Gunthar and the Ladies
by Katherine Ashewode, "The Pocket Bard"
Pennsic 37 (2008)
to the tune of "Small Miracles," by the Whiskey Bards
At Pennsic XXXVII, I extended my services as a bard to Their Highnesses Ansteorra, Gunthar and Elizabeth. Gunthar immediately shouted, "write a song about my virility!" Though he admitted he was kidding, Her Highness asked me to write it anyway. So here it is.
There once was a man named Gunthar-O,
A cook of faméd skill.
He always served the ladies-O,
Their appetites to fill.
When Gunthar was serving they ran to their seats,
Their palates would water while waiting for treats,
And everyone hastened to sample his meats,
And none were disappointed,
No, his sausages were firm.
Upon the lists in battle-O,
Gunthar was the best.
His sword was always finely aimed
And faster than the rest.
The ladies would twitter when they saw him fight
For none could mistake his incredible might.
To watch him in battle was always a sight.
They fell to swooning afterwards
And begged to touch his sword.
At market or at tournament
He never was alone.
The ladies all would follow him,
His chivalry to hone.
For all of them knew he could fill every need,
In power, in pleasure, in sureness, in speed.
But Gunthar would none of their soft voices heed,
For none could match Elizabeth,
The lady of his heart.