What is the difference between Neilings and Neilisms?

Neilings rhyme with feelings. They are things that I think I feel, and things that I feel I think. In a mind such as mine the boundaries of thought and feeling are somewhat blurred, thus giving rise to Neilings, which no one is likely to understand.
Neilisms are things that I do and say and things that I quote. These can develop out of Neilings, or interaction between them and ideas from the real and imaginary worlds. To the normal listener they are like rubbish, and often provoke a great deal of annoyance.

Are Neilisms numerous or rare?

Both. Neilisms occur in frequency. Sometimes I think as many as six impossible things before breakfast. That sentence is a Neilism (you recognise the quote?). It is not strictly true, only true on days where I skip breakfast, spurt out six Neilisms and then have breakfast the next day. That sentence too could also be labelled a Neilism. Neilisms are numerous and varied, occuring frequently but irregularly.
They are also rare. At this moment I am wracking my brain for Neilisms and I've found only two. If I carried on for an hour, I might only find 10. But, I might find 10 in the next 10 minutes. They are unpredictable.

Are you sure they are unpredictable?

No, I'm not. If I was 100% sure about it then that would make them more predictable... right? Some minor Neilisms are simply copied from Tom Mathias, in turn copied from Damian Groves, and so while their origin can be traced, their nature and their purpose remain a mystery.

Excuse me, what is this page about?

This is A Page Devoted To Neilisms, as suggested by Jess the Incorruptable (22 December). A page of FAQ seemed to me the best way to introduce such a perculiar topic.

Are you completely mad, or just insane?

Good question, I only wish I knew. But I suppose part of the idea of it is not knowing, so I suppose I can't answer that. If there are any Psychologists or Psychiartrists reading perhaps it is best left to the experts.

Why are there only this many FAQs, and who asked them?

Questions have been submitted to me by people signing the guestbook and people e-mailing me. So far I've put (nearly?) all of those on here below. You must send me a question that can be added to this page.

Have you also responded to the question of Girls, as mentioned in Sarah's guestbook?

Yes, but it's not great. |The response|. In fact it's unfinished and according to the readers, it makes no sense at all.

Does Neilism mean you believe in nothing?

No, no, you're getting confused with nihilism, and I wouldn't count myself a nihilist.

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submit a neilism

Can you use the word succint appropriately in a casual conversation without sounding like a pr**k? - Andrew G

Yes I can, at least I believe so. I can't demonstrate this now as such because there is no casual conversation available.

Tommorow never does come, so that song is complete nonsense, so how come that song was a hit? - Lerys

Tomorrow never comes. If tomorrow never comes then the subordinate clause is true, which gives weight to whatever he is singing about. When tomorrow does come it is today. Tomorrow is a strange thing, it doesn't really exist... yet. But we need the word tomorrow in order to plan things. As for 'what makes a hit' I don't know and I don't care.

Who out of Tom, Lerys and Jess has the best website? - Jess

Interesting question. Lerys's website is young and growing rapidly, so by the time I write this it may have surpassed mine, so far it's interesting and funny. Jess's website is small and until recently static, but the guestbook is massive and in her wisdom she's updated the questions. Tom's website has gone into the shadows, but when it emerges I forsee he will have amassed enough momentum to dominate this web-ring.

Why? - Ian

Ask a question for the Neilisms FAQ so that I can increase the content of this page, that's WHY.

What are the winning numbers for tommorow nights lottery? - Andrew's Mother

I do not know. There are (49!/[43!×6!]) = 13,983,816 combinations. This is not a Neilistic question.

Can an equation for Neilisms predict them, or are they completely random in timing as well as in nature? - Lerys

No equation has yet been discovered. The world's top Neilologists are working to find one, but they must first develop their research and continue gathering insights into the curious field of Neilology. Dr Nick Curum's theory of Neilism states that 'if there is a piece of Chemistry homework that was supposed to be done by today, Neil has not yet done it.' That theory is sometimes extended, but I'm not familiar with the specifics.

would u join wavm? - Stephen

Maybe - what does that mean and how do I join? This is not a Neilistic question.

Do you believe Neilisms could spread into other isms, such as Stephenisms - Stephen

It might be possible. No Stephenisms have yet been observed by any Neilologists. Once we fully understand the Neilisms, it is quite likely we will notice the quirks in other observable people.

is blood thicker than water? - Chris

"Yes." is the unneilistic answer. The thickness of a liquid is a result of interrmolecular forces which prevent it from evapourating. Water is held together by hydrogen-bonding, and is actually denser than ice. Blood is composed mostly of plasma but also contains platelets, red and white blood cells. Most liquids are in fact thicker than water, because the van-der-waals forces acting between the molecules is very small due to water's relatve molecular mass. I think I've said enough on this matter now.

are there any precautions we can take against Neilism, and is a Neilist warning system availiable at high street prices? - Lerys

Yes there are precautions, but no warning systems have been devised thus far. You might say there is a gap in the market. If I knew what the precautions were, then I would eventually find a way to negate them by addapting the neilisms to render the precautions ineffective. Currently, it has been observed that avoiding sitting in close proximity to Neil T is often a good way to avoid the negative psychological effects of neilisms. For further enlightenment, consult Sarah Clarke.

