Nils Börje, the floating, talking scroll with minimum amount of sense and a terrible sense of humor, ended the story with a huge wedding scene where everyone was wearing something big, white and frilly, especially the bride Naruto. The genin was a bit afraid that Nils would make him kiss the groom, but the scroll had already lost its interest and was making up other ways to humiliate them. Naruto felt a touch on his shoulder, whirled around and fought the wedding veil for a moment to see Kakashi looking at him.
"Naruto", he whispered. "Nils' attention is elsewhere. Make a replica."
"Eh?" Naruto exclaimed. "It doesn't work, sensei! See those statues? We already tried it!"
"No. I can open Nils' jutsu slightly", Kakashi explained in a low voice. "I'll send your replica for help. Nils won't have any doubts."
Naruto grinned triumphantly. He could wreak revenge on the stupid scroll which had humiliated him so badly.
"Okay!" he answered and got to work. Soon Kakashi took the other Naruto [who wore a wedding dress as well] aside, made some seals and pulled the air to reveal the empty corridor where the young shinobi had found Nils. The clone snuck out through the hole, and Kakashi closed it quietly.
"So, what funny things should I make you do next?" Nils pondered in a loud voice. Shikamaru tried to get up despite the shaking of his knees.
"Wh - what... Kamehameha?" he stuttered. Kakashi's eyes expressed his amusement. Now Naruto noticed that the sensei's Sharingan eye was also revealed.
"Hey, sensei..." he muttered. Kakashi pulled the hat down on his eye and lifted a finger onto his lips, as a sign to keep quiet.
"I'm such a genius", Nils giggled by itself. "What a great performance! Kakashi made a very good Kamehameha!"
"Thanks", said Kakashi.
"Now let's see", continued the scroll, curling around in the air. "Could it be I'm running out of ideas...? Hey, Kankurou! Tell a joke!"
"Why did a hen walk across a road?" Kankurou said without even realizing it. "I don't know, haven't asked, I don't speak Hennish."
The crowd of genins and one jounin was very silent, staring at the member of the Sand Team like he was an idiot. Kankurou slightly blushed and buried his head into his hood. Only Nils thought the joke was funny and laughed. After a moment, the scroll shrilled:
"Now, suddenly, a sea appeared!"
And a sea did appear. Out of nowhere, thousands of kilometres of water, there, in the Gob desert, right in front of Naruto and all the others' eyes. When they stared at the sea hardly believing their eyes Nils went on:
"Suddenly, everyone was wearing swimsuits!"
"Iaaaarghh!!" screamed Sasuke when s/he noticed s/he was wearing a tight, pink and white bikini and a large straw hat with a flower. All the [other?] boys and Kakashi wore swimming trunks, all different color. Kakashi also had a huge yellow snorkle, which covered over half of his face. Besides that, he had a pirate hat and an eye patch. Besides Sasuke, the other girls, Sakura, Ino, Hinata, Tenten and Temari had women's suits. Sakura had a light purple one-piece, Ino's bikini were yellow, Hinata's were dark blue, Tenten's swimsuit was wine red and Temari's light brown.
Naruto's eyes were way bigger than his orange trunks; he had glanced at Sasuke [who did his/her best to cover his/her whole body] and had almost nosebleeded. Now he turned around and saw Sakura; his hands were drenched in blood. He quickly turned and saw Hinata; that if anything was a nosebleed.
"That stupid scroll...!" Ino cursed quietly and glanced at Nils over her sunglasses. "He's just a pervert like everyone else."
"You said it", Temari agreed. She, like all the girls, had sunglasses too. Sasuke, Ino and Tenten had straw hats and Sakura had a sunshade with her. Kankurou was an unbelievable sight only wearing trunks.
"Do me a favor", he said to Gaara, a fatalistic look on his face, "and bury me in the sand."
Gaara [wearing beige trunks] raised his hand a little, and sand flowed to cover Kankurou almost completely from sight. Both of the Sand genins seemed relieved, until Nils forced Shikamaru and Chouji to dig Kankurou up.
"Why do you have goose pimples?" growled Shikamaru at Naruto, who observed their doings, absolutely disgusted. "I'm the one who had to touch his skin!"
