My Story

                                                   The General Summary

Being a teenager is hard, well maybe I shouldn’t generalize but it is for me. High school is a place where you have to conform to what people think is right or wrong otherwise you are teased and taunted for being different.
I knew I was different for quite some time, but the difference I could never pin point. When I turned thirteen I was called every gay definition that exists, faggot, fudge packer, poofter you name it they said it. Not even knowing what they meant by the word faggot I looked it up in the dictionary – only to find it meant pile of sticks. I knew that couldn’t be it.
I found out what it was from my parents and felt utterly embarrassed for even bringing it up. For an entire year I put up with this abuse, being punched in the face, spat on and even to the extent of getting my head smashed through a window.
I asked myself one night
     “Why do they say this about me, if they all say it, it must be true.”
I only spent my eighth grade at that school before my family and I moved on to bigger and better things – or so I thought.
I started the ninth grade resembling still the timid, self conscious and vulnerable little boy that was meant to have been left behind at my last school. My first week I spent every night crying myself to sleep, wishing I knew the answer to all my problems. Why couldn’t I be normal like every other guy, it was at this time that I started coming to terms with the fact that I might be gay. Seven days a week I searched the Internet for many hours, trying to find some answers, trying to work out why I was the way I was.
Being the a fifteen year old boy I was I started looking at some interesting pictures on the internet, what I saw was eye candy enough, but I knew I didn’t want that. I want to grow up have a wife and kids – how could I achieve that if I was gay?
It was after this that I realized that I was bi. I knew I had an attraction to girls but I also had one for guys and both sexes I would have no hesitation in fooling around with. I had taken a huge step in at least admitting to myself I was different, and finally been rid of the stage where I kept telling myself it was a stage I was going through. I felt more complete not conflicting with myself but I still felt alone, I needed someone else to talk to, someone who knew how I felt. I started searching the net once again for personals or a site that would boost my confidence, that night I found Mogenic.
I went into one of the chat rooms and started talking to other people and realizing I was not alone. One guy on there sparked my attention as he was my age and lived in the next city. We shared so many interests and I could talk to him for hours and never get bored, I would block everyone else on my MSN list just to talk to him as he made me feel like I was a part of this world, not a bystander watching everyone else live their lives. I became more confident of who I was and what I was and felt like telling the world so I wouldn’t have to hide in the shadows anymore.
I first told my bestest friend in the whole world. When I did I started crying I realized that now I was admitting it to the people around me, I started begging to her to not think any different of me and that I was still the same person I always was – nothing had changed. She just asked me to calm down then talked to me with that confidence that surrounds her.
     “Zane, you are my best friend and I love you so much. No matter what I will be there for you and I realize you are the same person you always were. The wacky character that I grew to love and cherish and hold a special place in my heart.”
I loved her even more after that, and felt so relieved that I didn’t have to hide it anymore, no more secrets.
I went on to tell a few more of my close friends whom all accepted me and loved me even more now that they knew who I truly was. I didn’t feel alone anymore, I felt accepted like any another high school guy, not some freak or something.
I still keep it under wraps to the world with the exception of 4 people, I don’t feel the world is ready for me yet, but when it is I will stand out like a bright shining star, no one will ever make me feel like I am nothing, a freak or vulnerable again.