Yayyyyyy!!!

Peaceful War

Christine Lavin recently released a new album Shining my Flashlight at the Moon, on which is a track called The Divorce Song. I won't quote the lyrics here, since it would be a definite copyright violation, but the general idea of the song is to promote the idea of an amicable divorce. Divorce, of course, isn't a very fun thing to go through. The idea itself requires that two people who were once one become two again. Birth is very similar in concept, and I can assure you that it's not really possible to give birth without any pain. :-)

What I liked about the song was that it glamorized the adult way to handle divorce. So often, one or both partners are so absorbed in their own pain that they forget what pain they inflict. I'm not saying it's not understandable. It is. But it's not right to hurt others in the process.

I remember seeing a television special on sailing one day some months ago. The show profiled a world class sailor and his partner wife who had just decided to split up. Their decision was due to his need for the sea and her need to be on land with her grandchildren. They loved each other enough not to insist that the other give up what they wanted most. They were so mature about it that I just sat there and watched in admiration.

Some years ago, I worked with a guy named Mark. (It's from him that I got the nickname Jeniwren.) He was kinda short and feisty, suited well to his red hair. Before we worked together, he had been married and had fathered two really beautiful children. Shortly after the second child was born, he and his wife had irreconcilable differences and decided to split. They made the agreement at that time, that for the sake of their children, they would make every effort to get along. It had been several years by the time I met him, but it never ceased to amaze me that he could speak so well of his ex-wife. She would call during the day occasionally and he spoke to her as he would anyone else…no trace of enmity at all. You would never guess they were ex-spouses. I think it made a big difference with their kids too. His kids seemed very happy. They rarely got into trouble, and the trouble they did find was the usual kid stuff, not anything serious. His example was very inspiring, and I swore that if I ever divorced, that's the way I'd want it to be too.

I think it would be great if Hollywood caught up with these examples of maturity. I don't remember ever seeing a sitcom or movie where the soon to be ex-spouses were polite to each other. I honestly think that some people, in the throes of divorce, don't know that it's perfectly okay to be kind to each other anyway.

So…big raves for Christine Lavin, for that sailor and his wife, and for my old friend Mark!!