My Submissive Heart

i am a submissive and have had submissive feelings all my life. i never knew what they were, but never questioned them either. i had an abusive childhood and believe that the abuse reinforced my submissiveness. i was always disappointed that the men in my life could never "get into" what i was "into". i didn't have a name for it and had never heard of BDSM - i wish i had as i feel i have wasted a lot of years. i had a mentor for a time online, Master Rick, and am thankful for the help he gave me. A few things he had sent to me i have included here. i have a profile on alt.com under the nic of star820. I have read and reread and read again many sites, so i feel i have done my homework in that area.....but will read yet again, i know. A little over a year ago i met Master G online and He taught me much. Master G and i met three times and He gave me what i call a "sampling" of experiences. He said He was going slow with me, so i have not had a lot - but enough to know this is where i belong and have been anxious ever since to finally start living....i have a need/want/desire to please......and be pleased in that process. i get very discouraged at times, wondering if i will ever find a Master and hope i do before i leave this earth. At least for a little while.