HITCH HIKERS GUIDE TO THE GALAXY, what when why, fav quote, fav character, favourite head of zaphod beeblebrox and favourite white mouse. - Lerys

Er yes. There is enough of a neilistic relevance in there for me to answer.
What- it is a book (or trilogy in five parts) about a universal guide of the same name. When- books were written 1979-1992
Quote-

'A common mistake made when trying to design something completely foolproof, is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools'

Character- Well the ones I identify most with are Arthur Dent and Marvin. Lesser-mentioned but also great are firstly Prak(who, amongst else told the story of 'The Reason'), and secondly 'the guy who really controls the universe' (who is completely insane in an unthreatening way and thus quite bewildering.)

Why are you the way you are? Are you the way you are or do you just think you are the way we think you are? - Jess

Yes. No. I'd love to answer that right, but I'm not sure what it means. I am the way I am. The way I am can sometimes be affected by the way I think I am which can be affected by the way you think I am... but this is unquantifiable and probably never really happens. Fundamentally, I change very little, though I feel like I'm in constant change. Change comes from within, experience from without. We are not each fully conscious of our own existence, so who can say. Is there a big difference between reality and perception?
Furthermore, I've decided to halt my nervous breakdown on the grounds that it is unjustified and it's making a mockery of me and it's a bit of an insult to people who actually have real difficulty in their lives but through strength of character manage not to act like an idiot.

r u okay? - April

Yes, I appreciate your asking, but I am fine.

Whether the weather is hot, or whether the wheather is cold, what ever the weather, will we whether the weather, whether we like it or not? - Lerys

Well, no we won't whether the weather, but we will weather the weather, whether we like it or not.
We are the champions (Forensic scientists retire with much relief.)

Can you control these neilisms and perhaps make them less annoying? They have the habit of really p-ing me off. Tho I have to admit the neilisms page is funny. - Sarah

I thank you kindly for your candid commentary. Tis indeed appreciated. I will try to be less annoying both to you and to others. This page will stay up here even if neilisms are branded socially unacceptable.


Why is Neil at the moment like the cookie monster? - Lerys

Because I like to eat cookies? Cookies are yummy. Fact or opinion, take it as you will. If you meant I'm acting depressed, then it's because I currently have a low opinion of my self and the things I do. As they say, you never really appreciate what you have until it's gone. I miss what I don't have, and I won't appreciate all the things I have now until I lose them.
On a brighter note, I've decided to change all that!
The real reason I'm acting so glum is that I'm getting a cold. I never seem to notice that until I keep sneezing, then there's the realisation that I'm not actually depressed at all.

Where does Zsa-Zsa fit in with all this, and, indeed, where does Zsie-Zsie, and what of Zsa-Zsie? Can you help? - Tom

Well I think it's obvious really isn't it? Just remember, the answer to all of this can really be summarised as x. Where, x is equal to Zsie-Zsie.

How do you spell whimsies? Or Tutankhamun? - Jess

I would guess whimsies and Tutenkamun.

Is it possible for Neilologists to travel back in time to discover the occurance of Neilisims before your time. Also, is Neily a Neilism? - Tom

It is just as easy for a Neilologist to travel back in time as it is for anybody else. Neilologists are regular people, like you. (On second thoughts... hmmm)
Neily is technically not a neilism, but it is strongly linked to neilisms and is sometimes included in neilology. I can put up with people saying Neily, but every time somebody new says it I get very surprised that they would stoop to that kind of level. At the moment the number of people is four. I'm not expecting a fifth person.
The name Neil is not much better than Neily, but Neily just sounds so silly. Is there anything better you can call me? Like Null, or Nile, or Nez, or Niz or Nite, or Nit? Please call me Nit. "U-nit"

When did the expression Neilism come into being? Why did it come into being? AND most importantly, why dont u visit the site www.oocities.org/sazcrom as ITS BACK! - lerys

Neilisms have existed undiscovered as far back as my memory takes me. The use of the word 'neilism' was first recorded on the hyperlink on Saz's site, which pointed to my site and described it as "full of neilisms".
The next occurance of the word neilism around the websites was in Jess's entry in my GB, answering a question with "it [the site] would be better with a page devoted to Neilisms". Well, here it is. It's not just a small page, and I guess it does contribute to the site. I'm really glad that people have stopped associating my site with Elvish.
Yes I have visited Saz's site, and am glad she put it up.

