22nd December 2000 Although it hasn't been the season we were hoping for last August, to me it simply doesn't matter. After all, the difference between most of us and most of the people who tag on to Man U is that we're football fans, not followers of glory. As long as there's a Chelsea I'll be there shouting for them, and judging by the predominance of supportive emails I receive, so will you. Let's hope for a late surge and a place in Europe at the least. I'll be back with a vengeance in the New Year. Merry Christmas. 20th December 2000 Bates Gets Sweet FA For Christmas It appears that the FA and the City investors who turned their back on Ken's bloated £675 million plans for Wembley are a bit more canny than the shareholders and trustees of Chelsea Village, who have thus far swallowed every scrap of bullshit thrown to them over the past five years. This unfortunate state of affairs has culminated in a situation where CV are deeply in the red, and, in spite of Ken's constant assurances that everything is going according to plan, the unpalatable truth is that CV is being crippled by interest payments of £7m a year (£18,000 a day) on the £75m Eurobond taken out to pay for the woefully undersubscribed hotels, restaurants and nightclubs around the stadium. Worse still, this £75m must be paid back in full in 2007. Some fans have complained that I'm concentrating on a subject that doesn't belong on a football web page. I disagree: the reason I go on about it is because I'm worried sick that the club will cease to exist if, as seems likely, Chelsea Village takes a tumble. Actually, I couldn't give a flying fuck about CV or what Bates gets up to, just so long as it doesn't hurt Chelsea Football Club. That is the trouble, though: the club is inextricably linked to the fortunes of Chelsea Village. Ken Bates expects us to believe his flim-flam that the club is safe because the fans own the pitch, but he's once again betraying his contempt for our intelligence. Only a fool would believe that CFC could exist as an island with a bankrupt property development surrounding it. The obvious concern is whether Chelsea Village is likely to be in a position to make a £75 million payment in six years time; CV shares are hardly a good investment at the moment, especially with the recent annual report announcing losses amounting to several million pounds. This is in spite of the fact that the coffers were swelled to the tune of around £15 million by the Champions League campaign, something that definitely won't be happening next year. With considerable losses for four years out of the five that CV has been in existence you would have to be one hell of an optimist to believe that CV will be able to repay the loan on the due date. One wonders just what it will take before the trustees of CV wake up and have Ken removed before the whole lot comes crashing down, inevitably bringing Chelsea Football Club with it. 18th December 2000 Di Canio: Sporting Or Barking ? The bad part was the reaction of his captain, Whinger Ginger Lomas, who took it upon himself to berate Di Canio, presumably for bringing the game into repute. He did this while waving his arms around like a deranged windmill, thereby sending an unmistakable message to the fans. In Lomas' defence, he did back down after the game, but he missed a great opportunity to applaud Di Canio's sportsmanship while the fans were watching. West Ham lost two points out of it, but I would suggest that what they gained was far more important, although West Ham fans may disagree. Before a huge debate starts on this, I couldn't give a shit what anyone else thinks; to me Di Canio's actions were in the finest tradition of fair play and sportsmanship, something that has become extremely unfashionable in an era where sport has been hijacked by big business. This is a tragic loss. The fact that sportsmanship is a rarety nowadays is an indictment of the way that sport has allowed itself to become a servant of corporations only interested in making money, where inconvenient traditions like sportsmanship only serve to get in the way of profits. Di Canio is no angel, and has undoubtedly done things on the pitch that could be described as unsporting, but I'd take one of him in exchange for a team full of professional cheats anyday. (What do you mean "professional cheats" ? Are you referring to Gabriel Batistuta ? - Ed.) No, I'm not - Priesty. 