"Now, everyone", Nils said. "Don't worry, be happy, have fun!"
But the ninjas never had a chance to have fun, since Nils still controlled them and made them do everything they did. It had made a couple of sun loungers appear and some of the girls were lying on them, drinking ice cold juice or lemonade. Some people were playing volleyball on the beach and the rest were either building sand castles or swimming. Kakashi was doing the latter; only the snorkle was visible when he dived. He was the only one who actually looked like someone enjoying his vacation.
"Now!" Nils shouted suddenly. "It's time for the climax! The beauty contest!"
"NO!" shrieked all the ones wearing a women's swimsuit.
"Oh yes", sang Nils and made a long, fashion show like stage appear. "Now, suddenly Sakura, Sasuke, Ino, Hinata, Temari and Tenten climbed on the stage and all the boys - and Kakashi - sat on the beach around the stage."
All the contestants were blushing and trying to disappear by will power. Nils made up light effects and background music as he chose Rock Lee to be the commentator, and the contest began.
"Here we see our beautiful contestant number one!" narrated Lee to a microphone. "Her name is Haruno Sakura! She wears an aniline red swimming suit, sun glasses and a sunshade as a cherry. Aplodes for the sweet Sakura-chan!"
Sakura was smiling brightly as she walked to the end of the stage, posed for a second as the cameramen (Chouji and Kankurou) took pictures and then walked back. Of course, Nils was still behind all this.
"And next, contestant number two! Yamanaka Ino! She's wearing a nice, fitted yellow bikini matching to her hair and straw hat. Beautiful, beautiful! Look at that pearly skin and curves! Aplodes for the incredible Ino-chan!"
Lee was blushing as much as the girls as Ino showed a toothy smile posing and left the stage. Next, Hinata walked by the stage, swaying cutely as she did, and stopped to pose. Neji quickly covered his face.
"And now as number three, we see the shimmery Hyuuga Hinata! She is also wearing a bikini matching to her colors, inky blue and a little childish, fitting perfectly to her beautiful body. Aplodes for the heady Hinata-chan!"
The crowd gave aplodes as Hinata left smiling shyly and Nils forced Neji to keep his eyes open. The next girl appeared.
"Next, we've got Tenten as number four! She is beautifully attired in a wine red one-piece, with a straw hat completing the lovely ensemble. And what a smile! Aplodes for the twinkling Tenten-chan!"
Tenten walked across the stage smiling like a Barbie doll. Her expression changed swiftly as she got off.
"How long is this going to continue?" she wailed before being told to go to the backstage by Nils.
~*~
The ninja teachers had been enjoying their time off with full passion. Their fun had been cruelly ended, when the guards had arrived and told them about Nils' escape. Everybody ran to the old shack as quickly as possible, only to see an empty box.
"We'll have to find it", gasped Kurenai after staring a while.
"Who opened it?" asked Iruka demandingly from the nearest guard. She smiled weakly and said:
"Uh, well, there were many sightings of genin level ninjas... we thought they were genin, but they got us so easily..."
"I haven't seen my students for a while", Kurenai said, horrified.
"Imagine what it's going to do to them", Asuma chortled. Everyone silenced him by looking at him venomously.
"We'll have to ask everyone if they've seen it", Iruka stated. "I'll do it!"
The next moment he was gone.
"Wasn't Kakashi guarding it? Why didn't he stop it being released?" asked Baki. His face didn't show any signs of worry.
"Who knows", Kurenai sighed. They just stared at the empty box, not knowing what to do. Soon Iruka arrived with Hayate, Ebisu [and Konohamaru] and Anko.
"DAMN!" swore Anko and kicked the wall. "Who let this happen?!"
"Not me", everyone gasped. Konohamaru tried to take a look at the box, but his sensei stopped him.
"Don't go near it! That horrible scroll might get you!" Ebisu whined. Hayate didn't say anything; he just sent a sad look at the box.
"As long as we don't know where it - " An astounding sight cut him off. Naruto had just penetrated through the wall and was standing in front of them, wearing a beautiful wedding dress.
"I found you!" he screamed happily. "Yatta!"
"Oyabu...?" Konohamaru muttered. Ebisu quickly covered his eyes.