These arent relly frequently asked questions are they Neil? Theyve only really been asked by one person. Why do you try to lie to us? - Jess?

They are. Let me clarify. This page contains the most frequently asked questions on Neilisms. Therein, the frequently asked questions are the questions about Neilisms which have been asked more frequently than others. So, a Neilism question that has been asked only once is still a frequently asked question by Neilological standards, because most questions about Neilisms have been asked zero times. Once a question has been asked once, it is put up on here with the answer, so it quite possibly won't be asked a second time. Indeed there is little point in submitting the same question here twice.
Crystal clear now?

Is a Neilism Neilistic? Can Neilism become a religion, life path or cult? - Tom

Neilisms are neilistic by definition. Neilism cannot become a religion. It is my life path, but that path may yet change. Neilism in its current form lacks the characteristics of a cult. So it can't become a cult unless it somehow gains these characteristics. That would be quite a bad thing to happen, and I can't imagine it being a very successful cult.

Will there be any webspace devoted to Neilings, or are these too much an intimate and integral part of your being? - Tom

No, there won't, and yes, they are.
Apart from that, Neilings are in some ways more confusing than Neilisms in their nature. To explain Neilings they need to be analysed, and that can often disturb their natural pattern, sometimes leading to their demise. To get around this I tend to share Neilings implicitly, thus nimbly avoiding the inner confrontation.

When did the chicken cross the road, and if by the same logic as all questions are FAQs as no question is asked more than once, if someone asked the same question again would the rest have to be taken off as they are no longer the most FAQs? - Lerys

The chicken did cross the road in his hour of destiny. When the time came to face the peril of a busy street, he did so, and only the joker knoweth the outcome. (What a stupid question)
Far cleverer is the latter:
No one will ask the same question twice. Even if they did, the questions which have been asked once would still be considered Frequently Asked relative to the infinite number of questions which have been asked zero times. The ones that have been asked zero times are the not-so-frequently-asked questions, and understandably I have omitted them.

Who has the power, Neil? - Jess

The one true God. "Thine be the kingdom, the power and the glory".

How Does It Feel To Be A Puny Mortal Who Could Be Crushed By A Truck Any Day? - Jess(?)

It feels good to be mortal. I might get crushed by a truck, but if I'm careful, I might not. At least I know I won't be crushed while driving one. We have to make the most of life. Immortality in itself I would suggest takes away much of life's meaning.

Is there a degree in this subject and if there is, would you get a first? - Sarah

No, there isn't. Just like in 1800 there was no degree in Chemistry. Neilology needs to develop before it will be taken seriously by the wider academic community. No I wouldn't get a first in it, but it would be a good waste of 3 years.

When you fell down, like lifes a curse... what do you do? - Lerys

You cheer up, for tomorrow could be worse! Well, what I actually tend to do is bury my head in my arms and make whiney noises. I also make weird remarks to unsuspecting comrades and resort to defensive Neilisms. These include: bargains such as "If I put you in my will, could you kill me?" ; references to situations that don't exist; allusions to a desire to fall asleep and live the rest of my life through dreams; and sometimes the unflinching gaze directed at any neighbouring people and a look as if I'd been through much more than I ever really have.

Marry, but tis a fine day to be abroud in. What thinkest though, Touchstone? - Jess

Ay, tis a fine day to be abroad in, but I'm not totally sure that's what you were asking, and you seemed to be addressing someone called Touchstone, not me. Forgive me for not answering earlier.

If you could sum yourself up in one word, what would it be, and what would the word be for other peoples in room 14? - Lerys

I can't sum up anybody in one word, so why try?

When? - Lerys

I'm only bothering to answer this question as a show of efficiency.
Your question refers to coordination on the Hitchhiker's Section. Look around Lerys, it has already happened. I spent part of Saturday bringing it together. See HHGTTG Section It is a frameset which transcends the two sites. I'm going to add to 'page 2' but I've run out of time. Chemistry coursework to do et al.

Why do you only pretend to answer all our questions? Is this website a fascist state where freedom of speech is only a myth? Are you even going to acknowledge this question or is it not good enough for you? - Jess

Sorry Jessica. I hardly leave out any questions. I attempt to answer questions which I can understand, and obviously I try to understand all of the questions. Yours I couldn't quite make out and I didn't want to fail in answering it. No it is not a fascist state, and I make the point that the freedom of speech here is much greater than on the other websites in this ring.

