25th June 2007 I'd like to thank the people who've been leaving supportive messages in my guestbook since I started updating the site more regularly again, especially long-time readers like Ania Blue, Keg, Ali Logan, Max Davis and Clive. It's nice to know that in spite of my appalling attendance record during the last couple of years there are still people out there who have stayed with the site. It occurs to me that you just wouldn't get this sort of loyalty with any other club. The type of people who support clubs like Man U and Liverpool would have been off long ago looking for glory elsewhere, but Chelsea fans are well known for their patience - 27 years of winning nothing obviously sorts out the men and women from the boys and girls. I salute you all. To paraphrase one of our famous terrace chants, we are the Chelsea and we are the best. Let's just laugh at the rest.. 22nd June 2007 The truth is that there is not even a hint of criticism of Chelsea in the Stevens report. There is an oblique mention of the club, but only with reference to the agent Pini Zahavi and his "failure to cooperate fully" with Lord Stevens about his role in the transfers of Essien, Cech and Drogba. You would have thought that even a halfwit of the lowest order could work out that the report is criticising Zahavi and not Chelsea, but unsurprisingly the Mirror seemed unable to make this simple distinction. How could they have got it so wrong ? Could it be that, in the finest journalistic tradition, they did not bother to read the fucking thing properly, but just skimmed through it in the pub ? Could it be that they were so keen to stitch up the Blues that thoroughness and journalistic integrity deserted them ? Surely not.. To illustrate my point, should you need it, imagine the following headlines and tell me which do you reckon would sell more newspapers: "Chelsea Named And Shamed In Stevens Bung Enquiry" or "Zahavi Named And Shamed In Stevens Bung Enquiry" ? Answers on the back of a beer mat, please. Fuck off, Daily Mirror ! 20th June 2007 We must make allowances, however, for the fact that the poor lad is doubly handicapped by having to live in Germany, while also suffering from advanced dipsomania. I am certain that having an Italian wife does not help him in this regard either, and I should know, having been married in my youth to a particularly volatile Italian (aren't they all??). The marriage was an interesting although relatively brief experience. I had a tiny inkling that it wasn't going to last when, having mildy disagreed with my new wife over some trifling point, I awoke in the back of an ambulance, suffering from severe concussion that left me seeing double for a week - the crazy bitch had thrown an enormous glass ashtray at the back of my head. I'm aware that this incident doesn't exactly portray either of us in a good light but I've decided to mention it as a kind of free gift to my readers; hopefully it will provide them with some much-needed amusement.. 19th June 2007 Right on nearly all counts, Jose; their history may be magnificent but it's totally irrelevant. What am I on about ? I ask you, football fans, what would you rather have: a club that's trading on successes gained years before most of their fans were born, or a club that's winning titles and cups in front of the fans' eyes ? Hmmmm, a tricky one... The truth of it is that those rascally scousers inhabit a world of self-serving fantasy, as graphically demonstrated over and over again when things go pear-shaped for them. Their heart-rending cries of wounded outrage are a proven method of disguise and deflect attention from the misdeeds of some of their fans. Nobody outside the Liverpool area is fooled. Over the years we've seen with our own eyes what Liverpool's fans get up to on tour, so get with it, scousers. Stop pretending that you're loveable, friendly moptops and have the courage to admit that a good proportion of your fans are professional scallywags who try to use football as a cover for alcohol-fuelled riotous assembly, pickpocketing, mugging and general jiggery-pokery. Fuck off, scousers ! 18th June 2007 Depressingly (but inevitably, I suppose) I seem to have stirred up a veritable hornet's nest of derangement - I also received a rant from Klaus in the same delivery. If you've ever visited someone in a lunatic asylum (I have) you will know that you only have to say hello to one nutter and the rest of them are crowding you like flies round a cow's arse - you practically have to beat them off with a shitty stick. I appear to have digressed. Klaus has discovered some important news concerning Sir Alan Sugar, former Chairman of North London perennial under-achievers Rottenham Plopspurs. Apparently Sir Alan has finally realised what Chelsea fans have known for years, namely that Rottenham are not, as they claim, a big club; their dismal performance since the inception of the Premier League (they've only once come higher than