, which, it seems, nothing can possibly fulfil.
for all this wasted eloquence, i can't ever seem to find the right words. never, i'm never able to contruct to my liking, the complex, mitigatory structures i need to deflect those innumerable promises, that are not to be taken seriously.
> monday nov one.oh || aimee mann - save me <
just popping in to say hi, and then i have to be off. sorry, not much time to talk lately. yes, it's november, darling. time is a precious, precious commodity right now, even more so than usual. hmm? ohh. really? well, i guess i might just stay a little while then...
> tuesday nov oh.four || shai/silk - freak me (let me lick you) <
go, horsie, go go go! ke.
indeed, the boy is smarter than he looks, though the nature of the statement, compliment or otherwise, is debatable. hmmm, butt monkey is also more distracting than previously given credit for, status -or lack thereof- of writing folio due on friday(x_x!) alone will be testament to that. presently, i look set to be repeating a couple of subjects again next year. what jolly good fun we shall have. yay horsie.
> thursday oct three.oh || shakira - underneath your clothes <
"if he can't even dance, and you're going out with him, then i guess he really must be something special."
yes, mummy, he really is very, very special.
"...but he's still not allowed to sleep in your room."
lol. heh. yep. newaiz... O.T: a few new sketches up...
> monday oct two.seven || utada hikaru - 100 reasons why <
well, sensei, since you've already asked the same question three times, using smaller and smaller words, but since i didn't study, and i still don't get you, i'm just going to put on a super cute anime voice -- you look scared -- and ramble on about whatever it is that i can think of, using completely inappropriate, non-existent words that i've probably just this second made up anyway -- you look very confused -- H1 average be damned. uber coolness.
> sunday oct two.six || dido - white flag <
when i was three, my father bought me a piano. in the hopes that somewhere deep inside me there was the musical genius that he had, i was never allotted a single piano lesson, and left largely, and quite unsuccessfully to figure it out myself. i never had the patience for that thing, playing with sand and mud was on the whole a lot more appealing to me.
four, five years ago, the deek shipped the beast of a crappy ivory wastage from fuzhou, china, to melbourne, australia. and it sits in the dining room still, never having been tuned in a decade give or take, and the B flat below middle C stuck periodically.
when i'm feeling blue, i whap it a little. strangely enough, my blue days seem mostly to fall on rainy days, when the moisture in the air makes the keys even more sluggish and the sound completely urgh. so that the more i play, the worse i feel.
> thursday oct two.three || 50 cent - get rich or die trying (album) <
the skies in the city at night glow a shade of red. it's not shepards delight, i mean, at eight or nine in the evening, long after the sun has gone down. what is it that makes the clouds glow a cottony red? it may be the smog, but it's beautiful. you know those federation bells on the yarra river? near the plank bridge bad for cyclists and ferns that look like they've been stolen out of the jurrasic park set, they're apparently programmed to play over fifty different compositions. most of which are mildly annoying from afar, jarring up close, and, largely indistinguishable from on another.
> wednesday oct two.two || nancy sinatra - bang bang <
ai.tin.nah.ri: hang wit da boi. sleep. work. work. miss da boi. work. sleep. work. work. placate da boi. sleep. fail exam. make up/out wit da boi. zoo wit da boi. make trippin plans wit da girls. get excited. jump around. sleep. class. da boi debuts and stilts conversation wit da girls. martinis wit da boi. more time wit da boi. ignore boi. sleep. bad champagne wit da boi. debut in boi's natural environment. more boi time. sleep.
if i spent as much time over the last week wit my books as i did wit da boi, could very easily ace all my exams, and probably have finished my other seven essays no worries. but hey, i'm not really complaining. ...even if we've become one of those ewwy, digustingly soppy, gooey, waffy couples that i hate. X3 really, i ain't complaining.
> friday oct one.seven || moby - my weakness <
not just some crazy tarantino fan ranting... seriously... be enthralled. draw blood.
i wanted to see you alone today, just in case you had questions, if you wanted 'to talk', which inevitably you did. because i figured as much, that the three pages of honesty on my part would not go down well with you, even if that was what you had asked for. i was so scared i was going to lose you already. this hasn't been the best start. we've lost so much time already, taking turns waiting for each other, and finally making the way out of that foggy quagmire... i couldn't have done it if you weren't there holding my hand. i'm glad you're with me. i'm glad to be with you.
