No Longer Seventeen
by Katherine Ashewode, "The Pocket Bard"
Pennsic 37 (2008)
Yes, I know I look young. But people keep assuming I'm underage. I'm not. To deal with the frustration, I wrote this song. (I will eventually write end-rhymes for every age from 21 to 29, and then "I'm too damned old for you to be asking me this question.")
Early in the morning, I grabbed my sword and shield,
Went up to the marshal so I could I take the field,
But as he looked me up and down, he sadly shook his head,
"We have no boffo fighting here, you'll have to wait instead."
Chorus:
Everywhere I go the people always start to scream,
"You can't! You can't! There isn't a chance! You must be seventeen!"
Went up to security so I could do my part.
Put my name upon the list so I could drive a car.
The man behind the desk looked up and loudly did he balk,
"You need to be eighteen to drive, I think you'll have to walk."
Chorus
Evening is for parties, at least that's what I think,
Found my way into the Bog so I could have a drink.
Went up to the counter and I asked them for a beer,
"I'm sorry, lass," the man replied, "we cannot serve you here."
Chorus
I went out a-wenching, all in my scarf and bells,
Found myself a handsome lord I thought would treat me well,
But as I dragged him to my tent to have a jolly time,
His neighbours said that it would be a statutory crime.
Chorus
Everywhere I go the people all are in a rage.
They look upon my countenance and think I'm underage.
But now I'll set the record straight, not playing any tricks,
I swear my lords and ladies that I'm really twenty-six!
Final chorus:
Everywhere I go the people always start the scream,
But I swear my lords and ladies I'm no longer seventeen!