seventh) confirms this. It's much fairer to say that they're a bunch of small-timers with delusions of grandeur... PS It occurs to me that if you're reading this in a locked room at a secure institution you may have taken umbrage at my slightly derogatory references to people with mental health problems in the above item. No offence meant - you are very welcome here and I'm sure you'll feel right at home. And don't worry, I will come and say hello to you next time I visit Dr Les. Once they've recaptured him, that is. 14th June 2007 My theory as to why so many rival fans like to come here is that, in spite of the fact that they are mostly supremely dull-witted, they have cottoned on to the fact that the majority of sites dedicated to football are there for two main purposes: to pedal club propaganda and to extract as much money as possible from their visitors, in return for providing little that is of any real value. Unfortunately for them the alternative is Priesty's, run by a man of sublime taste and decency (that's me) who genuinely believes that anyone who follows ManUre is by nature a loser with a lack of moral fibre, ably held back by an egregious medical misfit (that's Dr Les) whose grasp on sanity is so slender that he has had to leave the country in order to avoid forced incarceration in a lunatic asylum under the Mental Health Act. Then just when they think it can't get any worse they come up against Klaus, the so-called "Voice Of Reason" ! This amuses me no end and it just goes to show that it does not pay to follow football clubs for the wrong reasons, something most of the people in category A) above know all too well. I had occasion to flick through yesterday's Evening Standard while wasting away another half hour of my life waiting for a late train. Up until then I had instinctively disliked David Mellor but I changed my mind after reading his column - among other insulting epithets he called Liverpoo fans "feral". I laughed out loud at this and was lucky not to be detained a la Dr Les. Keep it up, Dave ! 6th June 2007 If I had a pound for every empty threat I receive from pimply sociopaths, locked in their lonely bedsits with only their sperm-clogged keyboards for company, I would be as wealthy as JR Abramovich. I'm still waiting for the day when I get a flame that goes beyond the primeval. If that ever happens I will feature it here, but based on past experience I would advise you not to hold your breath... Fuck off, Man U "fans" ! Into every life a little rain must fall: in response to almost no requests I have brought together a collection of the very worst of Dr Les, but be warned: under no circumstances should you go any further unless you are of an extremely robust constitution.. 5th June 2007 Nothing new there, you might say - it's the same story every time an English side ventures into Europe. Let's face it, we offer a crucial service to our European cousins by providing excellent training material for their neanderthal riot police. What gets me, though, is that as usual Liverpool FC and their supporters are in denial, blaming everyone except themselves for their problems. Predictably they are claiming that what happened in Athens (pissed scousers running amok, robbing other scousers of their tickets, trying to storm the stadium in their hundreds, etc) was all UEFA's fault and that the media are telling terrible porkies. Much as I detest both UEFA and the gutter press I find this a bit fucking rich - we all saw with our own eyes what a hard core of scousers got up to in Athens. They can go on all they like about how what happened wasn't their fault but the facts are that if they'd behaved themselves there would have been NO ructions whatever. Although I'm quite sure other English fans would have behaved in a similar way, you would have thought that people who follow a club that was involved in the disasters at Hillsborough and Heysel would know better. They make me sick. Fuck off, Scousers ! 2nd June 2007 As an aside, it was good to see JT score the first goal in an international at the new Wembley last night. His performance against Brazil was towering. The England defence under his leadership looked solid and it was telling that Brazil only equalised once he'd been substituted. Other Chelsea players looked sharp, with Frank Lampard turning in a solid performance, and Joe Cole was so good he would not have been out of place playing for the opposition.. 