"Don't look!" he screeched. A couple of the teachers let out small chuckles.
"I know", Iruka said.
"God, we know", sighed Kurenai and buried her face in her hand. Ebisu blushed heavily and squeezed Konohamaru's head, until the poor boy almost suffocated.
"You must help", Naruto panted and grabbed Hayate's sleeve as well. "Right now, before it humiliates me more!"
"Is it possible to humiliate someone more than that?" laughed Konohamaru, who had slipped from Ebisu's grasp. Anko looked at him smiling oddly.
"It really is, believe it or not", she said, sounding a bit amused. "Okay, let's go. Naruto, show us where the scroll is."
Naruto pointed at the wall. Some jounins took a moment to examine the wall and the jutsu it was sealed with. Finally they solved it and gathered everyone, preparing to step inside the jutsu.
"I want to come too", whined Konohamaru and hung onto Naruto.
"No way! That scroll must not tamper with you!" Ebisu screamed in horror. Too late. They were already standing on a dune.
~*~
"And our last contestant, the lovely lady, Uchiha Sasuke! Sasuke-chan is wearing a pink and white bikini, and she looks absolutely gorgeous! Her face, so mature for a girl her age, but look at that body! She's definitely someone to go for! Aplodes for the sexy Sasuke-chan!" Lee narrated, obviously about to cry. Sasuke posed to the camera, but his/her eyes revealed s/he was homicidal.
"Wooo!" shouted the audience, clapping their hands. All of them tried not to look.
"All right!" declared Nils as Sasuke stepped down from the stage. "Now I'll have to choose... but all of them are so beautiful!"
"If I just had my kunai or anything else, I'd slice that scroll into little bits..." murmured Tenten, but quickly shut up when Nils looked at her.
"Well, then. You're cute, but rude", it said. "I'd like a nice girl to win..."
"Here's nice to you!" screamed Ino and made a vulgar sign. Nils gasped and made a couple of panicking circles in the air.
"Horrible! Girls shouldn't do wicked things like that!" it complained. "You would have won, but..."
"Who'd actually want to win a contest like this?! Give our clothes back, you pervert!" Temari demanded, waving a sunshade at the scroll.
"Th - that's right!" Hinata squealed. Nils pouted a little and then yelled at them, angry:
"Actually, I think Sasuke-chan is so much better-looking than anyone of you!"
"Turning me into a girl", Sasuke growled. S/he sounded so dangerous that everyone shut up. "Dressing me in a bikini. And making me pose like an idiot. In a bikini.You don't have to worry about being sealed again. I'll crush you before that. I'll burn you to ashes!"
Before Nils could even whine, Sasuke had formed the necessary seals and shot a huge blast of fire at it.
"Don't!" Kakashi shouted, running to stop him/her. "Fire doesn't work against him!"
"Too late", they heard Nils' annoying voice. "Sasuko-chan wants more fun? I feel just like it!"
Ignoring the warnings of her/his teacher, Sasuke used another jutsu. Nils evaded it easily.
"Stay where you are, you annoying recyclable paper!" roared Sasuke. Nils grinned and trilled:
"You really want me to do this, don't you?"
"Nils, don't", Kakashi said. "Seriously."
Nils took a deep breath and yelled out:
"Suddenly Sasuke was trapped in a - in a... rice cooker!"
A moment of silence during which everyone stared at the rice cooker that had appeared in Sasuke's place.
"That's not funny", Kakashi scolded the scroll. "Let him out."
"I won't", rejoiced Nils. "She fits there perfectly. It was her own fault."
"Sa - Sasuke-kun...?" Sakura stuttered as she stumbled to the rice cooker. "Sasuke-kun, can you hear me?"
"Don't you dare open it", Nils warned. "The first one to touch that rice cooker will be turned into a frog."
Sakura flinched and backed up to the other girls. Naruto came closer instead, then pointed at the rice cooker and asked Kakashi:
"He - he really is there, in that rice cooker?"
"Yeah", Kakashi answered. He was still looking at Nils disapprovingly. Nils seemed excited.
"This is horrible", whined Kiba and hid behind Shino. Right at that moment they heard a yell:
"Kakashi-sensei! I brought them!"
"DON'T SAY IT ALOUD!"