A Glorious History of Califa

Favorable Comments Have Already Been Received, upon the publication of "Califa in Sunshine and Shadow: A History in Ten Volumes" By A Lady of Quality.

Curtis Hamfatter, Editor-in-Chief, The Alta Califa:
"I hail the publication of a book like this!! Its binding is sumptuous, its type luxurious, its pictures so many revelations, and its style of thought and expression captivating. "Califa in Sunshine and Shadow: A History in Ten Volumes" will have an unlimited mission for good. May the Goddess speed it on a mission of light and rescue all round the world! And long after the author who wrote it, and the printer devils who set it up, and the publishers who started it on its beneficent way, shall have closed the work of their lifetime, may "Califa in Sunshine and Shadow: A History in Ten Volumes" continue a benediction to the Republic of Califa."

Florian Abenfarax de la Carcaza, Warlord of Califa:
"I couldn't have said it better myself, if I'd been there, which I was, and still I can't say it better. I've read a few books in my time, but nothing quite so long."

General Juliet Buchanan Fyrdraaca Fyrdraaca, Commanding General of the Army of Califa
"A truly comprehensive and elegantly written tome which spares no detail in describing Califa's conversion from dictative theocracy to theocratic dictatorship. Madama Wilce's candid eye and cunning use of detail has brought the last forty years of Califa's history vividly to life."

Springheel Jack, Bunco Artist and Masher
"More blood. Less art."

Archangel Bob's Agony Column
Part III
841-852
Ann. Conq. 16-28
By
Warren Nutri
Special Correspondent
for the Alta Califa
Sedition may rock but it can not roll over an army as disciplined and determined as the Grand Army of Califa. The rats of rebellion ducked and dodged from the Warlord's sun, and could throw no real shadow on the Warlord's glory. Yet too, they could not seem to be permanently defeated either. In 848, after the loss of his mighty left leg at the Battle of Maripose, which was mourned by all in suitable lamentable style, the Warlord ceded direct command of the AOC to Duke Banastre Brakespeare ov Hağraağa who had proven his loyalty and worth a thousand times over. Still, even under the direction of this delectable and pious soldier, the skirmishing continued and the goblins could not seem to be pinned down long enough for the killing blow.
Yet during this time, sunshine too pierced the fog of war. The family Abenfarax increased with the addition of Infante Palantine, Infanta Electa, and Infante Sumner. In 850, the entire republic rocked with pleasure at the marriage of the Heirophant and the Infanta Pantea and that same year Califa celebrated twenty-five years of splendor and justice under the Warlord's mighty shield. Sarsaparilla
851 proved to be a year of sorrow for Califa. In the month of Viento, General Duke Hağraağa was killed by an stray arrow at the Battle of Modoc which saw Califa's worst defeat and the loss of all its tributaries to the east of the Sacto River. Colonel CSR Brakespeare assumed the command baton of the AOC under the assign General Hağraağa Secunda, and this designation became fatal for Califa's hopes of a quick and easy end to the dribbling out war.
General Hağraağa Secunda proved quickly to be a wicked and devious commandant. While pacifying the Warlord with promises of a quick resolution in Califa's favor, she put her pen to an infamous set of orders which violated the very essence of Califa's philosophy and which quickly earned her the nickname: Butcher Brakespeare. Among the policies she endorsed was no exchanging or paroling of prisoners, no conditional surrenders, and mandatory service for all citizens between the ages of 25 and 30. All of these conditions violated the Rules of Engagement, the code of conduct that all of Califa's officers had adhered to for centuries.
Next week: Butcher Brakespeare's reward for her idolatry of evil. Califa and Azatlan make Terms. Lord Therion proves dissatisfied with his Grasp of Power. 		Dear Agony Archangel:
My roommate insists on invoking the Dancing Demon Suite, the Two-Headed Godform of Excess every morning in the bathroom. I work the late shift at the Califa Sewage Treatment Plant and need all the kip I can get. What should I do? His invocation is very loud.
Signed: In Bed but Not Asleep

Dear In Bed but Not Asleep:
Bathrooms have notoriously bad acoustics. When it comes to invoking Suite, who requires a particularly strident rising tone on the upper reaches of the Barbaric scale, good sound quality is vital. I suggest you tell your roommate that a slight variation on the fricative enunciation of the Barbaric word (verb: to come, but not to follow) can cause internal bleeding and great care should be taken to avoid echoes.. Your roommate would be wise to move his invocation to the garage where bloodstains are more easily cleaned.
The Agony Archangel

Dear Agony Archangel:
I live alone and can find myself feeling the lack of company at times. I recently tried a sigil to give my cocker spaniel the power of speech. For the first few day, we had delightful conversations, but our debate on the advisability of using sleight of mind invocation in retroactive enchantments has gotten a bit contentious and I can't bear the sound of his yapping any longer. How can I get him to shut up?
Signed: His Lips Are Moving But I Don't Care

Dear Lips:
I suggest a muzzle. For you.
The Agony Archangel

The Agony Archangel is pleased to solve your problems. Your may send your difficulties to: Archangel Bob, The Agony Archangel, Sanctuary, Califa. Please, no invocations.

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