When is a Neily, not a Neily? And What does arguing with steps symbolise? Am i just crazy, bizarre, annoying, a pain in the a*se or all of the above? - Lerys

A Neily is usually not a Neily. When Neil says "Stop calling me Neily" then Neily is obviously not a Neily. When Neil is devoid of Neilisms, Neily is not a Neily. Alles klar?
Arguing with steps is probably classed as a Lerysm. If this was a dream then I suggest you consult Joseph in Egypt, he's great at that sort of thing. Yes Lerys, like all of us you are a little crazy, annoying at times and plenty bizarre. The trick is to contain it, and keep such attributes as "wonderful quirks". Anyway, you seem to be doing rather well for yourself, so maybe you should be advising me instead.


Why does it smell? - Jess

It smells because you smell. It smells of Jess because you are the only thing here that smells. Why do you smell?

What is the amount of Neilistic research that can be done without picking up neilistic characteristics, and if a person is contaminated by neilisms (HALLO!) is there a cure? - Lerys

Research has shown that Neilisms are more suscpetable to influence from the behaviour of others than vice versa. Neilisms are shaped by the outside world, the inner thought processes of Neil, and noticeably, the mannerisms of other people. To be absorbed and re-emitted, the mannerisms need to be 400 to 500 nanometres in wavelength. Any longer than 500 and they are in the obvious-popular part of the humour spectrum and so are reflected. Any longer than 500 they are in the ultra-bizarre region of the humour spectrum, i.e. so off-the-wall that they're not even funny.
In the event of someone being infected with Neilisms, they are advised to turn their attention to the source, and confront Neil on it. Then we can decide what is to be done. Probably solitary confinement.

Is there a german word for neilism? - Lerys

The German translation of Neilism (the concept as a whole) is Neilismus. 'A neilism' would probably be ein Neilism or eine Neiligkeit or, another way neilistische Beispielen 'neilistic examples'.

I would like to know, are there Neilistic reasons for not caring, as you say, and what are they? - Lerys

I don't care.
The reasons for this are, suprisingly, wholly unneilistic.
'I don't care' is in fact a desperate expression of unneilism, and could therefore be spuriously labelled 'an unneilism'. Further explanation of it here would be out of place.

Neil. Is Neil a Neilism, can Neil exist without Neilisms, and is there a planet of Neil from whence you came? - Lerys

Hey, sorry I forgot to answer this question earlier.
Is Neil a Neilism is like asking "what's gold made of?".
Neil cannot be a Neilism. Neil > The set of Neilisms. Neil exists when the number of Neilisms in existence at any one time is > So the answer to your second question is yes, in theory, and no in practice.
Thirdly, there is no planet called Neil. (As far as I know)

How many Neils does it take to change a lightbulb? - Tom

Two - one to take the old one out and the other to get a new one and put it in.
This could conceivably be done with just one Neil.

If neil created a sim of himself what points would you give him, ie neatness, playfulness, creativity, etc? - Lerys

Messy	0--(3)------10	Neat
Shy	0(1)--------10	Outgoing
Lazy	0(1)--------10	Active
Serious	0----(5)----10	Playful
Grouchy	0-------(8)-10	Nice

If there is a plane full of monkeys and they all jump at the same time, does that make the plane weigh less in that instant? - Jess?

Well... the weight of the plane depends on two things. It's mass and the local strength of gravity. In the situation you described, the g is pretty much constant. The mass of the plane also remains constant. Therefore, the weight of the actual plane does remain the same before, during and after. The difference being that while there are monkeys sitting, their weight is acting on the plane, which is countered by the reaction of the seats (c'est á dire, the monkeys do not fall through the seats at any time). When they all jump, they do the opposite of colliding with the seats. This sends the plane falling downwards at a speed inversely proportional to the Earth's mass (i.e. infintesimally slow, insignificant) and to conserve universal momentum the monkeys are sent flying up at a speed inversely proportional to their mass (relatively fast) which is what you wanted them to do. So, while the monkeys are mid-air in the plane, the monkeys are a small distance higher than they were, and the plane is an absolutely tiny distance lower than it was. When the monkeys fall down, they both move the reverse of these distances and I think return to exactly the same spot... except for the fact the plane is moving horizontally. Either way, the weight of the plane itself doesn't change at all, and the monkeys' weight doesn't change either, so the weight of monkeys+plane doesn't change.
Of course what we're forgetting is that the plane is travelling by burning fuel, and so the mass of the plane is actually decreasing all the time, because the mass is escaping in the vapour trail that you see in the sky. So, the plane weighs less anyway, whether the monkeys jump or not. Even if no gases escape the plane in the instant that the monkeys jump, the nuclei which make up the plane are still decaying, which will reduce the mass by an even smaller amount. This again has nothing to do with the monkeys.

