In The Beginning From an early age I was, I suppose you say feminine. But at such a young age it is a lot harder to determine the outcome for this sort of behaviour. I had the wackiest dress sense you could ever see, everything in my world was colourful which accented my eccentric and feminine behaviour. I had the greatest friends as a young child, the people I grew up around were so great and I loved them dearly and wanted to be with them forever. When I was nine years old my family and I were forced to move many miles away from those I cared so dearly for, my world felt like it was against me. I was soon to realize how cruel my world could be, how it could break you down. I left my secure little redneck country town and headed for the posh and much larger confines of the coast. Beyond its beauty, which in comparison to my initial living standards was incredible, the coast held its dirty little secrets that would almost be the death of me. I started my new school hoping to make friends fast as I had been so lonely and yearned to see my old friends again. The first few weeks of my schooling went past quickly; I made a few acquaintances along the way – no one special though. I was cautious of a few of the people around me so I made sure to keep at bay from those, so as to avoid confrontation. For the first time in my life the name-calling started. They started with words like “GIRL” and “WEIRDO”. I had never been subjected to such cold sons of bitches before and could not comprehend the reasons behind their torment. Looking back now though this form of torment was just the beginning I had a lot more to come. I kept myself busy by befriending our school’s librarian, she was a sweet old woman she had her moments but in all she was the only person that didn’t judge me. I was the teacher’s pet for the remainder of my primary school years, a complete square now that I think about it. I had a comparable amount of confidence and kept positive, because I knew that I would be the one to leave a mark on this world. I won the school bursary (cash endorsement for high school) within my primary school years, which made me proud, and I felt extremely appreciated. The school holidays came about and I was so excited about going to high school, I mean this was another new experience for me, but this time I had friends to be there with me, I wasn’t starting from scratch. Catching a school bus for the first time was so exciting (No I wasn’t that deprived) to think I could ride a bus everyday. Me and my close friends giggled and carried on all the way to school about almost every topic imaginable, our spirits were high and we were all eager to see what our school looked like. Upon arriving at the main gates of the high school, the feeling of dread and sadness wafted over me like the plaguing shadow of a barren cloud. What if people are mean to me again? Will I fit in here? Questions raced through my naïve little mind, worry and fear taking hold. From day one I felt an incredible amount of vulnerability, I would walk around the entire school just to avoid a certain group of people who looked like they would give me crap. One day in Home Economics I was conversing with the other kids at my table. The conversation started on about Beavis and Butt Head and how cool they were. I disagreed and replied that I found them quite annoying, believe it or not but it was this one opinion that started it all. A very rough and macho looking boy sitting next to me replied to my negative answer with “Your such a fag”. Completely dazzled as to why he would say something like that to me, I was left speechless and just turned the other way. It was more than likely this reaction that showed to him I wasn’t going to fight back and he took advantage of that. I had only been at school for two weeks when he made that comment. It was from that comment that the torment started and it lasted me the entirety of that year. If you were to have been there you would have seen a very scared, timid and vulnerable little boy, almost in tears being in the presence of that school. I would come home most days with bruises or cuts, both physically and mentally.

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