Written Realistically by John Irvin                           No. 19                                           September 1, 1998

It's a Man's World?

I’ve been living in Asia now for two and a half years, plus a long visit I made here the year before that. I’ve been on the road, in train stations, hotels, buses, as well as living in my house in Chiang Mai. Once in a while, I suddenly am struck by the stark fact that it seems so much like a men’s world over here. By that I mean there seem to be more men farangs than women, both as visitors and as permanent residents. I’m not saying that this is my preference; actually, sometimes it makes me kind of uneasy. But it’s worth talking about, because I think it’s really true.

It seems to me that men have a more extensive network, more things working in their favor than women do, in Chiang Mai. Again, this may be because there are more men here in the first place. Men will meet in places like hostess bars, places where women would probably not go, and chat over a beer and trade information. Men also have a lot more doors open to them generally in Asia: they are expected to be in charge, and they are given a little more respect socially. In many schools where I’ve worked, for example, the number of men teachers has outnumbered the number of women.

Men probably formed the original expatriate society in Thailand, fed by military personnel, diplomats, overseas traders, career travelers, explorers – traditionally jobs filled by men. Even today in Thailand, expatriate life is sort of like belonging to a club, where just by being a foreigner, a person automatically becomes a member. Sometimes women are welcome in these clubs, and sometimes not. Clubs can be fun, but they can also be strongholds of racism, sexism, and many other kinds of "isms." A lot of men here seem to actually like having only men as peers; at least, they don’t want to share their territory with women. Women who come here will be able to make friends, but not as easily or with as many people as men will.

Just to be fair, I want to make it clear that I am not criticizing men’s consciousness, or going to bars, or men’s friendships with other men, including their shared admiration for women. I have enjoyed some great camaraderie with men in Chiang Mai, and I think it’s wonderful how easy it is to go out to a place and just get in a conversation, and how, unlike in Los Angeles or New York, people are generally open to meeting someone new. But I think it’s fair to say that men have a lot more opportunities in Thailand than women do.

Many men come to Chiang Mai and get married to Thai women. Some come to retire here. I know a few farang women who have married Thai men, but the number is much smaller. Mostly, farang women don’t go for Thai men, whereas farang men are very enthusiastic about Thai women. Single farang women who come to Chiang Mai to live are on their own: they may have some men friends, but in romance they will have to compete with the Thai women, and most farang men didn’t come to Thailand to meet a woman from back home.

So, what do the women do who come here to live? A lot of them work with NGOs – non-governmental organizations – and other groups that help Thai people, those in villages, people with AIDS, sex workers, things like that. Some of them are here for a specific purpose, such as studying art or ceramics, for example, or learning about Thai fabrics. A few farang women get involved in owning a business here, such as a restaurant or even a bar. But many farang women here do just what the farang men do – they work a little, teach English, get by on a small income, and just enjoy living in Thailand.

For travelers, the story is similar, but conditions on the road make everything more topsy-turvy and less predictable. This kind of environment suits a lot of men just fine, but a lot of women want things to be more dependable, and also more comfortable. In general, men are more tolerant about sleeping in run down places, and they are less cautious about their personal safety, especially sexually. They are more apt to travel alone, and they don’t mind sitting in a bus station for a couple of hours and being the only farang there. Generally, I find that women travelers want to upgrade their conditions a little over what the average man will settle for, getting a nicer room, or traveling with a group of people.

Of course there are lots of women, especially the younger ones, who have no qualms about traveling around all of southeast Asia with a backpack, and who can rough it just as much as any man. But, I think the overall concerns about safety from crime and disease on the road, and the desire for comfort and cleanliness, has an effect on the overall number of women traveling.

In addition to the conditions of the road itself, there are undeniable institutions that make it harder for women on the road. Like it or not, it’s just more of a male culture on the road. Bars, as I’ve already mentioned, are often staffed by local hostesses who make their living from providing hospitality specifically to men. Taxi drivers, officials, and hotel staff may look down on women travelers, and may try to take advantage of them. Women travelers have to be able to deal with these things.

Just to balance this out, I should point out that the actual danger from violent crime in Thailand is very low for travelers, both men and women. Real sexual harassment, such as groping or crude propositions, is uncommon (I’m sure that women are far safer traveling in Thailand than they would be in the United States, for example). Thais are fairly willing to accept that a lot of farang women are self-sufficient, and if a women shows that she can take care of herself, they’ll respect that.

For women who want to travel to Thailand, or anywhere in southeast Asia, I think a little preparation and planning will make their trip more satisfying. Unless a woman is really confident and experienced, I would say it would be best to travel with a friend. To help her cause, she should be informed, read the guidebook, learn some Thai phrases, be "on the ball." I also advise her to wear respectable clothing, stay away from tank tops and things that are okay in the U.S. but may invite stares in Thailand. Most of this is pretty common sense, I think. What really matters the most is her own confidence: if she can acts like she carry it off, Thai people will believe that she really is independent. If she can be positive, cheerful, and assertive in a modest way, she’ll do fine.
________________________________________________
Next Issue: tune in again in November, for some more exciting surprises!

© Copyright 1998, John Irvin

This page hosted by Get your own Free Homepage