31st May 2007 The good news is that I have discovered that one of the greatest talents ever to don a Chelsea shirt is now back in the fold. After years in the wilderness, the Great Eddie Newton is now coaching youngsters at the Chelsea Academy. Any readers who are old enough to have been at the game at Tottenham in December 1991 will remember that Eddie, usually a left or right-sided midfielder, came out as the lone striker. We could not believe it, but it made perfect sense when you looked at the alternative: Robert Fleck, who has the dubious distinction of being the only Chelsea player who was even more shite than Chris Sutton. Anyway, Eddie played a blinder, scoring two late goals that won the game and sent us into a frenzy. Oh, and the manager that day was none other than Les' old mate Ian Porterfield. If that game against Rottenham wasn't enough to seal Eddie's place as a Chelsea Legend, scoring the winning goal in the 1997 Cup Final ensured that he'd always be welcome chez Priesty. And to think that he only lost his place as a regular in the team when Luca Vialli signed that donkey Deschamps - I ask you ! 24th May 2007 What am I on about ? The fact that I took such malicious satisfaction in watching all the shenanigans as thousands of pissed, demented scousers ran the gauntlet against a mob of equally demented riot police in their quest to gain access to the Champions League Final at the Olympic Stadium in Athens, that's what. Oh, and the fact that Liverpoo lost, which was entirely fitting when you look at how they got to the final. If it's wrong to wallow in schadenfreude, I don't want to be right.. Rarely has a match not featuring Chelsea commanded my attention as much as this one - I was cackling away to myself non-stop from the time the drama started to unfold at around 7pm last night. I'm ashamed to admit that TV pictures of thousands of berserk scousers trying to storm into the ground past riot cops intent on twatting them with batons sent waves of sheer pleasure coursing up and down my spine. The scenes after the game were even funnier, as even more than usually incoherent scousers queued up to be interviewed by the media so that they could blame everyone except themselves for what had happened before the game. The sob stories were pathetic, although I did feel mildly sorry for the fans with genuine tickets who were refused entry because their seats were filled by people who'd got in on forgeries, but this soon evaporated - if they'd got to the ground in good time instead of pissing it up right until the last minute they'd have been fine. Fuck off, scousers ! 23rd May 2007 On a more lugubrious note, I am deeply saddened that once-mighty Leeds United have been declared bankrupt and relegated a further division into the bargain. For a club that were only 3 years ago hitting the very heights of success while under the stewardship of one of the world's finest managers, David O'Leary, this must be a real sickener. Still, Leeds fans must look on the bright side: imagine the excitement that will be generated next season, playing local derbies against the likes of Huddersfield and Doncaster ! Needless to say Dr Les has his own take on the shenanigans at Leeds: Tsk tsk, Les. That's a bit harsh - remember that Chelsea Legend Dennis Wise is still their manager. Look, I'm all too aware that one should not mock the afflicted or kick a dog when he's down etc., but nevertheless it has to be said: Fuck off, Leeds ! 22nd May 2007 I get a lot of this sort of sanctimonious drivel and wouldn't normally bother with it, but this effort amused me, mainly because "Mike" actually believed that he could both leave abuse anonymously and that I would allow it on my site ! The very idea ! This fellow was particularly incensed that I usually sign off my ramblings by telling Man U to fuck off. He banged piously on about how I should show respect to them because of past glories and fall on my knees in awe, thus failing completely to grasp the point of having a rival fan site in the first place. Only to be expected from a follower of Man U, the main criteria for which appears to be a complete lack of character and imagination. Duh... Fuck off, Mike ! 21st May 2007 Any road up, readers, it's well known that most of these so-called journalists are merely talentless piss-artists who are so thick they can't even get a gig as a traffic warden, so they have to apply to Rupert Murdoch or the DHSS will cut off their dole money. These cunts aren't fit to wipe the yorkshire terrier shit off Jose's shoes, so we will try to forgive and forget all the hurtful innuendo, and instead celebrate the winning of the FA Cup by the Boys in Blue and the week of utter humiliation suffered by that "great" club Manchester United. What am I on about ? Allow me to elucidate. First, the great Man U get stuffed at home by West Ham in front of their adoring but misguided fans when they're supposed to be celebrating winning the Championship. Not content with this, they turn up at Wembley full of piss and vinegar, crowing about how they're going to rub our noses in it, and that Jose is a cunt for being mean to Ronaldo, and promptly get stuffed again ! Fucking priceless ! Admittedly it was a pretty crappy game for the most part, at least until Frankie and Didier woke up and turned the game on its head, but for me the looks on Giggs and Fergie's faces as they trudged up to get their medal that says LOSER was worth a thousand hours of torture and