"Okay. It seems that you two pitifully tried to seal this invincible me", growled Nils Börje, the talking scroll, who was now glaring at Kiba and Shino. Its gaze was piercing.
"Why didn't it work?" whined Kiba. Sasuke turned his/her head to look at them.
The scroll is strong enough to resist that kind of a jutsu? s/he thought. Just two genins aren't enough...
"My sweet little Lee", trilled Nils, not even looking at the boy. "Why don't you tell me the names of those boys?"
After a moment of resisting, Lee had to gasp:
"Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino!"
"Really - " Nils trailed off as he saw the bugs coming out of Shino's body, its mouth wide open of disgust. "Jesus Christ... that's horrible! I've never seen anything that revolting in my whole life, damn it! Ugh! How does he live?! Suddenly everyone grasped pesticide spray cans and started killing those ugly little bugs!"
A shower of poison covered Shino completely. He tried to shield himself with his hands, but the bugs on him got large portions of pesticide and started falling on the ground, dead. Shino reacted quickly, calling the remaining bugs back.
"I'm sorry!" cried Hinata as she dropped the spray can and begun to fan Naruto and Gaara again. Nils decided to go on with the story.
"Tenten!" it yelled. "Now go with - humm, what was his name again? I wasn't paying attention... hey, Tenten, what was his name?"
"Akimichi Chouji", cried Tenten desperately, believing that they were doomed to be Nils' toys forever. Nils smiled again with that annoying manner of its.
"Oh, nice! - It was?" It stopped to think for a moment. "Oh, well. Suddenly the prince's bodyguards Tenten and Chouji caught those evil robbers Kiba and Shino."
"And this one time it had to forget!" swore Shikamaru and hit his head to the ground. Sasuke almost fell off his back.
"So, the robbers were taken to the castle, and a horrible punishment was handed down to them!"
"Die", muttered Gaara, slowly tearing his sleeves.
"No, no, no, that's not nice enough!" Nils was horrified. "The prince said: 'Run fifty laps around this palace'."
"Run fifty laps around this palace", Gaara said. The doomed ones were about to protest, when Gaara continued: "Naked."
"WHAT!? You're not serious!!" Kiba shrieked at Nils, knowing not even Gaara could make up something like that on his own.
"Well, you were seriously trying to seal me, weren't you?" Nils told him.
As the criminals were serving their sentence [and the others tried not to look] Nils continued:
"Then, the jealous female knight appears on her faithful mare!"
"MARE!!!!" Shikamaru yelled in disbelief.
"Yes, mare", Nils giggled. "A female knight must have a female steed."
Shikamaru's head fell down once again, and Sasuke could hear him talking into the sand:
"Somebody kill me please."
"Ahem. The jealous female knight suddenly appears on her faithful mare", repeated Nils and watched as Shikamaru crawled towards the castle [Shino and Kiba were still running around it]. "The prince and the princess are just about to kiss..."
"NOOO! Don't you dare to make me do it! You - AAARGH!" Naruto panicked as Gaara unwillingly grasped his head and started pulling it closer to his, a really annoyed look on his face.
"When the knight enters and yells: 'She's mine!'"
"She's mine!" yelled Sasuke, his/her low voice almost high-pitched. Both the prince and the princess looked very eased, which certainly didn't fit into the story.
"The prince stands up, furious", told Nils, making large circles around the so-called happy couple. "He takes his sword and growls: 'Who do you think you are? Prepare to meet your maker!'"
Even Gaara was seen blushing when uttering out this line, clearly embarrassed. Sasuke was just as happy as he was. S/he drew out his/her sword and answered the challenge.
"The prince and the knight fought fiercely! And the princess was crying, afraid that her groom would perish and the evil knight would take her away!" Nils cried dramatically. Naruto wiped off the tears running down his face, but the crying wouldn't stop.
"This is really stupid", he muttered, looking ridiculous with streams of tears on his cheeks. Gaara and Sasuke were engaged in a fight - if it wasn't for Gaara's clothes or Sasuke's changed gender, they'd have looked quite normal, using common taijutsu and fencing techniques.
"Suddenly the knight used her secret weapon!" declared Nils. Sasuke pulled a Poké ball out of his/her pocket and threw it.
"I choose you, Kiba!" s/he yelled, then stared, astonished, at Kiba who popped out of the Poké ball, growling and drooling like a furious beast. Nils was the only one laughing, then it said:
"But suddenly the prince summoned his aeon to oppose the fierce Pokémon!"
"Come forth, Kankurou!" Gaara yelled, raising his sword to point at Kiba. The teddy boy ran towards the 'Pokémon' and attacked it, sending both of them flying straight at Sasuke, who flew over onto the sand dune.
