ACID TEST
printed with permission of DrSpankenstein@aol.com
Introduction
The term ‘Acid Test’ is an old prospecting term. A
powerful acid can dissolve most base metals in a matter of
minutes. However, gold will stand up to most acids.
So the ‘Acid Test’ was an easy way for people to make sure
they had a real nugget of gold and not a lump of the
‘fool's’ variety. In the same way, these tests are
meant to be quick ways to identify fake Doms. Passing all
these tests is no guarantee either, there is no replacement for
getting to know your prospective partner as well as possible
BEFORE YOU EVEN MEET IN PERSON.
Now most of these tests are designed in mind for a submissive
female trying to sort through men claiming to be Doms online.
They are largely based on the many questions I get asked by my
female friends still searching for a Dominant partner.
Some of them can probably be used by male subs as well, but for
the most part, these tests are best for ferreting out male
fakes. Vanilla males are usually after ‘easy sex’ and this
motive makes them easier to identify than a lot of the fake
Dommes out there.
Step One: Do the Math
Various estimates and surveys have placed the ratio of true
(i.e., natural) male sexual Dominants to female sexual
submissives at about one to ten. However, a quick count in
any given D/s oriented chat room would lead you to believe that
male Doms outnumber the subs at about two to one. Now if
there is actually only one male Dom for every ten female subs,
that means that 19 out of the 20 "Doms" you see online
HAVE TO BE FAKES. Keep this in mind. There is a 95%
chance that any man you talk to online claiming to be a Dom is
no such thing. This leads us to our first rule, a rule
that all statisticians and scientists already know by heart:
"When in doubt, throw it out!"
Your search for a suitable Dominant partner (especially if you
are seeking a serious long term relationship as well) could
easily take years. That's hardly surprising, most people
spend years looking for that special lover, be they
‘vanilla’ or otherwise. So don't be disheartened by
all these drastic ratios. BUT DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME
either. If any of the prospects you are chatting with
online makes you feel uncomfortable for any reason, drop him.
Don’t give him ‘three strikes’ or ‘extra chances to
win.’ Block out his screen-name and move on. There
was only a one in twenty chance he was legitimate anyway.
Trust your instincts!
Step Two: Know Your Enemy
We call them Snerts. We call them HNG’s (Horny Net
Geeks). We call them Wannabes. We call them Control
Freaks. And sometimes, tragically, we even find some that
can only be called rapists and predators. They are all
your ENEMY. Don’t bother thinking they are
anything less. Even a more or less well meaning Snert can
land you in a hospital. Sexual Dominance and submission is
not for dilettantes or amateurs: Not, no, and never!
Even if he turns out to be a more or less nice guy, if he’s
not a Dom, he’s not going to give you what you really need,
and he will likely give you many things you don’t (like
medical bills and other assorted headaches).
The Snert
Snerts are basically looking for easy sex. They are
counting on the (highly inaccurate) assumption that sexual
submissives are simply ‘easy lays.’ Nothing
could be farther from the truth, but that doesn’t deter them
at all. They are typically middle aged to somewhat older men.
They are often married. They are usually trying to
bolster their flagging vanilla sex lives with some casual
screwing around. They target submissives because they
think that they won't make demands on there sexual prowess
(another bad assumption). They can be easily spotted
because they almost always demand or at least emphasize sexual
intercourse being a part of their ‘scenes.’
The HNG (Horny Net Geek)
HNG’s are usually the most harmless (and yet often the most
annoying) of the enemy types. Most are teenagers and young
men looking for some quick cyber-sex or even phone-sex.
They are usually pretty sophisticated about there D/s jargon and
the ‘scenes’ they describe to you can be pretty elaborate.
Geeks do their homework. They scour the porno sites for
ideas, and hang out in D/s chats for hours on end learning the
‘lingo.’ The are most easily spotted because they want
to move on to cyber-sex and phone sex very quickly. They
like to offer online collars, and spend hours on end in chat
rooms ‘playing’ with their ‘subbies.’
Don’t waste your time with them.
Control Freaks
The second most dangerous type of enemy is the Control Freak.
