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The perfect man is gentle never cruel or mean.
He has a beautiful smile and keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children and will raise them by your side.
He will be a good father as well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking cleaning and vacuuming, too.
He'll do anything in his power to convey his feelings of love on to you.
The perfect man is sweet writing poetry from your name.
He's a best friend to your mother and kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry or battered you in any way...
To hell with this endless poem...
The Perfect Man is gay.
*****
HAVE A MICROSOFT CHRISTMAS
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house Not a creature was stirring, except father's mouse.
The computer was humming, the icons were hopping, As father did last-minute Internet shopping.
The stockings were hung next the modem with care In the hope that Santa would bring new software.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds, With visions of computer games filling their heads.
Dark Forces for Billy, Doom II for Dan, Carmen Sandiego for Pamela Ann.
The letters to Santa had been sent out by mum, To santa@toyshop.northpole.com
Which now had been re-routed to Washington State Where Santa's workshop had been moved by Bill Gates.
All the elves and the reindeer had had to skedaddle To flashy new quarters in suburban Seattle.
After living a life that was simple and spare, Santa now finds he's a new billionaire,
With a shiny red Porsche in place of his sleigh, And a house on Lake Washington just down the way
From where Bill has his mansion.
The old fellow preens In black Gucci boots and red Calvin Klein jeans.
The elves have stock options and desks with a view, Where they write computer code for Johnny and Sue.
No more dolls or tin soldiers or little toy drums Will be under the tree, only compact disk roms With the Microsoft label.
So spin up your drive, From now on Christmas runs only on Win95.
More rapid than eagles the competitors came, And Bill whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Now, ADOBE!
now, CLARIS!
now,INTUIT! too,
Now, APPLE! and NETSCAPE!
you're all of you through, It's Microsoft's SANTA that the kids can't resist, It's the ultimate software with a traditional twist
Recommended by no less than the jolly old elf, And on the package, a picture of Santa himself.
Get 'em young, keep 'em long, is Microsoft's theme, And a merger with Santa is a marketer's dream.
To the top of the NASDAQ! To the top of the Dow! Now dash away! dash away! dash away - wow!"
And mum in her 'kerchief and me in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, The whirr and the hum of our satellite platter,
As it turned toward that new Christmas star in the sky, The SANTALITE owned by the Microsoft guy.
As I sprang from my bed and was turning around, My computer turned on with a Jingle-Bells sound.
And there on the screen was a smiling Bill Gates Next to jolly old Santa, two arm-in-arm mates.
And I heard them exclaim in voices so bright, have a Microsoft Christmas, and to all a good night!
*****
Being Gay In A Straight World
I don’t speak for all gay people, just for myself.
I am your Brother, your best friend, your Parent, your roommate,
Your minister, your date..
But I hide it from you.
You make me!!
Try to understand what I am feeling..
Being Gay Is: to be condemned by most churches as sinful,
By some health professionals as pathological and curable,
And by the Law as Criminal.
It is to live two separate lives, never being able to be
Completely honest in either.
It is listening to your friends talking about Queers and making jokes,
About effeminate males and athletic looking females,
As you stand there knowing they would say
The same thing about you.
It is to go along with the Men/Women as they watch the opposite sex
When you would much rather watch your own gender.
It is to awaken every morning, live every day, and sleep every night
Fearing discovery and/or rejection by your
Family, friends, and co-workers.
It is dating people of the opposite gender when you don’t want to,
Just to maintain a cover.
It is pretending to be ignorant about homosexuality and quietly listening
to your straight friends display their ignorance.
While you dare not correct them.
It is meeting someone you really like but are too afraid to find out if they
are gay because they are wearing the same mask as you.
It is going to a public place with you partner
And not being able to display your affections for one another.
It is being taught to hate yourself, knowing you cannot change.
Knowing you can never share that wonderful feeling of being in love
With your family and most of your friends..