Chaos Theory..do you subscribe to it. I think I might do. - Sarah

Yes, mostly. I believe most of the things that Chaos Theory says. Order tends to Chaos, the world is becoming more chaotic. And the need for science to take a normalistic approach. I am familiar with the Butterfly Effect, as I mentioned below, and it does make you think. The smallest things will eventually have big effects, by chain reaction. Cause and effect. Brings us back to one of the themes of The Matrix Reloaded but I don't understand all of what the Merovingian was talking about causality etc. It sounded interesting.
The way I see it, there are three possibilites as to how events are controlled.
1. the world is pre-determined by the creator and we're just going through the motions, nothing that ever happens is unintended.
2. the idea that we control our own lives through free will
3. or it is really ruled by chaos, and that any event will have random effects, which in turn have more random effects which means the event will eventually change the world completely. So the world is unpredictable. Which is why weather forcasters will often be wrong in long-term forcasts. I think.
Chaos theory really says a lot more than this. In fact I may have misrepresented it. I think I'd better add some more on this later.
Chaos theory is one of the most interesting things, but it's not a TOE (theory of everything) just in case you thought it was. There are problems with it and it doesn't explain everything.

What do you understand by the term php? and does anyone care what this question is actually asking? - Lerys

I really don't understand what PHP is. It's on your guestbook, and in one you called it "p hp" which suggests to me that the hp is an entity, as in HP sauce or Harry Potter. No idea what it's asking. I care in as much as I'd like to know what it is, but I can live without it.

Have you any idea who I am? Please???? - Lerys' Mother

I had absolutely no idea who you were, until I phoned up Lerys and he told me. At the time I didn't even know that the previous one was Lerys, so I didn't have any leads. Now I know.

Havent any. Have you? - Sazzy

No, not right now I haven't.

Observation:

Neil hasnt answered the questions submitted to neilism in the last week. This one is me, as is the other patrick one, the other one that isnt saz is my mother. - Lerys

How did IT go. I hope it went great, you deserve it. - Sarah

It went fine thanks, but could you stop weirding me out with all your "I need to know"-crap?

Why does it always rain on me? - Lerys

Hallo, did you get my e-mail? How is it you always manage to be online when I'm not? Do you sneak online when I stop for lunch, and dash off before I sign on?
Leaving that aside... It always rains on you because you lied when you were seventeen. Don't play the innocent with me. The question is, what was your lie?

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody saying everything's alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all these lights 

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning 

I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by an invisible man
Still life on a shelf when
I got my mind on something else 

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning 

Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold 
I can't sleep tonight
Everybody's saying everything's all right
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of the lights 

Sunny days
Where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Even when the sun is shining
I can't avoid the lightning
Oh, where did the blue skies go?
And why is it raining so?
It's so cold
Why does it always rain on me?
Why does it always rain on....

As I said, your rain page is great. I'm going to visit your site to see if you've done anything new.

Why do birds suddenly appear everytime you are near? - Jess

Umm. I don't see anyway to answer this other than literally.
No birds are currently appearing, and nor am I near to you.
In the event that birds suddenly appear to you upon the proximity of another, then it is a matter of your perception or perhaps a crack in your sanity.

Did u know that you arent on msger at the moment and if you did what shall we do on wednesday, and finally and most importantly, can a neilism be from other neils, or just from the great NRT - Lerys

Sorry, I had no idea you were on messenger. Next time drop call me or something.
We need to play chess against each other, don't forget it.
Neilisms primarily refer to Neil Robert Tarling. In certain circumstances they can refer to another Neil, if the neilism is sufficiently relevant/applicable to NRT, or the context is somehow linked to NRT. There are no examples to demonstrate this possibility.
Congratulations, you are the 50th FAQ from the guestbook!

The minds of humans seems to grow ever more zombified, basking in simple minded thoughts, infested by media and possesed by so called culture.As we stand against the tides of this insane lack of thinking, when we die, will that be the last of us? - Li Saiman (Unknown)

Good question. The answer I don't truly know. I believe that each person has an immortal soul, and that death is not the end. When we die, our spiritual life continues although our physical life and our ability to change our fate has ceased. In such an afterlife, I think it would be a lot more bearable if we have lived a righteous life. At such a time there will be no hiding from your sin or judgement. I believe it is never too late to change. I think your question emphasises the fate of the zombie. I believe the zombie will have a zombielike afterlife unless he is able to change.
I hope that answers your question, and I'd really like to know who you are

Well I hope youre having a gr8 summer. It looks like it. Talk to you soon. - Saz

I am having a great summer, thank you. I hope you have one too.