15th December 2000 13th December 2000 12th December 2000 I admit I'm no accountant, but I can't get this to add up, no matter which way I look at it, and here's why: If it's true that CV have all this dosh rolling around in their current account, and of course I've no reason to doubt anything Father Christmas says, perhaps Chelsea Village shareholders should dare to ask Ken the following question at the next AGM: how does he reconcile his wild boast of a cash-rich Chelsea Village with the fact that less than three weeks ago we received a glossy but depressing annual report announcing a multi million pound loss, for the fourth time in five years ? NOTE: There has never been a dividend. Derby Match Report 11th December 2000 Let it never be said that I don't own up when I'm wrong: I have to admit that so far the nitwit on the official Chelsea site who reckoned we'd get maximum points off all the unglamorous teams has been right. That doesn't excuse his unjust comments about Tore Andre Flo, though, so let's not get carried away. Actually I'm pleased as hell that Chelsea beat Man City and Derby, and will be happy to admit to being a total knobhead if it means Chelsea climbing up the league. Greater love hath no man than he would look like a twat for his team... An Apology 7th December 2000 The fact is that the Chelsea Football Club that we fans know and love is increasingly at risk because of Ken's absurd dream of creating an exclusive executive village bang next door to a football stadium. Ken is obviously aware of the dichotomy involved when earthy, sometimes pissed, football fans and well-heeled hotel and restaurant patrons meet head on, and this does answer a few of the questions as to why Ken seems to want to get rid of the traditional, loyal fanbase that has kept the club going since 1902. In spite of the glossy annual report to shareholders trumpeting the success of the Chelsea Village Group, the only part of the whole business that's actually doing well is the football club. Last season was Chelsea Football Club's best ever in terms of revenue, with around £15 million earned from the Champions League alone, yet Chelsea Village still produced record losses. This season there'll be no such prop for the ailing hotel and leisure group, courtesy of the "change of direction" cited by Ken as his reason for sacking Luca Vialli. This change of direction involved the immediate dumping of the team out of European competition and a headlong plunge down the Premiership. No doubt this wasn't quite what Ken had in mind, but it shows what can happen when snap decisions are made that aren't soundly based in footballing terms. The upshot is that Chelsea fans should not be surprised that important football decisions, such as the selling of vital players or the appointment of managers, are increasingly driven by the needs of Chelsea Village rather than the needs of the football club. It doesn't take a genius to see where it will eventually lead. Those Chelsea fans that still think of Ken Bates as Chelsea Football Club's saviour should ask themselves this question: why was Gianluca Vialli sacked after losing just one game, following the club's best ever season ? Answers on the back of the AIM share price listing for August, please. 6th December 2000 Right, then, let's just ignore the fact that Father Christmas Bates and his merry fucking band of elves are doing their utmost to fuck it all up for the fans, shall we ? I've just about had it with these people walking round the place with their heads in the sand (Can you do that ? - Ed), blithely carrying on as though nothing out of the ordinary is happening at Stamford Bridge and criticising me for being so disloyal as to criticise the club. OK, then, Ostriches, time for a reality check: cast your tiny minds back a few short months, if you can. Here are just a few of the things that should have rung a small alarm bell in your cosy world beneath the sand (cue the ersatz version of "Whole Lotta Love"): You see my point ? Not much there to make even the most loyal fan proud. Chelsea Football Club are my main passion in life, however sad you may think that is, so I reserve the right to have the odd moan when I see the fans marginalised and the name of the club made a laughing stock throughout Europe. Believe it or not I still have affection for Ken Bates, as I can remember when he acted in Chelsea Football Club's interests, rather than in Chelsea Village's. I will never forget that without Ken Stamford Bridge would now be an upmarket housing estate (Hmmmm. I wonder what they'd have called it ? Chelsea Village, perhaps ?). Ken's priorities now clearly lie elsewhere, and I believe it's time to divorce Chelsea Village and Ken from Chelsea Football Club before it's too late. Now here's an olive branch to the people who still think everything's hunky dory and that none of us should dare to question Uncle Ken: I will try to put this behind me from now on, and will attempt to depict events in a more positive light, but I will shout as loud as I can when I see my club's name besmirched in the way it has been recently. In any case, judging by the feedback I get, I'm speaking for the majority of the people who use this site. 5th December 2000 5th December 2000 As recently as two weeks ago this literary genius was insulting Tore Andre Flo and Chelsea fans by saying that "..getting 12 million for a player who was often only a substitute seems good business". Only a substitute ? I would ask you to note the use of the word "only" in this context, which implies that Tore wasn't much good because he was often a substitute. QE fucking D. Am I right to assume, as this guy is 'writing' on the official site, that Chelsea FC endorse his comments ? I despair. You'd think he'd have trouble outdoing himself after that, wouldn't you, but not a bit of it. I quote verbatim from last Monday's priceless entry:
