If you read the last B-Line you know I have been on a healing journey these past months. The most obvious sign of it is my weight loss; 37 pounds at the time of this writing. People naturally are curious. First, they want to know if I am sick. Then they want to know how I am doing it. Finally they want to know how much I plan to loose. The answer is 40 pounds. Why 40? Because 40, according to the Rabbis, is the Biblical number of completion. If I attain it I will be done.
But just as there are visible outward changes in my life there are inward invisible changes as well. These are changes in feelings and understanding that are effecting changes in my actions. This inner work has been greatly aided by a simple technique of writing to myself at various ages and including Jesus in the conversation. If it sounds odd remember that in order to loose weight I had to employ certain techniques like diet and exercise. There are techniques for the outer life and those for the inner life.
I would like to share a portion of one conversation with you. In this conversation a., my designation for myself near the time of conception, is writing to Jesus. I know this will bend your mind a bit to imagine I could have conscious thoughts at such an early stage of life but grant me your indulgence. The thing about us at such an early stage is that we are a bundle of needs. If these needs aren’t met we perish. If they are we survive and feel loved. So a. is writing to Jesus about love and need, and particularly about God’s love and God’s need. The last time a. had written he was rather angry at God and now he was apologizing. He was angry because he was afraid, afraid that his needs would not be met. He gets angry when he is afraid. So he continues. In my anger I denied that love has anything to do with need. I was being false. I know the truth but I am afraid of the truth. The truth is love has everything to do with need and need with love. I hear D. (Dan) say it every Sunday in the Eucharistic prayer when he says, ‘In your infinite love you made us for yourself.’ You made us needy so your love could meet our need. But your infinite love by itself wasn’t enough to satisfy you. Where would your love go if there were no one to receive your love? So you made us needy so you could give love and we could receive your love. And you also made us loving so we could give back your love. When you did that you acknowledged your own need, you did not deny it like me. You acknowledged your own infinite need that can only be met by us as we return love to you. That is why your saints are so dear to you. They love you as you have loved them and so they satisfy your need. And so you have made us like this, in your likeness. You made us to give, that is, to love. And you made us to receive, that is, to have needs. If you deny the one you refuse the other. Real love can only exist where there are real needs. Real giving exists where there is real receiving. Real fullness dwells where there is real emptiness. I don’t want to live in error but in truth. I acknowledge the truth of my needs and your needs because I want to receive your love and return it to you. You need that just as I do.”
I share this with you because Stewardship Sunday is upon us. We have designated All Saints Day, Sunday, November 2, for this purpose. Once a year we solicit your pledges for the coming year and encourage you to offer not only your treasure but also your time and talent for the work of the church. Practically minded people like us know the church cannot continue without financial support and the volunteer efforts of many people. We could think stewardship is only about that. It isn’t. It is, as a. made plain in his writings, about sainthood. Saints are those who acknowledge the love they have received from God and return that love to God. They recognize their own need being filled by his love and rejoice to fulfill his need with their love. They express this love for God in the only ways we can as humans; they give gifts of their treasures, they spend time in his presence, they affirm his works and worth in worship, they serve him with their talents, they embrace their fellow saints and sinners as God’s own. Sainthood isn’t for the chosen few. It is our common vocation in Jesus.
Daniel W. Kreller,
Kreller@aol.com
©2003 The Rev. Daniel W. Kreller
