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Well, the count-down begins; seven years to go . . . and you know what? I'm definitely invited (well, that's what I've heard up through this point)! Now for an interview with the bride-to-be. I have her here, communicating with AOL's Instant Messanger:
Yvonne: So, you've been going out with Nathan for more than a year now, and have been maintaining a long-distance relationship with him this past year. What are your thoughts on him?
Lynn: What? I didn't sign off? I better sign off. ::door slams::
Yvonne: Aww, darn.
So there are a few words from our guest. As you can see, this couple is perfect for each other, as the both wear their watches on the same hand, and both their arms are parallel. There must be something happening somewhere. Well, that's all on this featured couple for now. Hope to see you all soon!
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Well, now, because my interview was cut short due to some technical difficulties, I will tell you some things about other people:
- Laura wishes to find a globular man with large legs. You are welcome to apply even though you or your family may have history of heart-disease. This will only allow her greater output in less time; as we all know, time is money! Know that Laura does not giggle, but, in fact, is a great joker. Don't be surprised if you hear harsh words coming from her mouth being directed at you (i.e. you're a stupid piece of lard!), because she's joking! Remember, this blond "whoah!-man" is very good with numbers, so you'll be sure to know when your fifteen minutes are up. In addition, as a result of her single-child upbringing, you will be forced to reside in a separate bedroom from her, unless given permission to be in her company. That's nothing to worry about, however, because her experience in decour guarantees you with a beautifully furbished room of her taste. A featured quality is her experience in music. Her expansive work in this area has enabled her with the skill to maintain and recall rhythm accurately. What a treat!
- De is not ditzy, but a rough and buff woman, who one can often find wrapped in duck tape. She is taken, but who knows, you might be able to steal her heart, like that scary man in Indian Jones and the Temple of Doom.
- Donna is looking for a man who takes charge, but not one who can be found in the state penitentiary. Currently married to Raphiano Lorenzo, more commonly known as Ralf Lauren, she can be described as a wife on a break. Know that she has a full-grown son, Juan Valdez, who plays futball for Brazil's national team, and has participated in already two World-Cups! Donna is a quiet young woman seeking a wild, buff-but-not-too-buff, motorcycle-riding, maniac hunk. Preferably of non-Latino/South American ethnicity. Do not worry about death threats from her dear husband Ralf, for he is currently on death roll in Texas, and will not be out for parole for a few more months. Decide quickly, for she's a popular and manipulative (and occasionally volatile and violent) woman!
- Saki is looking for a blond man who does not fit the description of Mr. McDermott. Please do not apply if you are a jock. Boy band singers are eligible. Also, he must have physical and financial stamina, and be able to endure a high pitch screaming test and light tapping of fists on his arms. Be prepared to be attacked by some of her more violent friends, who will make attempts to defend her, if necessary.
- Laurie is looking for a short male, who does not match or come close to matching a Tom Sawyer description. This manly man must be able to endure nails clawing at the neck, wrist, arm and other various body parts, and in addition, be able to withstand heavy blows to the face, chest and arms without bruising. Do not worry, for she has never been accused of domestic abuse. In fact, this aggressive and assertive woman has no criminal record of any kind. Laurie is a sailor; men from around the world admire her for her large, bulging biceps and wash-board stomach. It would be advisable that one who applies should also fit this kind of description, though it is not required. She gets cold easily, so hurry!
To apply for the position of "male-partner" for these women, please contact me at yvonnec04@yahoo.com. There's no rush, because it's not going to be on a first-come-first-serve basis. Note that all applicants will be subject to a DNA test to be certain of no past relations, and a "size-might-matter" test, specific to the client's desire.
For those who wish to have a personal advertisment of themselves, feel free to contact me at the address above.
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