Odysseus Needs Some Home Insurance

So, our Web Wanderer gathered his crew, provisioned his vessel "Explorer 4.0" and set sail to search the Net for insurance on his modest home, against demands for damages from his neighbors or fellow citizens, and perhaps even against the destruction of his admittedly high-mileage but familiar and trusty vehicle. Drawing forth his yellowed charts, he commanded a course for Quicken InsureMarket, where he had sailed before, and been assured that the availability of home insurance was "coming soon," and resolved to record the adventures he found along the way.

Earlier indications that quotes for auto and home insurance would be "soon" provided turned out to be premature. For now, the "Quotes, Purchasing & Agents " link at InsureMarket led Odysseus to opportunities to get term life insurance quotes from several companies.

At InsureMarket's Quotes, Purchasing & Agents page, clicking on "Easy Quote - Term Life" gains the visitor a page with a choice of five companies offering "real-time quotes," and five companies offering "Agent Contact Options." It promises anonymity and "no pressure" to buy now.

In the way of choices for coverage on his home, Odysseus found far less. Not much more, in fact, but the chance to meet new and fascinating people.

The "Auto Insurance" option invited our Wanderer to "Get policy information and locate agents from leading companies in your area." Our hero resolved to follow this path where it might lead.

Remembering the troubles that fell upon him when he visited the Land of the Lotus Eaters, Brave Odysseus fought the advance of the Spell of Sleep, and yawning mightily, pressed the "View Agents" button. This led, in time, to an enticing opportunity to make a new friend by sending a message to a named but faceless agent back in far Ithaca.

Odysseus frowned. A servant in Ithaca is of no use to him, for he now stands before the gate of InsureMarket, fighting the Spell of Sleep cast by the Siren Allstate. Why, he asks himself, cannot he be served here, now, as a wandering king far from home deserves? Must he always wait on the availability of servants who should be more appropriately conforming to his convenience?

Growing unsettled, he turns to the door with the bold image "Home Insurance" but finds it locked beyond his powers to open, and sealed tight with ancient runes advising that "EasyQuote(sm) Home" is coming "late this winter."

Consulting his Navigator, our Netizen commands the sail be lifted and the helm set for the shores of InsWeb. As the land rises over the horizon of the wine-dark sea, Odysseus admires its clean, compact lines, so like his own land of Ithaca. Crafted more of text than of fat images, it appears a workmanlike, unfussy place.

From a signal tower topping the InsWeb horizon, Odysseus observes the signs of familliar merchants, and the offer of "Easy Access to the Names You Trust." Another scroll promises "a convenient way to get accurate quotes from many companies in a secure, sales pressure-free environment." He commands his men to land and accompany him in search of his needs.

Entering his name and selecting a password under the assurance of complete privacy through the magic of a Spell Called SSL, our weary traveler's heart falls as he finds that Ithaca is one of the two kingdoms in which no quotes are available "temporarily." Unwilling to lie about his origin, our honest warrior moves out from the stall and shop, seeking again insurance for his abode.

Heartened by an image of a modest home not unlike his own, he enters the door thus labeled, to find the now-familiar legend: "Homeowners - not currently available" Turning aside the scurrying vendor hastily offering Wedding Insurance, Odysseus returned again to his boat, woke his men and cast again onto the waves.

He paled as the Oracle intoned: "there are 4,851,828 pages containing at least one of these words". Yet here is the one most like your supplication: American Indemnity Financial Corporation Odysseus viewed the offering, and was dazzled by the colors, the frames, the images, the stirring bold-face MISSION STATEMENT that could be partly viewed through the window provided, as a prisoner views the world through a too-small portal. Yet, in all the color, and pictures, he found not the sought words "Homeowners Insurance Quote."

Hopefully, he clicked on "Product," only to find more text extolling the funds received in various kingdoms through the sale of their products, and the nobility of their efforts. But no offer of a quotation. Shaking his head, Odysseus returned to the Oracle. "Who else may your wisdom see, oh Far-Seeing One?"

"Free Quotes!" spake the Oracle. Odysseus cried "Show me now!"

Yes, breathed Odysseus, reading on: "You choose the Broker or Agent.  The information you submit is received DIRECTLY by the Agent or Broker, and is strictly confidential." Well, another opportunity to make a new friend, one of potential value someday.

Opening the door for Homeowners Insurance Quotes for his realm, he found a bare, gray confessional seeking intimate details details about his home, its security, his credit rating, whether he'd ever filed bankruptcy. The list seemed to scroll on forever. And to then select the agent who would receive this information "in confidence." The list did not take long to read:"XYZ Insurance Center" and "ABC Insurance Agency." Full stop.

Oh, and a repeating list of radio buttons, each identically marked "Agency1" ... Agency 1 ... Agency 1.

Muttering "Agency 1, Agency 1" Odysseus backed away watchfully returned to his ship.

And, at last Abandoning His Quest, Seeks Solace in Net Radio

"At last, have you found where I might obtain the protection I desire? Can it be true after all these wanderings? Is this another spartan tomb with obscure vendors from remote hamlets, oh Oracle?"

"I doubt you'll find it spartan," cooed the Oracle, as she guided Odysseus through the door.

Odysseus passed into a realm filled to the brim with color and movement, all well-organized and efficient, offering a multitude of services, information and amusements, including streaming banners offering "Real-Time Mortgage Quotes -- Over 1000 Lendors", buttons for 'stocks' and 'news' and 'maps' and 'UPS package tracking'. Before his eyes, standing out from this bazzaar of delights, in bold crimson colors, was the legend: "4INSURANCE" ... "a FREE consumer shopping service .. Click Here to request a quote on Auto, Health, Home or Life Insurance."

Curiously, though the "Research" stall touted information of Auto, Health, Life and Commercial Insurance, even links to State Insurance Departments, none responded to his calls. Even the door marked "To Save on Insurance - Click Here" failed to respond, despite his knocks.

In sudden panic that, perhaps, some secret spell or disability from an old wound had taken from him his power to be seen or heard, Odysseus tested his powers, reaching into his satchel of Favorites, from which he plucked "Reflections from a Murky Pond" at GeoCities, a favored hobby site with links to soothing sounds and images. It responded promptly, proving our hero's continued mettle, with an icon to immediate selection of soothing music channels from Net Radio ("an officially licensed ASCAP and BMI site").

Well, sighed our weary mariner, if I cannot buy insurance, at least I can choose from any of 150+ channels of music, to be immediately delivered to me wherever I am on the Web, in CD quality stereo. Selecting "New Age," his faithful RealAudio Player opening to present it, Odysseus let the sounds of the earth, air, water and fire mix with soothing voices and tones, as his soul lifted again. Slipping back to his ship, he gave the order to set sail again, in endless searching upon the Wine Dark Web.

Please, write me what you think, and register below for Odysseus' next story of another voyage of discovery.

  Doug Simpson

98.01.13