> wednesday oct one.five || thievery corporation - resolution <
no braces. i can't stop running my tongue over my teeth. i feel totally naked. totally hot, and totally naked. to celebrate, i've already had an apple with the skin on; i plan on eating lots of minties and fruit rollups, and tonight, will get pissed ass drunk over daquiris where i'll ask for the strawberries to be crushed instead of blended, because you know what? they're not going to get stuck in my non existent braces! ha ha ha ha ooooooooh yeahhhh, baby. X3
> tuesday oct one.four || jay chow - speechless <
my new phone bill lists all the numbers that i have msged. this particular invoice is nine pages long. its very pretty blue colours. how did i manage to send over two hundred text messages in a month? do i do this shit in my sleep or what?
nine msn's virtual life game begins today. i ish a reporter 8).
> sunday oct one.two || choobaka ft lady j - she's feelin' me <
i only said what i said because i thought that was what you wanted to hear, because neither of us, we don't want, don't deserve to go back to that place. i'm weak. i'm too eager to please. with you i'm especially weak. i want to please you. and some days it seems like anything and everything is simpler than the truth.
> friday oct one.oh || mary j blige - didn't mean <
the lifts don't work without his key. the fire escape it is. you don't remember ever feeling this weak before. and on the seventeenth floor, you have to stop, sit on the concrete steps, and stare at the garbage chute in the wall for a long time. it's not cold anymore, outside. you're home early, she says. no reply. mutual irritation. can't sit still. you go for a run. maybe eight, nine kms. maybe twice your usual distance, no sign of weak knees. the evening air is different from the morning, there's the dusty smell of exhaust, it's probably worse for your health than not running. you cry in the shower. and then, suddenly, you're ok. you think. yes. you're ok.
> thursday oct oh.nine || dinah washington - is you or is you ain't my baby? (rae & christian remix) <
what has caught my camera's lens...
wanted: army camouflage print low cut panties with 'ACCESS DENIED' printed on the ass. help me find them i will love you forever.
meanwhile. only three more weeks of uni to go. minor renaissance of 'commitment issues'. yuk. will quash soon as have courage and/or industrial strength gloves to deal with.
> saturday oct oh.four || kelly rowland - simply deep (album) <
why do i bother ......? fucked if i know.
> friday oct oh.three || sting - windmills of your mind <
you wake up. you wish you hadn't. you venture an inquisitive arm out of the blankets; it's way too cold. but hey, at least you're waking up in a proper bed this morning, your own bed and your head doesn't hurt either, and today, there's no retching of regret into any unfamiliar toilet bowls and all the important articles of clothing are where they're meant to be.
waking up has not been pleasant lately. mostly because this changing state of consciousness leads to all the thinking, mulling over the very things you wish you didn't have to keep mulling over, and those things which have not yet, thankfully, penetrated to the refuge of sleep. what have you done? what are you doing? why do you keep doing it? it's not right, it's not fair, it's not even you.
you look around, mostly at the ceiling, blurry without your contacts, stained a faint pink from the light filtering through the curtains, and ponder the last few days. you cringe a bit. smile to yourself some. beat yourself up a bit mentally, and finally settle your face into what you hope is a confused, thoughtful half-frown. then you remember all the work that needs to be done before monday, and your frown evolves to incoporate sizable amounts of disgust.
hmm. two missed calls. him. irritation. you'll relieved, almost glad you missed it. no new messages. add self pity, more disgust. the tamagochi-like cat on your phone, as with most mornings, is starving, so you feed it. It's grown such a big head now. And it just seems to get more and more pink and round. You wish it were less pink and less fat, but feeding it won't change that, if anything, it'll just get more fat and more pink, and its head will get bigger, and when its contentment status bar reads below 20%, it'll roll around on the floor and stick its tongue out meow meow. and you'll become even more attached to this cat that doesn't even have a proper name yet.
you consider a morning jog, because you fancy you can feel your leg muscles slackening, maybe you can pick up a paper on the way. but you fall asleep again. you wake up. you wish you hadn't.
> wednesday oct oh.one || chingy - that thurr <
so very wasted. forgot had shower already and went had another one. then attempted to brush teeth with moisturiser. for clearer and visibly purer teeth, giving your gums the moisture you need. haha. doesn't look like i'll be getting any sleep tonight either.
> monday sept two.nine || the wallflowers - heroes <
everything is fine. i swear. i'm getting my braces off in seventeen days. how can things not be fine?
> sunday sept two.eight || lisa - you said <
you said... a lot of things. don't say anything any more ok? shut up. shut the fuck up, ok? please...
> saturday sept two.seven || brier ft mine sin hold - deal <
canto is beautiful. must learn to speak canto. lunch wif ppl i dunno is beautiful too. must do that more often as well. and then kill self shopping with beautiful canto-speaking girls.΄σΚΥ»ρ!
this brier chick is so talented. dis is definitely on my wishlist!!!