"There are still about 500 tickets left for this Sunday's game against Man City and following that game Chelsea face Derby at home, Middlesbrough away and Bradford at home so you would feel Chelsea have to pick up a lot of points and a boost in confidence from those matches." Putting aside the reckless disregard for grammar and punctuation, and indeed sinking to his level for a moment: no, you would not fucking well feel that at all. Has this bloke ever seen Chelsea play against teams like these ? Has he seen Chelsea play, period ? I suspect he's been on the old electric soup; we'll be fucking lucky if we get even one point out of that lot. Don't get me wrong: if the lineup read Man U, Liverpool, Arsenal and Leeds I'd put us down for all 12.. Go on, Chelsea, prove me wrong. I'll be pleased to look even more like a twat than Barnett. If that's possible. (The win against Man City was a good start, but I'm not holding my breath) FAPL Geniuses I've talked to three different lawyers about it, and each one of them is of the opinion that the FAPL haven't got a leg to stand on in court, not to mention the bad publicity they'd get. This obviously means that they're trying a fast one, knowing that I can't afford to fight them off. To me this is the thin end of an extremely unpleasant wedge, and anyone with half a brain can work out the end result. Obviously I'm outraged by the FAPL's bullying tactics. If anyone else out there feels the same way, consider this appeal for help: If you are, or if you know of, a good IP (Intellectual Property) lawyer who's prepared to help out in any way, please email me. You'd be doing football fans a service. If the FAPL think they can get away with this it will encourage them in their aim to shut down all competition; if they succeed it will be a bad day for football and for free speech on the Internet, which was designed as a DEMOCRATIC MEDIUM - I will explain this term to the FAPL if they wish.
Priesty Says Relax..
Ken Bates blah blah blah, Chelsea Village blah blah blah. Time out. I'd like to thank all of you who have made this site such a success over the last five years for your continued support. I wish I could thank you individually, but there are too many of you, which is a reflection of the passion that people feel about Chelsea Football Club. I feel the same, in spite of my increasing misery with the way things are going at Stamford Bridge, and I'm not talking about the football, but let's leave that for now.
Fixtures List That Dares Speak Its Name..
The rumour is that Chelsea are playing a team from up north at Stamford Bridge on Saturday. The team's name is not a million miles away from sounding like Madford Titty. Sue me for that, then, FA Premier League. Ridiculous. Sir George Barman writes: Dear Sir, Infringement of Human Rights.. All Intellectual Property is theft.. Short Back and Sides... Savages... String 'em all up, or get them doing National Service... Beastly drunk... Chambermaid... Ride 'em cavalry style... Damned Boche... (etc.)
Cuddly Ken Bates's role in the redevelopment of the new 90,000-seater national stadium at Wembley has been downgraded by the FA, who have demoted him from chairman of WNSL (Wembley National Stadium Ltd) to vice-chairman. This is a bit of a setback for Ken, who only days earlier had been insisting to anyone who would listen that his grandiose plans for the redevelopment, involving a five-fold hike in the projected cost of the project, had been given a "unanimous vote of confidence" at a WNSL crisis meeting. I am informed that no such vote was taken, so either I have been misinformed or Ken is telling porkies; possibly he is confusing dreams with reality. In view of his demotion you can draw your own conclusions.
Venables: Jam Today ?
Another away loss for the Blues, this time at Terry Venables' Middlesbrough. You will be aware that the score was 0-1. You will also be aware that the goal was a complete fluke, resulting from a cruel and unintentional deflection. Why, then, are the worthies of the national media describing Boro's victory as a "typical tactical masterpiece" from Terry Venables ? Furthermore, and far worse, why are they now thundering on at the FA for not making him England's manager, when most of them were advising against it only a month ago ? Answers on the back of an 11 plus certificate marked: "FAIL", please.
I know this will upset Dr. Les, my fiercest critic, as his contempt for Paulo Di Canio is well documented, but I will forge ahead regardless. I think that Di Canio's actions at the weekend are worthy of mention, if only as a textbook example of both the best and the worst aspects of the modern game. The good part was that Di Canio caught a cross and stopped the game when he saw Everton keeper Paul Gerrard lying in agony, when if he had continued playing he would almost certainly have scored a goal.
