Balfar's Privateers

by Domenico Angelo Malavolti Tremamundo and Katherine Ashewode

This piece was written as a request, or perhaps even a dare. Balfar is king of the East Kingdom as of its writing. The Privateers are a local pirate ship-hold (a household based on a ship) that have had some... interesting experiences with him. Much of this might not make sense unless you know the people involved, but I still think it's funny. It's sung to the tune of Barett's Privateers, obviously.

Oh the Year was A.S. 30 and 8
How I wish I was in Drakenwald!
When the Lady Joane Glorie asked me here
for a letter of markque 'gainst Ealdormere

Chorus:
God damn them all!
I was told they'd fight my foes and send me gold
they'd honour my crown, bring me cheer
Now I've a tarnished crown, and I wait in tears
for the end of Balfar's Privateers.

Well I worked out trades with my western peers
How I wish I was in Drakenwald!
When the Lady Joane Glorie came to dock
In Skraeling port, their pistols cocked.

Chorus

Well they promised to build a fortified wall
How I wish I was in Drakenwald!
I thought they'd use stones hard to crack,
But they built it out of stale hardtack. [with weevils!]

Chorus

I won a far off southern war
How I wish I was in Drakenwald!
We held a feast to last a year
But Eric's crew had drunk our beer.

Chorus

They went and plundered an Ealdormere ship
How I wish I was in Drakenwald!
A treasure ship, 'twas plain to see,
but the gifts aboard were meant for me.

Chorus

Well Eric has caused me plenty of woes
How I wish I was in Drakenwald!
At court I was ready to have his head,
But Lady Joane gave me chocolate instead.

Chorus

Now at last my reign is over and done.
How I hope to move to Drakenwald!
I thought they'd finally give me peace
But they won't stop 'til I'm deceased.

God damn them all!
I was told they'd fight my foes and send me gold
they'd honour my crown, bring me cheer
Now my crown is off, but I'm still in tears
for I'll never lose these Privateers.

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