Control freaks are what most psychologists and therapists call
‘controlling personalities.’ They are the type
of person that wants to be in control of everything around
them. They want all their family and friends to
behave exactly as they say. They are extremely
manipulative people. These men can be dangerous because
many really have convinced themselves that they are Dominants as
a way to justify their dysfunctional lives. Many
inexperienced submissives find themselves ‘naturally’
attracted to these men because outwardly they seem so ‘in
command’ of things all the time. The truly ironic (and sad)
thing is, a controlling personality is actually the closest
thing to the OPPOSITE of a sexual Dominant.
Controls Freaks can be spotted because they often talk about
‘taking care of you’ and also ‘knowing what’s best for
you.’ They almost always try to play on your emotions;
especially guilt. They also usually criticize and even
resent the advice you get from other people. They often
talk about 24/7 D/s relationships without going into any details
about what kind of actual scenes they play. They are fond
of telling you that they prefer the ‘mental aspect’ of
Domination and submission. They tend to be both demanding
and argumentative. Nothing you do will ever be ‘quite
right.’ While all this may seem very repulsive and easy
to avoid, be on your guard, the average control freak often
seems very charming initially. Once they have their
‘hooks’ into you its very hard to get untangled.
Rapists and Predators
The last and most dangerous type of enemy is the rapist or
predator. These are the men most likely to damage or even
end your life. The truly frightening thing about these
evil men it that there is NO easy way to spot them.
Rapists can be anything from bums to bank mangers, and anyone
from family members to total strangers. One in four women
has suffered an attack from this vile creature, and one in seven
men as well! There motive is violence. The
best defense is never make yourself too vulnerable.
To defend yourself from predators, learn all the in's and out's
of setting up a good Safety Net. Follow these procedures
religiously. Most important of all TAKE YOUR TIME getting
to know your prospective play partners. This is good
advice in any case. If you know your partner well,
you’re more likely to have a good time with him (because you
will feel more comfortable during that first Scene).
Predators are more likely to move on in search of easy prey,
they do tend to be impulsive. If a ‘dom’ you have been
talking too suddenly seems to loose interest in you after a
period of time, you may have just saved your own life.
Don’t go chasing after anybody. A true Dom doesn't need
to play ‘hard to get.’
Step 3: Know your goal!
Take the time to figure out what you want. It’s often
hard for newbie subs to do this because sometimes they lack
knowledge of what choices are available to them. SO
ARM YOURSELF WITH KNOWLEDGE! There are many fine
publications, books, and internet websites that cater to sexual
submissives. So start reading! Learn about the
different types of play and how they should be conducted.
Learn everything you can about how to set up a Safety Net.
Learn all the do’s and don’ts of meeting others and playing
safely. Decide what your Limits are and set them down on
paper. This may seem like a lot of homework to do in the
name of fun, but also keep in mind that that it’s your ASS
that’s (literally) on the line here.
Know what a real Dom acts like. Remember, you are probably
a sexual submissive because you ARE in control the rest of the
time. You are strong! Likely even ambitious as well.
You have a career, or goals, or a lifestyle that demands this
high level of energy and control. So giving away your
control is a beautiful respite from everyday life. Your
power and energy is something you only want to give to someone
you trust, and in intimate situations at that. It’s a
very personal thing to you!
Well guess what, sexual Dominants are usually the compliment of
this. We are strong people too, and we do tend to be
intelligent. We are often highly trained professionals or
skilled craftsmen. However, we tend to avoid lifestyles
and careers that demand we be in control all the time. We
tend to be easygoing. I have never in my life met, or even
heard of, an uptight sexual Dominant. We like being in
control in INTIMATE situations. It’s a respite from the
way we live OUR everyday lives. We are not really the
opposite of you, but we are the ‘puzzle piece’ that fits
next to you snugly. In another words, don't look for a Dom
that’s exactly like you. You won't find him.
Don’t look for a Dom that wants to run your whole life; he
doesn't exist.
ABOVE ALL, if you’re prospective Dom seems like a generally
‘nice guy’ you’re likely on the right track! Take
the time to get to know him. Don't let the five control
freaks on the other side of the chat room demand your attention.
