Thanks Amy!

Subject: God billboards

"Some new billboards are getting some attention here in Dallas. I've noticed one or two of these, but the newspaper listed all of them. Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks" billboards. The billboards are a simple black background with white text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included. These are awesome... enjoy.

"Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game." -God "C'mon over and bring the kids." -God "What part of "Thou shalt Not..." didn't you understand? -God "We need to talk." -God "Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer." -God "Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage." -God That "Love Thy Neighbor thing... I meant it!" -God "I love you and you and you and you and..." -God "Will the road you're on get you to my place?" -God "Follow me." -God "Big bang theory? you've got to be kidding!" -God "My way is the highway." -God "Need directions?" -God "You think it's hot here?" -God "Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a test." -God "Do you have any idea where you're going?" -God "Don't make me come down there!" -God

Thanks Angel!

Wednesday, April 07, 1999 ~ A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. These are great:

As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You... Mess It Up.

Better Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The... Bug Is Close.

It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of... Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?

Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.

No News Is... Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.

You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.

Love All, Trust.. Me

The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.

An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.

Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.

Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!

A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.

Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.

Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.

Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You Have
To Blow Your Nose.

None Are So Blind As... Helen Keller.

Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.

You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.

There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Eddie.

Received from Luz Platzer. Thanks GCFL

Tuesday, April 06, 1999 ~ It was Palm Sunday and, because of strep throat, Sue's three-year-old son had to stay home from church with a babysitter. When the family returned home carrying palm branches, he asked what they were for.

His mother explained, "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by."

"Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I didn't go, He showed up!"      Thanks Angel!

One Question Too Far

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial--it went like this:

Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene.

Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life.

Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a locker room in the police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A: Yes sir, we do.

Q: And do you have a locker in that room? A: Yes sir, I do.

Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir.

Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?

A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room.

Thanks Funny Bone

SUBJECT: WHAT IF DR. SEUSS DID TECHNICAL BOOKS?

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, 'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk, and the micro-code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your mom. Thanks Jane!