A Doctor Writes..
The irrepressible Dr Les awoke yesterday in a Kowloon brothel with an empty wallet, the mother of all hangovers and a condom stretched over his head. Having kicked a few dogs on his way home, he sought to ease his misery by relaxing in front of his computer. I'm afraid he's not terribly happy with what he found while surfing the Web: an innocent member of the public who dared to criticise him in one of the messages in my guestbook. 
Neither a Lender Nor A Borrower Be..
I have seen the light. The £43 million in the bank (see below) is BORROWED. This makes infinite sense: borrow more money to pay back interest on money borrowed earlier, then use the new borrowed money to make people think that you're financially sound. I'd be a hypocrite to complain about this, as it is a strategy I employed with great success (albeit temporary), as a young man fresh out of school, but it's not exactly what you'd expect from a serious business venture, particularly when it's one on which the future of the football club you support depends for survival. Ho hum.
Cinderella or Rockefeller ?
I'm sorry to have to go back on my promise to highlight the positive side of events at Stamford Bridge, but I couldn't help raising my eyebrows when I saw that Ken Bates had said in a recent interview that Chelsea didn't sell Tore Andre Flo because they needed the money. "I read that 'cash-strapped' Chelsea had to sell Flo to balance their books. What, with £43m in the bank? We didn't sell Tore for financial reasons" chortled Ken.
Once again my Stamford Bridge Correspondent Nialli Vialli has come to the rescue with a highly amusing and idiosyncratic match report from the Derby game.
Donkey Derby
As promised I'm going to try and look for the positive side of events at Stamford Bridge, although the way the club is being run, financially at least, makes that a difficult task. We have to move on, and perhaps the 4-1 drubbing of Derby will be the catalyst Chelsea Football Club needs to get things moving away from the negativity we've experienced so far this season. An away win is now the priority, and where better to achieve that than at Middlesbrough on Saturday ?
A Chelsea fan by the name of Mike has asked me to apologise on his behalf to the "bandwagon students, Italian tourists, middle aged bank executives and various other unfortunate souls" who have had to sit next to him since the start of the season. He's apologising because he's ashamed for making a damned nuisance of himself by supporting the team. This has apparently involved shouting, chanting, occasional swearing and "breathing alcohol all over their caviar ciabatta rolls". I mention this because Mike almost exactly fits the profile of the type of person Ken Bates would like to bar from Stamford Bridge: He is a football fan.
No Surprises
It's been a shade over 24 hours now since I asked if I was "shite or right" on the subject of whether I've lost the plot about the goings-on at Chelsea Football Club (see below). I've had a fair few replies in that time, all of them broadly agreeing with what I said. The one note of disagreement was the guy who said I was a bit harsh on the official Chelsea site. I wasn't having a go at the site, which is generally excellent, just the disloyal moron who tried to slur Tore Andre Flo, no doubt on orders from Cuddly Uncle Ken, who knows a thing or two about slurring people (if you don't know to whom I'm referring, ask Ruth Harding).
Et Tu Brute ?
Some people are suggesting that I'm losing the plot, and am becoming bitter and disillusioned with Chelsea and football. I will answer these accusations in my usual, mature way. Having thought very carefully about the charges, and taking a balanced and restrained view, here's my response:
Man City Match Report
Better late than never. An excellent report on the Man City game from our Stamford Bridge correspondent Nialli Vialli.
Shocking Journalism Shocker
A word about the joker who writes the daily "Bits and Bobs" blurb for the official Chelsea site, whom I suspect is Neil Barnett, the absolute tit who "does" the halftime presentations at SB (apologies if it isn't, but you should sign your articles. Come to think of it, I can see why you don't..). Whatever the identity of this paragon, I'm sorry to report that he's becoming more laughable, ludicrous and outlandish every day.
I still don't know whether to laugh, cry or just smash up the place because of the fact that the FA Premier League can take me to court and threaten to scare my ISP into shutting down my site if I tell Chelsea fans where and who the team is playing on Saturday.