made it totally worth while. Fuck off, Man U ! There is some bad news to go with the good: the awful Dr Les has been putting pen to paper again and has demanded that I print his ravings. I do so with some trepidation and hope that my lawyers will not be the only ones to profit from it... 15th May 2007 You would think that it could not get more pathetic than that, wouldn't you, readers ? But you would be reckoning without those 74,000 desperate idiots, who in an instant contrived to forget the lack of pride shown by their team only minutes before, and were now brazenly cheering them to the rafters ! Great stuff - even the writers of "The X Files" would have struggled to create a more outlandish script.. Meanwhile Chelsea quietly celebrated equalling the longest-ever run of home matches (63) without defeat. I am now looking forward to more of the same on Saturday, when Chelsea will pick up the FA Cup at Wembley just like they did the last time the game was played there. But this time it will be even more entertaining as it will be the awful Man U who will be on the receiving end of the Chelsea backlash. I still have painful memories of the 4-0 thrashing we received from them back in 1994 and the dreadful abuse Dr Les, my brother Thomarse and myself had to put up with from all those cockney Man U "fans" on the way home. I have not forgotten and my blood is up. Fuck off, Man U ! 7th May 2007 I have heard both fans, and some staff at the club who should know better, going on about how Chelsea were unlucky because they had injuries to key players, no cover at the back, referees costing us points becasue of bad decisions, etc., but this doesn't wash here at Priesty's. Let's not resort to making pathetic excuses a la Liverpool, Arsenal & co. We were beaten to it by another team who were better than us over the course of the season. That's the only reason we're now runners up rather than Champions. So let's take it like men. Unless of course you're one of my many female readers, in which case you must take it like, er, a woman. Well done to Man U and all that but I thank God I support a club because they were my local team when I was a kid, rather than one who people follow because they're always winning stuff. I really hope the thousands of bandwagon fans who've been buying Chelsea shirts purely because we've been Champions for two seasons will now stop pretending that they support Chelsea and go back to Man U where I'm sure they'll be welcome - a lack of character doesn't seem to matter there. So let's not have any crying and whining and making excuses, let's just admit that we lost out to a better team. So what ? We were shite for 30 years and it didn't stop us. Are we supposed to give up now ? Are we bollocks. I'm delighted that we'll have another chance to rub Man U's noses in it next season but if we don't succeed I couldn't care less, even if we get relegated instead. I will still be there, proud to be a Chelsea fan. Remember, we are Chelsea and we kill anyone who looks at us funny. Fuck off, Man U ! 2nd May 2007 I had a phone call from a chastened Dr Les this morning. He had consumed many pints of wife-beater while watching Chelsea walk all over Liverpool and went to bed at his hotel in a befuddled state, as is normal for him. Unfortunately he had to get up in the night for a piss and chose the wrong door, ending up stark bollock naked in the corridor with the room door slamming behind him. He was forced to creep down to beg the receptionist to let him back in to his room with only a small, white plastic bin-bag to cover his modesty. Not content with this he even had the effrontery to pick a fight with a fellow guest who he accused of looking at his privates. I ask you... 1st May 2007 Still, at least I am only hoping for the impossible - the idiot Dr Les phoned me last night to proudly inform me that he has put his shirt on it at the bookies ! More worryingly, he was phoning from London - somehow he has slipped back in to the country, evading the immigration authorities. This is cause for concern, but even more worryingly the fool was on his way down to Armoury Way in Wandsworth, a notorious No Man's Land, "to source a little baggie of the finest skunk weed from one of those colourful street vendors". I asked him if he was not a little worried about the reception that may be awaiting him - his cryptic reply was "It's not who you know, Priesty, it's what they're carrying and how much they're selling it for". I ask you.. 19th April 2007 There's a genuine team spirit and a hunger to win that shines through all the other crap - let's hope it's not just the brief flare of the moth that's caught in a naked flame. I do not hold out much hope, frankly, especially when you read the crazy rumours that Roman wants to sack Jose in the Summer. If it's true then clearly sanity has left the building and we're doomed. No doubt medical misfit Dr Les will have an asinine opinion - where are you, Doc ?