A natural Dom isn’t likely to make demands until its time to
play.
Step 4: Memorize the Acid Tests!
Test #1: When in doubt, throw it out! Don’t waste
your time with people that make you feel uncomfortable.
Even if the guy was a real Dom, if his personality makes you
feel uncomfortable, he’s not going to be fun to play with.
Test #2: "You’d better call me Sir!" is the
mating call of a HNG or control freak. Real Doms don't
have to ask for titles, we EARN them. Most real Doms will
say things like "please, call me Mike…"
Test #3: "I want you to take my collar before you
play with me." This is another common demand of
fakes, most often made by control freaks. They have
to isolate you from other people and their advice, and sometimes
a little ole "cyber-collar" is just the thing!
Cyber-collars are worth less than the leather required to make
one.
Test #4: If you get an Instant Message that says something
like "On your knees you [slave, slut, bitch, whore,
etc.]" This is the mating call of the HNG.
Use some common sense here. Why waste time with somebody
that’s not even polite? There’s a time and a place for
these endearing terms, and it isn’t online!
Test #5: "I don't have to answer that question!"
or "It’s not proper etiquette for you to ask a Master
that." are examples of some the dangerous LIES that control
freaks and snerts use. This is the Acid test I personally
think is the most important! A Dom had better be ready to
at least TRY and answer every question you have, and HONESTLY at
that! Its literally your ass that’s on the line!
Never forget this!
Test #6: "Its my way or the highway!" or words
to that effect, are the mating cry of the common control freak.
Doms can have Limits too, but its your Limits that count FIRST.
Don’t let any would-be ‘dom’ tell you differently.
Don’t let any of the wannabe subs tell you differently either.
Where Male Dom/Fem sub play is concerned, it’s ALWAYS LADY’S
CHOICE!
Test #7: Don't bother with online collars. Don't
make decisions about a prospective partner based on his online
play style. It’s a very simple test if you think about
it: would a real life Dominant waste time on cyber sex?
Please take my word for it; the answer is NO. Forget it,
once you’ve done the real thing, cyber is just too damn dull.
Test #8: Ask your prospect if he’s ever made any
mistakes during a scene. If he say’s ‘no,’ run
for your life! If he says, ‘very rarely,’ at least be
suspicious. Everyone makes mistakes, even if they are
experienced players. Sometimes submissives have Limits they
don't even know about, and even the most careful and skilled Dom
the world will trip over these occasionally. Remember, according
to our good friends of the Christian faith, the last perfect guy
to walk this planet got nailed to a tree for his trouble. So
expect competence, but not miracles.
Test #9 "I’m a [bank president, captain of
industry, TV producer, self-made millionaire… yadda yadda
yadda.]" Wouldn’t it be nice to meet a rich Dom
too? Sure it would! But use some common sense too.
How many captains of industry have hours to spend in an AOL chat
room? Also, think about this personality profile; if this
super successful, always-in-control person is really into D/s,
he’s likely a submissive! I have met a lot of female
submissives that fit this ambitious profile, but not one Dom
yet!
Test #10 "I’m 33 years old, and I’ve been a
Master for 15 years." Gimme a break! What are the
odds? When you ask about a Doms level of experience (and
its a good idea to do so) remember to do the math as well.
18 year old boys don’t care about the intricacies of D/s; they
want to get laid. Trust me on this one Ladies, I was an 18 year
old boy once! I personally believe that people do become
what they are (be it gay, straight, Dom or sub) very early in
life, but it takes maturity and training to be a Master.
What are the odds a person became a Master when they were still
using clearacil?
Test #11 Ask for references! Especially if he claims
to be ‘very experienced.’ Talk to the
references ON THE PHONE. Lots of HNG’s have female
screen-names set up to act as ‘references’ for them! I
notice that a lot of newbies seem to have trouble with this
concept. Which is understandable since in the vanilla
world its considered rude to talk to a guy’s ex-girlfriend.
But in the D/s Scene its the opposite, experienced players will
accept and accommodate this kind of request gladly.
