What are good Masters and Mistresses?

What should Dominants be?

Here is something one of the first masters i ever met gave to me - he was a mentor to me for awhile and thought I'd share it here on My Submissive Heart.

Both submissives and Dominants alike can only answer that question individually. The Dominants should be in control of themselves first and foremost, they are confident, caring, and understanding, they do not allow ego to get in the way of learning, both about themselves and their submissive, they know how to love, and how to cherish the gift given to them.

When the Dominant meets a new submissive they are kind and guiding without demanding ritual of her. They do not demand respect, they earn it. They explore her mind first, learning her strengths. They do not seek to seduce her, but get to know her as a person first, building a relationship, slowly discovering if there is to be one.

If they are a good Dominant they do not do this to simply gain another submissive, but only because they are able to befriend someone, without the trappings of sexuality. They are not predators, but teachers, willing to pass their knowledge with little or no reward, but the pleasure of knowing they can and the satisfaction of helping someone define their own path.

If the time comes when she offers herself to their service, the Dominants are the first to question her decision, to ask her to look into herself and discover if they are what she really wants. They are the first to mention safety, to volunteer references, and to tell her to seek more. They support safe calls and public meetings first; her safety is foremost in their mind.

If they decide to take the submissive into service, they are the first to mention negotiation, to offer their own personal information. They realize the danger she could be placed in through the wrong hands, they seek to guide her in protecting herself, they do not dismiss her worries, for they know her risks are all too real. The Dominants know their own safety depends on honesty and communication. They are honest about their lives, tastes and what they expect. They know that the submissive will be taking a leap of faith, and are supportive of her.

To possess her they know they must first earn her respect. To do this they must prove they are as they say, that they care for her, that they would push her limits only to build her strengths, that they are willing to spend the time to learn her as a person first, then as a submissive. They know how wonderful this gift is that she offers, and are willing to live up to her trust in them.

To this end, they grow with her, learning her secret needs and desires, and in turn expressing their own, always ready to affirm her worth, increasing her confidence in herself, and in the gift she gives, gently pushing her limits to show her she can be more than she feels they are, that she can go farther than she ever thought possible, slowly opening the flower of her submission, coaxing her passion for them into full bloom.

If she lacks self-esteem they show her they respect her, and find her worthy of their time. They show her she has beauty in their eyes; thus she is beautiful. They focus on her strengths, to teach her of her own power, they softly explain that the gift she gives is the most wonderful gift of all, herself.

They take the time to learn her soul, before thinking of learning her body, as the Dominant learns their new submissive, a connection takes place allowing them to sense her desires, her needs, her passions. With this new knowledge, the Dominant is able to take their submissive to new heights of pleasure, to guide her and walk with her as together they seek new levels of love and fulfillment. In taking a submissive into their service the Dominant take on many responsibilities. They pledge to help guide her in her path, not only in the bedroom, but also in life. They pledge to be there for her when she needs them, to care for her, ease her pain when she is depressed, comfort her when she is ill, assist her in overcoming her fears and worries, to hold and love her when she needs affection. The Dominant does not seek to change their submissive into what they want, but revel in the chance to show her what she can become. They enjoy showing her those strengths she already possesses, and guide her only, helping her to grow into the person she wishes to be, they coax her into finding her own path, but never state outright what that path should be. Once found, they will keep her to her task, gently pushing her to become the woman they know she can be.

Is there a profile of the perfect Dominants? We do not think so. Perfection is something we all strive to obtain, but never reach. It is the struggle to find perfection that makes a good Dominant. There is no one description of a good Dominant just as beauty is in the eye of the beholder. No viewpoint is wrong, merely different. All that can be said is that Good Dominants should have good qualities, that include strength, ability, confidence, control, the ability to learn and the presence of mind to know that they can always learn more. They should be loving, encouraging, honorable and chivalrous. They should respect and cherish women and show the respect to others that they themselves wish to be shown.