> friday sept two.six || foh - juicy (drunk mix) <
so many books to read =D so little time =(
happy birthday to Diliky, Regan, Kean and Ally! X3
{edit: and who could forget franki heh}
> wednesday sept two.four || dice k ft maiko - tears of luv <
5:37AM. The garbage trucks have come and gone. I'm still wide awake. Finished my essay at about two. But then... I don't know what happend for the last three hours. Just that all of a sudden I have twenty two, three pages of verbal vomit in the wrong notebook. Most of which is illegible, and the bits that are, very cringe inducing. sigh. whatever. Good morning.
> monday sept two.two || placebo - every you every me <
digital rice has fkd up jack's blog. the many avid addicts of his verbiage are suffering from withdrawal symptoms. and jack, obviously, is under a lot of stress. if you know him personally, please give him a hug.
> sunday sept two.one || princess superstar - kool keith's ass <
everything will be fine again, soon as i finish these last three assignments and the cheque clears on thursday. in the meantime, if you want tickets for reclaim, i'm the one you need to suck up to, and the i'll refer u over to a very nice smelling boy.
> saturday sept two.oh || genuine ft baby - hell yeah <
hey, i'm annie. i like dancing dirty, tequila shots and lots of attention. nice to meet you.
> wednesday sept one.seven || eminem - the marshall mathers LP (album) <
it worries me how many freshly squished snails i encounter when i'm out walking now. i hope it's just the recent rain that's been drawing them out for the seemingly mass suicides, and not an all year round phenomenon. why i've taken to looking at the ground almost permanently worries me too. being antisocial is definitely easier on my smile muscles, but not so good for the neck ones.
> tuesday sept one.six || nitro microphone underground - freestyle <
"Where is fuck that Annie?" CCC Assignment1 (1334/1500) screeches, "I'm only two hundred words from being finished... is she doing that vodka in her coffee thing again?? I hope she really does throw up this time!"
CSF Assignment (200/3000) peeks up sleepily, "nah, I think she's trying on her new pants again. They were a bit tight yesterday, and she's probably hoping she's lost a bit of weight with all the stress today. Or something."
"Ha! She slept in until eleven, missed class, and then spent the arvo gorging on freaking half price mooncakes! Why doesn't she just give up on the pants and get her fat ass back here?"
Shaking its non-existent head sadly, OpEd Essay (0/700) considers imparting info that the fat ass has in fact squeezed into too tight pants and is doing her too short nails in cherry red (again), but decides to hold its metaphorical tongue.
Things have been very tense lately. it's healthy to get away for a bit and pretend there's nothing pressing but to hold one's breath and watch paint dry.
> thursday sept one.one || shimano momoe - next lounge <
it's moon festival and annie is steeped in very deep doo-doo. the digging of oneself from named heap will begin soon as alanah hill's 70% off sale has been exhausted with girls tomorrow. no problem. play by day and dig dig dig all night. i can live on two hours of sleep. everybody smile and eat mooncake.
> tuesday sept oh.nine || utada hikaru - never let go <
all those people who are so nice all the time... don't they find it tiring? is it a lot of effort to keep smiling even when all you want to do inside is cause grievious bodily harm? or do you never even want to anything but for other people to be comfortable and happy?
and all the optimists... don't they get tired either?
on the way to work the other day there was a bird claw on the footpath. almost like a chicken claw, (termed pheonix claw at yum cha), but less fleshy (and definitely less cooked). it wasn't very big, and i don't know why i happened to notice it. but there it was, a little bird claw, grey-brown, curled up, two of front digits more so than the third, with no sign of a formerly attached body around anywhere. the claw's former owner was most likely victim to a cat, though there were no traces of a struggle nearby. but i can't imagine that a bird would lose a limb merely through choice. even if it had chosen to do that, how did it detach its own leg?
in any case, unless it was a begger seagull by occupation, the future probably isn't very bright, or long, either, for a one legged bird.
> saturday sept oh.six || moby ft princess superstar - jam for the ladies <
you ain't never lost a drinking contest until you've lost to an azn girl half your size. four times. ha ha ha. i rock.
> thursday sept oh.four || misia - it's just love <
those chinese debaters are weird, weird people.
> tuesday sept oh.two || stacie orrico - there's gotta be more to life <
Ha ha ha. What a dodgy layout. Maybe I'll fix it up, the UI being currently very unfriendly, borderline offensive. But then so am I, so most likely it stays the way it is. One seems to have become super adept at half assed efforts lately.
