Jokes
Blondes
and Brunettes
- Blondes.
How
do you keep a blonde busy all day?
put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
How
does a blond kill a fish?
she drowns it.
A
blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Why
is a blonde like Australia?
they're both down under, and no one cares.
What
do you give the blonde that has everything?
penicillin.
Why
are blonde's coffins y-shaped?
because as soon as they are on their backs, their legs open.
Why
do blondes get confused in the ladies room?
they have to pull their own pants down.
- Blondes
Revenge
Why do brunettes like their dark hair color ?
It doesn't show the dirt.
Why didn't Indians scalp brunettes ?
The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable.
Why are brunettes so proud of their hair ?
It matches their mustache.
Why don't brunettes get breast implants ?
They've already spent their money on thigh & butt implants.
Why did God create brunettes ?
So ugly men wouldn't feel left out.
Why do brunettes have to pay an extra $2,000 for a breast job ?
Because the plastic surgeon has to start from scratch.
What's the difference between a brunette and the trash ?
At least the trash gets taken out once a week.
Men
And Women
- Women
What's the difference between women at ages of 8, 18, 28, 38 and 48 ?
@ 08 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.
@ 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.
@ 28 - You don't need to tell her any story to take her to bed..
@ 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed
@ 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up in the morning?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
What's the smartest thing to ever come out of a woman's mouth?
Albert Einstein's dick.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
SHE WAS A WOMAN!!
Did you hear about the guy who figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anyone.
- Men.
Why don't men name there penises after women.
Because they don't want a woman running their life.
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
He buys two cases of beer.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?;
They all already have boyfriends.
What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
They are married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?
God says: "So you would love her."But God," the man says, "why did you make her so
dumb? God says: "So she would love you.
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
Things Woman and Men Would Never Say
The Last Thing you would EVER hear a woman say.....
1. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being
friends.
2. I think hairy butts are really sexy.
3. Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
4. This diamond is way too big.
5. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
6. Wow, it really is 14 inches!
7. Does this make my butt look too small?
8. I'm wrong, you must be right again.
9. I insist that you always put your mother before me.
10. I love a good cigar after sex.
The Last Thing you would EVER hear a man
say......
1. Sometimes I just want to be held.
2. Her tits are just too big.
3. Sure I'd love to wear a condom.
4. We haven't been to the mall for ages, let's go shopping and I can hold your purse.
5. Fuck Monday Night Football, let's watch Murphy Brown.
6. I think we are lost, we better pull over and ask for directions.
7. Honey, I'm going to the store, do you need more tampons?
8. This shower curtain doesn't have enough frills on it.
9. My butt's too big, don't lie, it's true. My butt's too big.
10.I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.
What they really mean.....What they really mean.....
WHAT GIRLS SAY.........................WHAT THEY MEAN
- Can't we just be friends?.............There is no way in hell I am going to let
any part of your body touch any part of mine again.
- I just need some space................without you in it.
- Can you help me with my homework?........If I keep whining, the fool will do it
for me.
- Do I look fat in this dress?.......We haven't had a fight in a while.
- No, pizza's fine..................... Cheap bastard
- I just do not want a boyfriend now............... I just do not want (you as) a
boy- friend.
- I don't know; what do you want to do?.........I can't believe that you have nothing planned.
- Come here............................My puppy does this too .
- I like you but You never listen...................I don't like you You never listen.
- We're moving too quickly...........I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Rio has a girlfriend.
- Oh Yes! Right there............Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.
- There's no one else................I am doing your brother
WHAT GUYS SAY.........................WHAT THEY MEAN
- It is just orange juice, try it...........3 more shots, and she'll have her legs
around my head.
- She's kind of cute..............I want to bang her till I am blue .
- I miss you so much...............I am so horny that my roommate is starting to
look good
- I need you..........My hand is tired.
- I had her.............I had (wet dreams about) her all week..
- I really want to get to know you better......so I can tell my friends about it.
- How do I compare with all your Other boyfriends?..........Is my penis really that small?
- You're the only girl I've ever cared about........You are the only girl who has
not rejected me.
- I want you back.............for tonight anyway.
- We've been through so much together......If it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity.
- No, I do not want to dance right now.........Shoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on.
- The break-up should not start for another 24 hours..........I want to have sex a
few more times.
I hope everyone enjoyed and
sorry if any of you felt offended.