The Dominants should be self-assured, and in that confidence not think that to build themselves up, they must look down at others. They should be sure of their ideals, but not so sure that their way is the only path. They can allow others to follow their own paths, no matter how different, without ridicule. If they witness a wrong they seek to right it, but without pressing the view that their way is the only one, only expressing the danger of another's action or offering their assistance to help guide them out of danger.

They know the difference between punishment and play, between pain and sensation, they never exert their power in anger, and they never bring anger and hostility into a scene. They do not use this gift to vent their anger, but leave outside concerns outside, they know that to control others they must first master themselves.

They can exercise their art to help their submissive become the woman she has always been, deep within her spirit, they takes her gift of submission seriously, knowing that it is not given blindly or lightly. They always remember how precious the gift is, how rare it is, how beautiful it is. For she has given them something that cannot be taken, but must be given, the gift of herself, her soul, and the Dominants should cherish that Gift as the rare jewel it is.

The submissive should be firm in her femininity. She offers herself to the Dominants freely, of her own choosing. She gives the gift of her submission in exchange for their love, care, knowledge and protection. She obeys because she chooses to, not because she is forced to.

She comes to them a woman, but unsure of her role, seeking their guidance and quickly to learn what is expected of her. With this learning, and as they open themselves to her, she begins to give more of herself, of her soul, her secrets, until all the two can share is learned, building their relationship, sharing their secrets and souls, so they may walk this path together.

There is no power lost, no control wrested from her and she gives willingly, the Dominants giving of themselves until an immense measure of trust is built between the two. The sub must trust her Dominant completely in order to give them so much of herself, and the Dominant must trust the sub in order for them to accept her and her gift.

"Training" (just another word for teaching) is only the process of learning what the Dominants desire. The sub must learn when to kneel, how to sit to please her Dominant, how to address her Dominant, and so on. She does these things because she wishes to. Her wish is to please her Dominants in all ways possible. Even the most "bratty" submissive comes to know just what is expected of her and what her Dominants' limits are.

It is said that the Dominants holds all of the control, and in some ways they do. But this is a consensual relationship. The Dominants hold control, but only as far as the submissive is willing to go. They may push her limits for the pleasure of both. However, the submissive can walk away at anytime, hard as that may be, if the Dominants loses sight of her needs.

It is said that the submissive has no responsibilities, but a deeper observation shows otherwise. It has been said by many, that the Dominant holds all the responsibilities. However, many of the submissives' responsibilities are so subtle as to be overlooked. She must please her Dominant, she must act as they would wish and as her every action reflects on her Dominant. She must uphold their Honor, as they must uphold hers and protect her.

She must have faith and trust in her Dominant, just as they must prove her trust well founded. She needs the strength of will to know when her Dominant is acting in her best interests, and be willing, without embarrassment, to do as they ask her within her limits. Because that is what her Dominant wants and what she wishes; to please them, she would do that which seems difficult and even embarrassing at the time. She must not follow blindly, but see that what her Dominant asks of her is for the pleasure of them both.

At times the Dominant may understand that the sub can go farther than she thought, and with the use of safewords, they are able to take her there. For the beginning of all relationships it is most important to abide by the perceived limits, it must be taken slowly. If a safeword is used and the Dominant does not heed the submissive's perceived limit, then an important trust is broken.

The use of safewords should be stressed in any new relationship so that trust and understanding are able to grow. With time and understanding, however, the two can reach a point where the Dominant knows how far the submissive can go physically, emotionally, and spiritually and the submissive can come to trust her Dominants' decisions. Even then a safeword is still an important safety net. It can be dropped in session, but worthy Dominants still hold the value of using safewords in new and uncharted territory, even in a long standing and trusting relationship. The caring Dominants know they cannot read minds, even if they know their submissive extremely well.

The submissive has a wonderful role to live with the right Dominant. With them, she will grow emotionally and spiritually into what she wishes to become, learn to love freely and unconditionally and find the true power deep within her. The Dominants also become the people they feel within their soul; proud to be able to walk the honorable path of Teacher, Poet, Warrior and Protector. Proud of their charge and the pleasure they bring each other. Together they will embark on a journey that will take them out of the realms and limits of society and into the timeless dimensions of the Universe.

- Master Rick

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