Directions
by Katherine Ashewode
After writing the song "I Hope that We Reach the Event Site Today," the baron of Havres des Glaces (who has a twisted sense of humor), made me official cartographer of his barony. Never one to shirk my duties, I wrote up a series of directions to navigate therein. Hopefully they're so bad that he gives the post to someone else. This song sung to the tung of the Mingulay Boat Song.
Chorus:
Heading east, boys, to the feast boys,
Hope you find it, with these directions.
Heading west, boys, here's the test boys,
Find your way home, from Havres des Glaces.
Heading northbound, on the forty,
Exit eighty, will get you nowhere.
Turn around now, heading southbound,
Then you realize, it heads east-west.
Chorus
Take the exit, plain and simple,
It's the one where, the cows are grazing,
Never mind that, it's December,
They will be there, on April first.
Chorus
Keep on going, past the red house,
All the timbers, are bright as crimson,
But look well you, forgot to tell you,
Since last autumn, it's painted blue.
Chorus
We'll put signs up, at the turnoff,
Big and bold and, as plain as daylight,
So we brought them, but forgot them,
You will see them, on your way back.
Chorus
Now you're fed up, made your head up,
To stop for gas and, to ask directions.
But your worries, turn to fury,
'Cause the gasman, speaks only French.
Chorus