© 1996-2007
Priesty's Chelsea FC Refuge.
Not In His Wright Mind ?
There's a ghastly rumour going round that Shaun Wright-Phillips is about to sign for West Ham, but the wise among us will have not been fooled by this - after all, as demonstrated by Darren Bent just the other day, no-one in their right mind would want to play for a club managed by Alan Curbishley.. would they ?
Red Top Red-Faced Shocker
Hah ! The odious Daily Mirror has had to publicly apologise for telling porkies about Chelsea. Some useless tosser of a hack wrote a story claiming that Chelsea had been named and shamed in the Stevens report for breaching transfer regulations, and astonishingly the Mirror published it without the appearance of having first checked the facts.
Klaus Teeters On The Brink
Regular visitors will be used to Klaus' "stream-of-unconsciousness" style of writing, which requires heavy editing and much scratching of the head as I try to decipher what the fuck he's on about.
Once translated, though, one can usually unearth more than a glimmer of common sense in his ramblings, but I admit to having had more trouble than usual with his latest effort.
Jose Shoots Scousers From The Lip
Cranky old Jose seems to detest Liverpool as much as us fans. He's had a pop at them in the Chelsea club magazine about the pathetic and inaccurate chants directed at Chelsea by Liverpoo's delusional supporters. He told the mag:
"Liverpool fans can continue to chant 'No history' at us but we continue to make it. They have their history; we have our history. They are a club with a history in Europe that Chelsea don't have and their history is magnificent, but they haven't won a championship in 17 years and we have won two in the last three years."
Dr Les "Crazy As A Coot" Shocker
It looks like Les has been drinking the bong water again - I have received a letter from him, the contents of which can only be described as the ramblings of a drooling lunatic. I beg you not to read it, as this will only encourage him to further excess, and I am in enough trouble with fancy lawyers already..
Priesty's Site "Most Popular On The Web" Shocker
Visitors to this site appear to fall into two main categories; A) an ever-increasing band of loyal readers who are clearly of above average intelligence; B) A baying mob of cretins, halfwits and mongoloids who follow teams like ManUre, Arse and Liverpoo but are inexorably drawn to this, a Chelsea site.
ManUre Fans "Thickest in Europe" Shocker
I've been chortling away this morning as I delete all the grammatically challenged, predictable, tedious guestbook entries from Man U bandwagoneers. It amuses me that these people are annoyed enough by what they see here to want to waste their time composing rants that will never be seen by anyone else, but at the same time it's depressing that so many people who claim to be Man Ure fans have no spark of wit or imagination. I suppose it goes with the territory - supporting Man U doesn't require either of those qualities. Or any qualities, for that matter.
Liverpool Fans "Worst In Europe" Shocker
Liverpool fans have been branded "the worst in Europe" by our old friends at UEFA, who are above reproach as an organisation, running European football in anything but an autocratic, corrupt, inept and inefficient way.
Klaus In Flawed Poll Shocker
In the wake of the retirement of the Premiership referee and shameless self-publicist Graham "Evil" Poll, my Europe Correspondent has been ruminating as to why it may be that some Premiership referees act like they have been recently released from a lunatic asylum when it comes to making common sense decisions. You can be assured that only an expert on the subject could have come up with a theory quite as off the hook as this.
Mental, Mental, Chicken Oriental
Had a brief chat with Dr Les today. It appears that he has been referring heavily to the old persian rugs again. Perhaps somewhat foolishly I asked whether he would care to comment on any of the recent events surrounding Chelsea Football Club. The reply was:
"They should get rid of that cunt Jose. Losing to Tottenham is just not on. Sack the board. Bring back Porterfield !"