Who da Man? - Jess

In order to be da man you need to be a man, so since I don't know whether you are or not, it would be wrong of me to answer "you", because I'm not sure that's what you're looking for. Since the answer has no literal meaning I don't see much point in giving one. I'm more interested in the rest of your entry and who in fact you are.
Who are you? If you're someone I know I would guess (1) Jess, (2) Tom, (3) Andy, and now I'm out of ideas. Please let me know.
I want to respond to this -
Whats the most constructive you can say of me? : That sentance makes no sense. I say that you cannot talk in correct English. Maybe you miss out a thing there, huh? Bloody philistine. Its people like you that burn books.
The sentence isn't as clear as it could be because Geocities guestbook questions can only take up a certain number of characters, e.g. 48. I would argue that except for the missing apostraphe (I did include one but Geocities took it away in the guestbook process) my sentence is perfectly correct English. "What is the most constructive you can say of me?" where 'most constructive' is a superlative standing in place of 'best' or 'worst'. I insist to you that my english is correct and that my sentence makes sense.
And I don't burn books.

Where has everyone gone, thee and me seem to be the only guestbook signers these days, i think websitism has fallen into disrepair, dont you agree? - Lerys

As we're on the subject of 'correct english/grammar' I have to say your use of "thee and me" is making me cringe. Thee is the accusative/object of Thou. Me is the accusative/object of I. While You is the accusative/object of You. No wonder people stopped using Thou/thee in favour of You. You should say "You and I seem" or "Thou and I seem", please use the word thee only when it really is accusative/object, and use thou when it's nominative/subject.
Yes, it would appear that you and I are the only guestbook signers about, but I still want to know who Screwy Squirrel is, so if anybody has any information about their identity, please come forward so that the entry can be properly credited. Update: It was Jess all along
I think that websitism has stopped growing, and I suppose that is not oh so weird. It has always been the case with my site that attracting visitors is an endothermic process. I take it that your site doesn't see as much traffic as it once did? If we want to stop things from slowing down we need to put more energy in. It may be a wholly endothermic thing, or it may just need a large energy of activation before our websites explode with popularity! (Are you laughing?)

Whats your stripper name (first pets name plus mothers maiden name)? Mines Bubbles Brampton. - Jess

Mine's Tina Robins.


Recent Unanswered Questions

These questions have been posted recently on the guestbook and I decided it was best not to try and answer them, for reasons which should already be apparant. Still, Lerys has pointed out that I'm not doing anything and not even answering these questions (I'm sure you can come out with better questions than this) but here we go, I'll answer them.

same again, and what eva your having - Lerys

Yes, websitism has gone into disrepair and yes where has everyone gone, however I hear your site is coming back Winchester-style.

Will you change your website or will we have to pickett you? - Jess et al

Yes I have changed it. Measured criticism and constructive discussion is still welcome.

Where oh where has my little neil gone? - Lerys

I didn't go very far but just couldn't be bothered with these answers for a while. But I'm back now, so fire away.

My question is what question would you ask of a Neilisms page, and then answer it! - Lerys

I would ask, "How long will it be before you can apply Group Theory to Sociology?". Answer is "Quite a while."

Na, getting old now. - Saz

Yes, whatever.

yes, yes i do. - Kerry

Then ask it, by all means.

Can Neil still be bothered to answer neilisms questions? If yes, good! thankyou. did you like the report? - Lerys

Yes, I can now, especially if you make it worth answering. So yes. And yes, the report was great.

Additional Questions (via e-mail)

submit a neilism

i think that possibly a dictionary of Neilisms, or even a comprehensive list of those Neilism that occur frequently. I also think it should be explained in terms of a dictionary definition, what exactly a Neilism is and just how Neilish can be translated in to standard English..... something we'd all like to know. - Lerys

What is your faviourte Neilism and why? - Stephen

Are you a robot? Are we all and we just don't know about it? HELP!!! - Jess

Can Neilisms cease to be Neilisms at any point? - Tom

Don't you ever get pissed at like being this whole other being. Wouldn't you like to be someone different and more normal. What would you do if you're name was michael? - Sarah

If I hate someone as much as I hate my self, and I'm ok with suicide, is it alright to kill that someone? - StEm

Are you depressed? - Sarah

I don't smell, but you have a stupid face. Why is that? - Jess

Do I have any sazzyisms...I feel left out!? - Sazy

What do you think we'll all be doing in fifteen years time? - Jess

Observation - Jess

I'm sorry, but I just read about the Royal society of Nielology and noticed that all the doctors etc were male and all the assistants, the secretaries if you will, were female.

Question - Jess

Why do you behave like this Neil? Is it that you think Nick, Lerys, Tom and Richard are just cleverer in principle than myself and the two Sarahs. Maybe you think our little female brains would just explode under the pressure. What was that Niel? You think I should just go back in the Kitchen? Screw you.

Observation:I'm deeply hurt.

You've got me confused now. If I'm not Lerys, who am I? - "Screwy Squirral"

Observation: I am quite confused but I know a Neil and I think it would be fun to tell him that he has his own "isms." However, I feel you have made this up.

