jeniwren@compuserve.com
As a brunette concerned with the Y2K problem so menacingly looming before us, I felt it important to give my informed opinion on the proper preparatory procedures to take before the end of this year consumes us all.
In that light, please take the following bullet points as important steps to take to protect yourself on Doomsday:
Beginning January 1, make sure to wait at least one hour after eating before swimming.
Don’t run with scissors.
Balance your checkbook.
Don’t talk to strangers.
Hold hands when you’re crossing the street (presuming that there are any other humans still alive after January 1 passes).
Signal appropriately before turning.
Wear clean underwear before going out.
Brush your teeth at least twice a day for at least two minutes per brushing.
Save 10% of your income for short term savings.
Just say ‘No’ to drugs.
Remember that the phrase ‘Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me’ is the biggest crock of kindergarten wisdom ever repeated by a 5 year old.
Exercise regularly.
Floss daily.
Live within your means.
Play nice with the other kids.
Eat your veggies. (I’m going to have a terrible time with this one.)
Drink 8 glasses of water a day. (And prepare to spend a lot of time in the bathroom. A good book there might make the time more enjoyable.)
Seperate darks from whites. (The LAUNDRY, silly. Geez. Mom said that this one wasn't really very funny. Sorry.)
These are very basic precautions to take; ones I hope you will take seriously. Good luck and God bless you.
[Advice Mode OFF] Thanks for listening.
I don’t know if you are like me at all in thinking that at least some of this hype about the impending Y2K deadline is just a little ridiculous. Why the Catholic or Protestant churches would have any take on it at all is beyond me. Ever since Jesus left us, various churches through the centuries have predicted his return as just around the corner, possibly even next year. I’m not going to argue with any theologian about this particular issue on the basis that my excessive ignorance is too great to merit a valid opinion.
If my understanding is correct, the angle the churches seem to take is that responsible Christians will be stockpiling food, cash and other necessities on the chance that the end of this year will lead to significant domestic problems in supplies and services. Perhaps it’s a bit harsh of me, and I can certainly understand that concept of proper stewardship, but if churches really believe in the benevolence of God, do they really think it’s necessary to cause food and other supply shortages and possible runs on the banks (also encouraging petty thieves to cash in on the Christian cash cows) by advising their followers to take such precautions? The Isrealites were much less prepared when they entered the desert after liberation from the Egyptians.
One thing I’ve learned over the years (31 of them now) is that we are taken care of. There is always something good around the corner when the going is tough. Perhaps the belief that when we are lowest, we have the most room for good things to happen to us is naïve of me. If so, I apologize and encourage you to make any preparations for Y2K that you think are necessary.
In any case, I don’t believe that the end of this year will cause havoc on the scale that some would lead those less familiar with the computer world to believe. Thus do I offer the above advice. Take it as the good sense it is. It must be good sense: my mom helped me write it.