Test #12 "I have three real life collared slaves
right now, but you can't talk to them." Okay, when
you consider the ratio and all, this sounds possible.
What makes this an acid test failed (and failed miserably at
that) is the last part. I have met couples (and even
triples) that really were looking for an extra person to add to
the mix. This is not uncommon at all in the Scene.
But these couples were looking TOGETHER. If a ‘dom’
has anyone already collared to them, you probably ought to talk
to her FIRST!
Test #13 "I don't need safe words." Well
of course he doesn’t! If he said this he’s
likely a snert and therefore he’s never really been in a
scene! Of course he might be a predator too, and then he
wouldn't need safewords either. Need I say more?
Test #14 "My slaves trust me to set their Limits for
them." If you hear a "dom" say this it’s
most likely because these slaves only exist in his mind. Or
worse still, his ‘slave’ is simply the victim of spouse
abuse. Even so called TPE (Total Power Exchange) and
other sorts of 24/7 (i.e., full time) D/s relationships should
involve some careful negotiation.
Test #15 "I'm Married, my wife can't know about
us" If I have to explain this one too you, you've got
problems. I have played with many married submissives in
my time, but ONLY with the express permission (and more often
than not, participation) of their husbands. Safe D/s
requires complete honesty. You can't build a good Scene on
lies. There are plenty of people that will be willing to
tell you differently; but please note, they will all turn out to
be adulterers (and hence, liars) themselves.
Test #16 Insert your own Acid Test here. You will
learn much from your mistakes and missteps. If you form an
online contact with a "dom" that falls
through, analyze WHY it fell through. Don't make the same
mistakes twice if you can help it.
Step 5: It’s not just the men you have to screen!
Finding some female submissives to be buddies with you on your
quest is a very good idea. Especially if they are
experienced players; they can give you unique perspectives,
emotional support, and even references to legitimate Doms to
play with. They can also, most importantly, provide a
Safety Net for you during those first meetings with the men you
meet. The benefits of teaming up with other women in
your search should be obvious!
However, be just as cautious about what you hear from other
women online as well. If you are so inclined to search for
a Domme for instance, the Acid tests should apply just as well.
Be very cautious about the women you meet online that claim to
be submissives as well. There are a great number of
female HNG’s who live there D/s lifestyle in the vacuum of
cyber-space. Their advice and experiences are not only useless
in the real world, they can be dangerous. Another class of
"female enemy" is even more tragic and dangerous; the
Victim.
A Victim is just that; a victim of physical and or mental abuse
that uses D/s as an excuse to continue denying the reality of
her tragic situation. These people are disturbingly common as
well. They are dangerous to you too! These women are
not just full of very dangerous advice, but they are usually
very vehement about telling you that their lifestyle is the only
"real D/s." They can fill your head full of
doubts faster than one of the male enemy types.
Spare little sympathy, tell them to get help, and stay the heck
away from them (in exactly this order). It may seem
mercenary, but it is in fact the right thing to do.
This is my training as a CASA (Citizens Against Spouse Abuse)
volunteer talking. An abuse victim can only save
herself, and then only when she is ready to do so.
If you let her vent her frustrations and fears on you, she will
then go back to her familiar little hell. Leaving you
emotionally drained and likely scared too. Your
quest for safe play partners is going to be tough enough as it
is. Avoid Victims completely if you can, and if you can't,
urge them to get help. It’s not your job to save the
world, keeping yourself safe and happy is enough work.
In Closing
This all seems like a lot of work. It is. Some of it
sounds awfully scary too. It should. So why
bother with this quest at all? Why not just stick
"cyber only" in your profile and forget real life D/s?
Why not just drop it all together? I can give you only one
good reason; when it is done safely, and it suits your needs, it
can be the one of the most profoundly fulfilling experiences in
your life! I used to cringe at terms like "sex
magic," but now that I know the spells, I’m an unabashed
Wizard! Any student of psychology can tell you that
denial has its own dangers too. The easy roads are not the
ones that lead to interesting places. So arm yourself with
knowledge, find yourself some trustworthy friends to share the
journey, and start walking. Just don’t forget to bring
your Acid Tests too!