Can you give me a succinct definition (haha. see above) of what neilism is so I can pretend it's real and tell my friend? thanks! I'll come back and check the website every so often. - "Lila"

"Hallo"

This is the German word for 'Hi', compared to 'Guten Tag' et al which are closer to 'Hello'. Hallo is also a simple but rare variation of the English word 'Hello', which in some parts of the country is occasionally used interchangeably with it. A more widely accepted version is 'Hullo'.
In year 7 German I learnt the word for the first time, and used it in my first term at Shirley High, but it didn't become a prominent Neilism.
The story you're all expecting is, that I picked it from Tom Mathias. This is absolutely true. (Other speakers of the HALLO include Damian Groves, Sarah Clarke, Lerys Campbell and still more.) The HALLO, as I refer to it, underwent wide and rapid propogation at Tenisons at some point in 2001 or 2002 but that still goes on at a decelerated rate today. I don't know exactly who in Tenison's coined the expression, but it is just one of the many harassment tools in Damian's armoury.

Pseudoantidisestablishmentarianism

For the introduction of this word to everyone I know, I claim the credit for. I honestly believe that the use of this word among people around me did indeed begin with my use of it circa 1998. I think discovered it in 'The Top Ten Of Everything 1997' where it is ranked equal-9th longest word in the English language, alongside 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'. Both have 34 letters, so they come in handy whenever you just need to use a long word. The advantage of Pseud'ism (abbrev.) over Superc'ous is that (a) I know what it really means and (b) most people don't.
Definition: False opposition to the withdrawal of state support from the church.
'Antidisestablishment' may be more familiar to you, I don't know, It wasn't to me. I'm not sure of whether I'm a pseudoantidisestablishmentarianist or not... the word seems to revolve around a conflict between religion and politics, and I'm not too keen on conflict.

The Three of Clubs

This is a funny story, at least to me it is. The hilarity and sheer magnificence of this card is appreciated mostly (or probably, 'only') by Tom Mathias and my self. The story is, at break at college we are playing Hearts, the card game. If you don't know how to play, learn how and then you can join in. So, I can tell you what happened here, I'm not sure if that's enough in order for you to find it funny in any way. Tom, Lerys, myself and Adam are playing. It's at a late stage in the game, two rounds of clubs have gone, so Tom and I have run out of clubs. Lerys still has at least one, (we saw his cards), and Adam, who is a newbie to it, also has a club. Adam then wins a round of spades without the queen in it, so it's his lead.
THEN... I mutter 'Maybe you should lay a club Adam' and Tom follows this with 'Yes Adam, why not lay a club?' So he lays [drumroll] the Three of Clubs, which Lerys must follow with a higher club, Tom lays the Queen of Spades and I finish it off with the Ace of Hearts. Thus giving Lerys 14 (out of 26) penalty points in one trick. Hysteric laughter ensues (well the atmosphere and timing played a big part).
The card is thence hailed as the greatest. Partly because it is the lowest club after the first trick, so it's quite likely that once you lead it, someone will drop some penalty cards and someone else will have to win them with a higher club. Even in OTHER card games, (where it has no significance whatsoever) it is still often recognised with a smile and sometimes with Tom's line "That card rocks my socks...".	It's a Neilism, so if you're having trouble grasping it, never mind.

Relating Advanced Chemistry to Human Behaviour

This is a more general Neilism. Any student of chemistry knows that atoms have wishes, desires, (or aspirations if you will) of their own... they get attracted, repelled or excited, they want to steal someone else's elelctrons, they try to share them, they want company... they partake in 'parnerswapping'. This is all true. They even get that uncomfortable feeling when you have to sit next to a stranger on the bus! Chemistry can be related to the behaviour, psychology and relationships of people. You might say that atoms take after people, but I'm sure it's more accurate to say that people take after atoms. This is the way that Chemistry has always been taught, because it is close enough to the truth to get you through, and for some people it makes it easier to understand.
The Neilism here is seeing such parallels of life to chemistry when any normal person would not see one. That is somewhat freaky and very Neillike. Please don't get the idea I'm obsessed with Chemistry, it's not even my favourite subject. The chief witness to this Neilism is Nick.

