Surgery Notes

Sir, I am writing to add my voice to your other mentally ill contributors over the recent battle of Stamford Bridge. I had the good fortune to watch the match "live" (i.e. on the telly) and therefore I could benefit from instant replays and inane commentary and would like to make the following points: 1. Cometh the hour, cometh the Keown In the absence of the hateful Lee Dixon and with Freddie the prat warming the bench, there was a retard void in the arsenal team that needed to be filled. It was just a question of who. Our old friend Patrick was banned, Parlour was down the hairdressers, Tony is too old so who could it be ? Step forward Martin Keown. Now I have always hated Keown as he is quite simply a fucking awful footballer, but fair dues, he never pretended to be an Eddie Newton or a Pele. He always played the big rugged centre back, you know the one hard as nails but fair with it. Saturday showed us we were wrong he is in fact a silly little bitch who wears his wife's frillies under his shorts. First he deliberately trips Gianfranco, a man who has never dived in his life. Then he is all over Jimmy Floyd like a cheap suit from Burtons. Then he goes down quicker than George Michael when Jimmy waggles a shoulder at him ! Let it be known that Keown is a tart who cries if Lee Dixon doesn't hold his hand during training. 2. New Glasses Mr Wegner? So from where Arsene was standing (ie the half way line) he thought that the penalty decision was harsh. Now think about this for a minute, there were a good 10 players obstructing his view and Gianfranco was moving at pace between BBQ Tony and Cocksucker Martin and yet from Arsene's position 40 yards away it looked a harsh decision. Okay, fair enough, he is entitled to his narrow-minded view. But let's consider scenario two: Jimmy Floyd is 3 yards away and Martin is giving him a BCS (body cavity search) when suddenly Martin goes down as if shot from a nearby book depository (whatever that is). Now Arsene you cannot be seriously telling us that you did not see this incident ? Are you blind or just a lying wanker ? Same old Arsenal, always diving. In the words of the late, great Ian Dury "Arsenal, Bastards, Fucking Cunts and Pricks". You see my point ? Dr Les. Once again I can find no fault with your points, Les, well-made, balanced and fair as they are. Bravo ! Priesty.

© 2001 Priesty's Chelsea FC Refuge.