"Ouch!" they heard the dune say.
Sasuke jumped back up again and turned to stare at the dune. Something was moving inside it: then a bush of grey hair appeared from the sand.
"Ooh, interesting", hummed Nils Börje and slithered closer. A huge smile covered its weird face, when Kakashi stood up - because of the mask, nobody could define what kind of expression he was wearing.
"Oh my, if it isn't my old friend Hatake Kakashi!" trilled Nils more annoyingly than ever. Kakashi looked at it.
"Hello, Nils", he said apatheticly.
"You remember me!" squealed Nils, circling happily in the air.
"Who wouldn't? You're such a nice person after all", Kakashi answered it, then glanced at the shinobi students, who were blushing of embarrassment. "So. You were told not to touch the scroll. And you did anyway."
"How did you - ?" Sasuke gasped.
"You know that scroll?" Sakura asked - she, Ino and Lee were standing behind another dune of sand, they had been watching the fight.
"I was in the ceiling all the time", Kakashi snorted. "Good shinobi know how to hide in every situation. And yes, I know Nils very well. We bumped into each other last time he was opened."
"You fit into my story very well", Nils rejoiced and continued: "Suddenly the prince's advisor, Kakashi, stepped forwards!"
Kakashi's clothes changed into a long, purple robe with golden and silver pattern. A tall pointy hat, also purple, decorated his head. It covered Kakashi' left eye and his mask was replaced with a gauze.
"Oh, man", Nils moaned. "I still can't do anything about that masking?"
Kakashi's right eye gleamed in gleefulness. Other than that, he couldn't say he was happy with the situation. He tried to contain Nils:
"Nils, please, stop playing and accept being seale-"
"Never!" Nils laughed. "Oh hohoho! You can never have too much fun! So, where were we? Oh, yes! The advisor said to the prince: 'My lord, we believe in you! You will win this fight, for the sake of your kingdom and beloved!'"
"What goddamn beloved?!" Naruto screamed as Kakashi repeated the line. The jounin chuckled a little, then became serious again.
"Then", Nils went on. "The prince called for his steed, Temari, and climbed onto the back of his noble gelding..."
"WHAT!?" Temari croaked. "Why can't I be a mare too!?"
"It sounds better to have the rider and the horse the same gender", Nils explained happily. "Besides, it's funny!"
Temari tried to suffocate herself to the sand, but the scroll continued:
"The prince rode on his steed towards the knight, ready to strike! But! The knight dodged and hopped on her horse!"
Sasuke, his/her motions controlled by Nils, pointed Gaara with his/her sword and said:
"Surrender and hand over the princess! She belongs to me!"
"By your dirty toes, the hell I will! She is mine and will always be! Now, die, you damned!"
"The knight dashed towards the prince with her sword ready to kill", Nils cried overdramatically. "But the prince dodged the attack and tried to reach the knight's flesh with his own weapon!"
"He's getting repetitive, isn't he?" pondered Ino. Sakura nodded. Nils glanced at the girls and continued its story:
"Now, finally, the prince's advisor decided to end the fight with his special, secret technique! He told the prince: 'Look out, my lord! I shall finish her now!'"
Kakashi did as told, wiped his forehead and prepared for the great attack. Gaara rode aside and hopped off his horse, who collapsed on the sand, gasping for air. Everyone was staring at Kakashi, waiting for the "Big Bang" which would finish Sasuke off. The jounin was now ready to fire, and roared:
"KA...ME...HA...ME...HA!!!"
An enormous ray of energy shot from his hands and covered Sasuke (and his/her lovely mare) completely from sight. A huge arrrgh was heard, followed by a gasp from the crowd, followed by laughter from Nils' mouth.
Kakashi stared at his hands.
"Cool..."
When the blast faded, two burnt carcasses were seen lying on the smoking ground. After a while of silence, Sasuke stood up wobbling, pointed at Kakashi and Gaara with his/her ring finger and croaked:
"I'll... avenge... this..."
And then s/he fell onto the ground. Nils was laughing awfully [obviously, it had told Sasuke to stand up] and said:
"Now... the princess smiled and ran to his groom... and the prince took her into his arms..."
"Nooooooooooo!!" Naruto screamed as he flew towards Gaara, who spread his arms, looking VERY displeased. "Not again...!"
Gaara's knees were shaking under Naruto's weight [increased by the fox demon, perhaps... or the dress] and they both turned to look away.
"Awwwww...." Nils sighed and blushed. Kakashi frowned, his hands on his hips, and stated:
"Do you know what's wrong with you little boys? You never hug each other!"
"Well isn't it perfectly clear why!?" Naruto shrieked at him. Gaara mumbled approvingly.