S O S

"Our old mess sergeant's taste buds had been shot off in the war.
But his savory collations add to our esprit de corps.
To think of all the marvelous ways
They're using plastics nowadays.
It makes a fellow proud to be a soldier!"
Tom Lehrer - "It Makes A Fellow Proud To Be A Soldier"

Creamed Beef on Toast, as the military likes to call it for public consumption, is universally called SOS (for the obvious Bodily Waste Product on a Shingle). Anyone who has spent more than one day in any military facility has tangled with it. Made from the official government recipe it tastes just as you would expect...somewhere on the ghastliness scale between grits and Twinkies. The best description would be ground roadkill in a wallpaper paste sauce.

Fortunately, as every veteran knows, there are two ways to do anything: the Right Way and the Military Way. Treating the manual with the usual utter contempt, this is a version that I was taught by a red-neck Oklahoma Tech Sergeant at Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage. Bear in mind that this is scaled down from the 50 Gallon Steam Kettle for Five Hundred Guys in the Winter Version.

Ingredients

1 Lb lean hambuger
4 Tblsp Butter
4 Tblsp Hard (Bread) Flour
1/2 Tsp each Cayenne Pepper, Black Pepper
and Garlic Powder
3 drops of Worchestershire Sauce
Salt to taste
1 Cup of milk
Bread for Toast (or English Muffins)

Preparation

Brown the hamburger in the butter. Add the Worchestershire Sauce and spices as it's browning. Add the flour a Tblsp at a time, stirring constantly, until all the butter is soaked up. Add the milk slowly, still stirring constantly until the sauce forms and simmer on low heat until the flour taste goes away (5 minutes or so). This continues to thicken as it cooks so you may have to add a little more milk. It's ready when it's thick enough to ladle and too thick to pour.

Delivery

The serving suggestion below derives from a couple of loons from New Orleans who insisted it was the only way to eat breakfast. It sounds awful...but it's just the thing when it's 50 below zero and some twit of an officer decides it's time for arctic survival training.

Put two slices of toast (or a split muffin) on a plate. Ladle a healthy scoop of SOS over the top. Toss on a couple of eggs scrambled in bacon or sausage fat (with bacon and/or sausage on the side). Top with a healthy belt of Durkee's Louisiana Hot Sauce (or something more lethal for you ChileHeads).

Serve with GI Coffee (the stuff that takes the paint off your engine block and comes with an unfiltered Camel). Don't plan on having lunch.