MSN Display names

This is a wide Neilism, because it potentially encompasses all other Neilisms that can be expressed in a string of less than 130 chars. Recent Display names include: (Only a few are here, and they are well well out of date)

Doofus Aloofus The Unforgiven II Neil T - - - - [This one is kinda permanent, my forename and final initial] Neient Zwyvux Tumbling like the leaves ---[song lyrics] Ø - - - -['The empty set'] God <=> Love - - - -[logical statement] Findecáno Oronar Kobayashi Maru Nihil...Null...Nil...Neil Gaaaaah! Neil the Freak

Later on this list may grow and might need a page of its own, who can say?
A note on display names of others: Your display name is however you want to appear to everyone on MSN, so I have no business telling you what you should put in there. The things that happen to irritate me about other peoples' are:

Lots of characters that actually mean nothing Bad choice of uppercase/lowercase Silly mistakes URLs Emoticons Things out of date (especially the context-sensitive ones) Things I can't understand

LIFF

'The Meaning of Liff' is a book of definitions by Douglas Adams and John Lloyd. It contains a mixture of placenames and made-up words which have been assigned to definitions of humorous common experiences and feelings. There is no neilism involved here, except that I love the book and I will eventually use some of them in conversation.
My favourite example is:

ABOYNE(vb) - To beat an expert at a game of skill by playing so appallingly that none of his clever tactics or strategies are of any use to him.

I have the book but I've just found the whole thing online now too, so here is a link: http://pcbo.dcs.aber.ac.uk/liff/liff.html

FFF

Stands for 'Fourteenth February Fiasco'. This Neilism dictates that on the fourteenth of February of any given year, Neil must create an interpersonal fiasco. This normally involves an expression of hidden feelings, possibly leading to a rejection and ending in some degree of remorse or at least embarrassment.

Date		Cringe factor	Commentary
Sunday Fourteenth	February 1999	0	This is the previctorian era. After the Yr9 music exam and yet before the romeo & juliet essay in English. No FF to speak of here. .
Monday Fourteenth	February 2000	+2	A rather cringing experience with a expedition to investiate the school valentines messageboard, which as it turned out, they hadn't put up yet. .
Wednesday Fourteenth	February 2001	+3	This was a very regrettable incident which changed the course of this history. I can't remember what was said, but I remember it was wrong and it forced an end to something which should probably have been over earlier. But from the ashes of disaster grow the roses of success.
Thursday Fourteenth	February 2002	+1	Party at a house in a crescent. This is not a particularly worrying incident. There are minor cringes when I look back on it. Nothing excruciating. Just neurosis I suppose. .
Friday Fourteenth	February 2003	+4	The Deuce of Hearts Fiasco. The year that began this FFF documentation. Fairly high cringe factor. A rather daring, if eccentric, plan was hatched involving a card. It didn't go very smoothly. An apology followed after a fortnight.
Saturday Fourteenth	February 2004	+1	A rendez-vous at the Crown. Nothing disastrous per se, but things can seem tainted in retrospect. There were cringes but it seemed right at the time. .
Monday Fourteenth	February 2005	0	Well this time, funnily enough, nothing happened. Where's my tragedy? Where's my story? Antagonist, where art thou?

Driving

I have this thing, about not wanting to drive a car. In some ways this is a justifable and reasonable opinion. My parents say I have an attitude problem with it. I don't want to learn to drive because I don't want to drive.



Driving is expensive. The cost of lessons, tests, retests, a car, petrol, tax, parking, congestion charge, insurance, accidents - it is potentially infinite. Learning to drive takes time and perseverence which I can't be bothered with at this time in my life.

Black

Using cars pollutes the environment. We all need to cut down on pollution, so not driving is a good start. Every day many young people are killed and injured in road accidents. The risks we take when we drive a vehicle always underestimated, and people pay the price.

"You won't catch me driving a car, FAR too dangerous!" - Neil

"You've really gotta watch your driving when there's a blind elderly disabled person who goes to school on a horse riding a bike on icy road in the rain in the dark near a zebra crossing in a residential area." Tom/Neil

Neoneilism

This is a growing aspect of Neilism. It is one about which very little is known because absolutely no research has been undertaken into it. The reason for this is the combined exodus and quietening of Neilologists all over.
The people who were around when Neilology began have since been absent. There has been scarce contact with the Neilological community. Those who left are far away and are not easy to reach or be reached by. Those who stayed, well, that is a mystery; but though they are still here as I am, contact has slowed and Neilology has not continued in its previous form.
We still do not know the underlying reasons for this change of affairs, and really we must look in the direction that this page was set up to look; that is, into Neil.
Has Neil changed?
'Yes' does not really answer the question we are asking. We want to know really what these changes have been, and who is Neil now? Perhaps they are not big changes, but until this is addressed we can't really say anything about it.
Neil does not relate in the same way to the people around him. Because the same people are not around him; and mostly they are not around the same place.
Thus we should discover new neilisms which describe the way Neil relates with a new environment and new people, as well as the old ones.
[By the way, I miss you people]
There are neoneilisms out there. As of yet, no light has been shone on them to identify and investigate them.
[It might be noted that there is one person who knows me particularly well, currently and slightly previously, but she has not apparantly taken up the garb of a Neilologist]