You Find A Dead Cat..
Dear oh dear, the humanity. I realise there must be something fundamentally wrong with me, but I take solace in the fact that there are also a lot of others with similar problems, if you judge by the number of people who visit this site.
East Stand Correspondent Returns From The Wilderness
All sorts of ne'er-do-wells seem to be crawling out of the woodwork lately. One such is Klaus, who some readers will remember used to represent Germany in the East Stand on matchdays and is now back in the Fatherland, following an unfortunate misunderstanding with UK immigration staff. A drunk of epic proportions, he periodically contributes to the general insanity of this site, and very welcome he is too. Here's his updated latest rant.
"When I heard that Sir Ken had bought Dirty Leeds I, like many others, thought he was an amoral sociopath who had disgraced the very name of Chelsea. But Ken, if you�re reading this I want to apologise because I didn�t see your cunning strategy of taking them into the 3rd division, financial ruin and a steady march into the Vauxhall Conference. I say well done Sir Ken, we�re not worthy."
Old Trafford Or Cloud Cuckoo Land ?
I'm still shaking my head in disbelief at just how stupid some people can be. Yesterday an idiot who identified himself only as "Mike" wasted a good half hour of his time trying to leave an abusive rant in my guestbook - you know the sort of thing, you hear it every day from cretins who've never been to Old Trafford but delude themselves that they're Man U fans: Man U are the greatest club the world has ever seen; I should respect them because of their past record; Chelsea upstarts, etc etc.
Chelsea FC. FA Cup Winnners, 2007
A lot of dirty water has flowed under the bridge since last week, courtesy of the pillars of wisdom of the gutter press and TV. Stories belittling Jose just because he likes small dogs and tends to be on the stroppy side, etc. You do not hear them vilifying Fergie because he has no sense of humour, or mentioning his own little run-in with the law when he skilfully dodged a driving ban by saying that he was desperate for a dump when caught speeding up the hard shoulder on the motorway, do you ? No, you do not. Am I unreasonable to suggest that xenophobia is rearing its ugly head here ?
End Of Season Blues ?
Good day, loyal readers - I trust you had as good a weekend as I did. What am I on about ? I am on, of course, about the non-stop laughfest that was Manchester United versus West Ham United at Old Trafford on Sunday. You know, the one where the new Premiership champions were soundly defeated at home, playing with a full-strength side, by a team who were looking at relegation ! Far better than that, though, was the fact that the Man U team then had the NERVE to pick up their medals and celebrate as if they had not let down the 74,000 idiots who turned up thinking they were going to watch their proud team stuff lowly West Ham !
Champions No More
It's been a fantastic couple of years but finally it's over. Chelsea fans will be waking up this morning no longer able to look down on the rest of the Premiership as Champions; the mantle has passed over to Man U, who have looked good value this season.
You Look In The Dustbin
A stunning moral victory over Liverpool at Anfield last night surely vindicates Chelsea as the best team in the country. In spite of the dubious backing of 50,000 northern monkeys singing in a foreign language and waving their stupid flags, Liverpool just couldn't beat our boys, instead having to indulge in the lottery of penalties in order to win the game. Pathetic. We are Chelsea and we are the best. Fuck off, Liverpool! And lemon-features Rafa can fuck off and all !
Lock Up Your Car
I'm looking forward with relish to tonight's Champions League semi-final, second leg versus Liverpoo at Anfield. Call me a hopeless optimist but I still think Chelsea are in with a chance of the quadruple, in spite of the poor result against Bolton on Saturday and Man U's pathetic display against Everton - clearly they only won because of deliberate errors by former Man U staff.
Here Come The Champions
I've had it with twats who claim they're lifelong supporters of Man U getting on my case about how this is "their" season. In spite of the fact that football has been ruined as a spectator sport in this country by a combination of the idiots who own the clubs and the self-serving, empire-building halfwits at the FA, the Premier League, UEFA and FIFA, there is still some comfort to be had from the way the Chelsea manager and his players have in general avoided being eaten away by it all.
