April 7, 1998
Signs you live in a Small Town
  1. The welcome sign and leaving sign are on the same post.
  2. Your mailman doesn't have to leave home to deliver the mail.
  3. You get teary-eyed when you hear the tune "Small Town" by John Cougar Mellencamp.
  4. You get online to read "Kim's Chuckle-A-Day" and everyone comes over to read it with you.
  5. The mayor runs the city out of his house
  6. You sneeze and get a "Gesundheit" from half the population.
  7. The town dog pound and jail are the same
  8. If a piece of your mail is addressed with only your name and city (i.e."John Doe, Smalltown,") you'll get it.
  9. The elementary school crossing guard is also the sheriff.
  10. The town picnic only needed two packs of hotdogs, two packs of buns, one bag of chips, and two six packs of soda to feed all the residents.
  11. The local paper comes out monthly, and is only one page.
  12. Two people in line at the grocery store is a rush, and three cars at an intersection is a traffic jam.
  13. Your phone number has two digits.
  14. The cop stops you only to tell you that your wife wanted you to pick up some milk on the way home.
  15. You can name everyone you graduated with.
  16. You know what 4-H is.
  17. You ever went to "headlight parties".
  18. You used to drag "main".
  19. You said the 'f' word and your parents knew within the hour.
  20. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't.
  21. You ever went cow-tipping.
  22. You have parties at the same guy's house.
  23. School gets cancelled for state sporting events.
  24. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were. (and, if you were old enough, they'd tell your parents, anyhow)
  25. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you still had to go out and drive on back roads to smoke them.
  26. Social acceptance in town depended on the approval of the five old (but rich) hags that met each morning at the donut shop for the latest smut.
  27. You were ever in the Homecoming parade.
  28. You have ever gone home for Homecoming after graduating.
  29. You fix yourself up when you go buy milk lest anyone starts the rumor that you have gained weight or quit taking care of yourself.
  30. Friday nights fun consisted of standing in line for the one screen theater and since it was sold out, watching truckers and drinking coffee at the truck stop (the only place open after 10).
  31. You have to drive an hour to buy a pair of socks.
  32. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.
  33. You have ever gone for a walk in the cemetery on a date.
  34. You ordered your wardrobe out of a catalog.
  35. You had senior skip day.
  36. The whole senior class went to the same party after graduation.
  37. You don't give directions by street names or house numbers, but you give directions by references. (turn by Armstrongs' Liquor, go two blocks past Andersons', and it's four houses left of the track field)

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