"Oh man, this is great."
"No, this sucks!"
The young shinobi sheltered their eyes. There was sand everywhere; sand in the left, sand in the right, sand beneath them, and Neji - not sand - above them. The heat was unbearable. Nils looked at his victims and said:
"All right, everyone can stop what they're doing. And Neji can fall down from there."
Sasuke fell down onto his face, Naruto fell on his butt, Gaara dropped the skipping rope and Tenten fell off Temari. Neji evoked a lot of noise ["EYAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGGHH!!"] and an enormous cloud of sand.
"Never again! Don't ever take me so high up again, never ever!" he gasped, grabbing his pounding chest. He embraced the ground crying. Hinata did her best to comfort him.
"You're so funny!" Nils laughed at Neji. Sasuke rubbed his nose, pulled his shirt back on, stood up and started making seals with his hands.
"Oh, no you don't!" screamed Nils as it spotted what Sasuke was doing. "Suddenly Sasuke - turned into a woman!"
The following sight was astonishing. Everyone could see Sasuke's chest rise like dough. The boy gasped in horror and stared inside his shirt, not believing his eyes.
"O - OH MY GOD!" he shrieked in a low female voice. "Breasts! I've got breasts! Breasts, goddammit!"
Sakura and Ino both fainted. Shino, who had barely moved since the scroll was opened, now buried his head inside his collar. Kiba covered his eyes and said:
"Please don't shake them..."
Sasuke froze completely.
"Now, what next?" Nils thought. It noticed Shino's hair sticking out of his collar and wondered:
"Hello, what's happened to your head, little boy?"
"Nothing", Shino murmured. "And I'm not a little boy."
"Hey, what's your name?" Nils continued hypocritically. Shino didn't answer it. Sasuke leaned at Naruto and hissed:
"Naruto, please, once in your lifetime, do something when I ask! I'm asking you!"
"You expect me to do something?" Naruto said. "You're the cool guy, aren't you?"
"Well I'm not anymore!" Sasuke insisted. "Naruto, pleeeeaaase! You're just scared he'll do something to you, right? Can anything be more horrible than this?"
"But you're still a guy inside!" Naruto claimed.
"Oh, you wanna see inside my shirt?!" Sasuke growled. "Doesn't look like a guy to me!"
"Hmph", Naruto mumbled. He looked at his dress, then at Sasuke's chest, then at Nils, who now tried to make Kiba tell his name. Then, incredibly, unbelievably, he came up with an idea.
"Don't worry, Sasuke", he chuckled. He turned his back at Nils so that the scroll wouldn't see what he was doing, then made a couple of seals with his hands. And before they knew, a bunch of Naruto clones, all wearing the flower-pattern dress, appeared out of thin air.
"Let's get him!" he yelled out. As all the Narutos leaped to reach the annoying scroll, a dyne of sand gushed towards it too. The scroll dodged both of the attacks, then sent evil looks to both of the attackers, Naruto and Gaara.
"You made me mad, like that Sasuke-chan", it growled, then smiled happily again. "You shall be punished for this!"
"Just try! There're too many Narutos around here! You won't know which one of us is the real one!" shouted one of the Narutos, laughing and making vulgar signs at the scroll. Sasuke slapped his head.
"You moron, he only has to utter your name!" he - or is it she? - snarled. At the same moment Nils whooped:
"Suddenly all the fake Narutos turned into statues!"
Naruto found himself standing in the middle of a bunch of white Naruto statues.
"Woops", he squealed. Lots of other students, like Shikamaru and Lee, followed Sasuke's example and slapped their heads.
"Oh hohoho", laughed Nils. "I can't be tricked that easily. And now, for your punishment!"
Naruto grabbed his chest, scared that he would be turned into a woman as well. Even Gaara's eyes widened a little.
"Once upon a time", started Nils telling, "there was... a prince... he was the prince of the desert... he was Gaara."
Gaara's clothing changed into a frilly outfit with a small crown decorating his head.
"And there was a princess of the desert, Naruto..." continued Nils. The boy's Marimekko dress turned into a pink princess dress covered with lace and ribbons.p> "What?!" shrieked Naruto, feeling the silver tiara on his head.
"And they were deeply in love", Nils stated, glitter floating around its face.
"Like hell we are!" shouted both Naruto and Gaara at the same time. Nils seemed to be thinking about the continuation of the story, and then told:
"After a long time spent separated from each other, the prince and the princess finally reunited. They ran towards each other over a large, flowery field, spreading their arms ready to embrace each other..."
"Stay away from meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" screamed Naruto in vain. Soon he was shut in Gaara's involuntary embrace.
"You're dead", growled Gaara at the giggling scroll. It didn't care, but kept telling:
"But there was a knight - a female knight - who was jealous and wanted to have the princess herself! And that knight's name was Sasuke! With her loyal steed Shikamaru she rode to the castle to kidnap the princess!"
Sasuke did as Nils said: s/he rode over the flowery field on Shikamaru, dressed in a knight's armor, which made very clear what sex s/he was. Shikamaru was now wearing a saddle in addition of the tutu.