GLOSSARY
BDSM - an acronym that combines abbreviations for
Bondage and Domination, Domination and Submission, and Sadism
and Masochism.
Collar - a symbol of possession used to denote some
sort of committed relationship between a sexual Dominant and a
sexual submissive.
Control Freak - slang for a person with a
dysfunctional personality type usually referred to as a
"controlling personality." See section 2,
paragraph four.
Cyber - slang for being online. Often refers
to Cyber-sex.
Cyber Sex - interacting with another person online
for the express purpose of sexual arousal.
D/s - abbr. for Domination and Submission.
Dom - abbr. or slang for a (usually male) sexual
Dominant. A person that derives sexual and mental
satisfaction from taking control of intimate sexual
encounters. They are often simulated by using
techniques such as sexual sadism, bondage, domineering
role-play, and generally taking a commanding role in intimate
situations.
Domme - abbr. or slang for a female sexual Dominant.
See also Dom.
HNG - acronym for "Horny Net Geek." See
section 2, paragraph two.
Limit - something that either partner in a D/s
relationship will not do, or does not like. Basically, a
specific preference concerning D/s play. The submissive's
Limits should always take precedence over the Dominant's.
Limits should always be discussed and set out before a Scene
ever starts. Respecting Limits is not an option, it’s a
requirement.
Master - A title of honor for a (male) sexual
Dominant that usually denotes either a high level of experience
or competence. Alternatively used as a term of endearment
for the Dom in a Scene featuring "Master/slave"
role-playing.
Mistress - A title of honor for a (female) sexual
Dominant that usually denotes either a high level of experience
or competence. Alternatively used as a term of endearment
for the Domme in a Scene featuring "Mistress/slave"
role-playing.
Safe Word - a code word used by the submissive to
signal his/her Dominant partner to either stop, slow down, or
even completely end a Scene. "Safe Signals" must
be substituted when the submissive is gagged or cannot otherwise
speak. These are not an option for safe play, they
are a requirement.
Safety Net - a person or persons who take the
responsibility to make sure that your real life meeting with a
prospective play partner is safe. This can range from
actually "chaperoning" the meeting to setting up
"safe calls" and so forth. This is a requirement
for submissives, not an option, as it is the only defense they
have against predators, rapists, and con artists. Learn
how to set one up and set them up religiously. Even
vanilla women should learn to do this!
Sexual Masochist - a person that can experience
profound arousal and/or euphoria from controlled doses of pain
and other extreme stimuli.
Sexual Sadist - a person that can experience
profound arousal and/or euphoria from inflicting carefully
controlled doses of pain and other extreme stimuli on sexual
Masochists. They DO NOT generally enjoy inflicting pain
for its own sake. Nor do they enjoy using such stimuli on
people that do not find it pleasurable.
Slave - a title of endearment and ownership given to
sexual submissives that are participating in Master/slave
lifestyles or role-playing. This usually signifies that the
submissive wears the "Collar" of a particular
Dominant.
Sub - abbr. or slang for a sexual submissive.
A person who derives sexual and mental satisfaction from having
control taken away from them in intimate sexual situations.
They are often (but not always) sexual masochists. They
often derive pleasure from bondage, and generally taking a
subservient role in intimate situations.
Scene - slang for relating to D/s. As in
"Yes, she’s a legitimate player in the Scene."
Also slang for a specific session of D/s. As in
"I was in this wonderful Scene last night."
Often used as a verb in the same case; "They Scened at the
party last night."
Subbie - common endearment for a sexual submissive,
usually a female submissive.
Vanilla - slang for things that are not
"kinky" or not related to sexual Dominance and
submission.
Victim - a victim of abuse that uses D/s to
"legitimize" her tragic situation. See section
5, paragraph 2.
Wannabe - derogatory; most often refers to a
person that pretends to be a legitimate real life player in D/s.
Most often used in reference to females that pretend to be
sexual submissives.
copyright
©
DrSpankenstein@aol.com
All rights reserved.
Your Destiny's
Desire © 2001.
All rights reserved.