"Inside the castle, the prince was celebrating with his lovely bride", continued Nils its eyes in tears. "'Oh, my dear', he said. 'Tonight we're finally going to get married and become eternally happy!'"
Gaara repeated the line, but his face showed he didn't mean it. Not one little bit.
"'Yes, my love', answered the princess. She told her maids to dance to them while they were waiting for the preparations to be done. The maids were..." Nils looked at the girls lying on the ground. "My dear Neji, won't you tell me the names of those unconscious girls?"
"Yamanaka Ino and... Haruno Sakura", Neji stuttered, trying to stop himself from uttering the names. Happy, Nils declared:
"So, the maids were Ino and Sakura! And... Lee!"
"What?" could Lee whine before he found himself in front of the royal pair, dancing in an outfit that looked like one that an Arabian dancer would wear. A female dancer. Next to him, Sakura and Ino woke up to notice they were doing the same.
"Oh no!" both of them screamed, knowing that Nils had made someone tell it their names.
"How does he remember all the names?" murmured Shikamaru while trying not to crash down under Sasuke's now increased weight. Hinata, Shino and Kiba stared at the show.
"We'll have to do something!" Hinata squealed, almost panicking. "Please, Shino-kun... Kiba-kun..."
"Don't say our names aloud!" hissed Kiba quickly. Luckily Nils had now decided that Temari would pass as the prince's horse, and didn't hear Hinata's plead.
"She's right", Shino murmured. "This needs to be stopped... and since there are no jounins around, we'll have to do it."
"It doesn't know our names, so we have the advantage!" Kiba whispered. "All of us just have to do things right, and we can seal it away!"
"All... all right", Hinata said, glancing carefully at Naruto. He was making loud protests and demanding Nils to stop or he would get really angry and rip that stupid face into tiny little bits and feed them to ducks. Nils made him say some really sickeningly sweet things to his groom, causing Naruto to yell.
"'Oh my, it is hot out here, isn't it, darling?' said the prince. 'We need someone to fan us'", Nils kept telling. It looked around for a while and noticed Kiba's group whispering. Now it remembered Hinata was Neji's cousin, and turned to Kankurou. "Dear Kankurou, would you mind telling me the first name of the girl over there?"
"H-Hinata", Kankurou answered and cursed himself. Hinata gasped, hearing her name said.
"So", Nils said. "Two servants came to fan the lovers. They were Hinata and Neji!"
In a second both Hyuugas were wearing same kind of suits the dancers were. They held two huge palm leaves which they were waving at the couple. Kiba and Shino gasped, knowing that this was their last chance to seal the trouble-making scroll.
"Let's do it!" Shino told Kiba, and they both formed a seal with their hands. While Nils was going on with its story, Shikamaru managed to whisper to Chouji:
"Psst, Chouji! It doesn't know your name, try to seal it!"
"What? But I..." Chouji whined, then noticed Kiba and Shino and decided to do something to help. "Okay, I'll attract its attention." He thought for a while. A growl from his tummy was of great help. "Hey, umm, Nils, you over there! You have anything to eat? I'm hungry."
Nils turned to look at him. It grinned and leaned closer to the boy.
"Well, I could, if you tell me your name first."
"Well, ah, give me something first. Then I'll tell it", Chouji answered.
"But I can't give anything to you if I don't know your name..." Nils trilled. Chouji's fake smile just widened as the sweatdrop on his head grew a little.
"Yes you can. You see, I can't talk very much with an empty stomach. My name's so long..."
"Hmmm..." Nils pondered. "Well, all right. Suddenly, an apple appeared."
A beautiful, red apple dropped on the sand next to Chouji. He grabbed it and started to eat it with pleasure. Behind Nils, Naruto and Gaara tried to kill each other by staring, and Kiba and Shino were almost done with their seal.
"Now, will you please tell me your name?" Nils asked.
"Mhmphtpgjjrudmngpeutmph", Chouji muttered his mouth full of apple. Nils frowned and said:
"Why won't you finish eating first."
Chouji obeyed, as slowly as he could. Bite by bite. Mouthful by mouthful. Swallow by swallow. Finally, his mouth was empty.
"Well...?" Nils waited.
"Thanks for the apple. It was great", Chouji praised, still fake smiling. Nils remained quiet. Chouji thought for a second. "Oh yes, my name... my name is... it is... It's Ginyuu! My name is Ginyuu."
"Ginyuu?" Nils wondered. "That's not very long."
"It's only my first name", Chouji said. "My family name's veeery long."
"Oh really?" Nils smiled. "And it is?"
"It's... uh... uh... eh... ah... uh... it's... my full name is..."
Suddenly a light flashed behind Nils. It came from Kiba and Shino's seal. Nils was just about to turn around and look, but Chouji yelled:
"It's Higashikunimarumukoufujiwara!!"
"What?" Nils asked, turning back at Chouji, and Kiba and Shino used the chance to finish the seal. It hit.
But alas...
...it wasn't strong enough.