A Dedication to Jeremy Brett

If one has read my A Confession: Why Jeremy Brett, one might understand the influence Jeremy has had upon me (and forward). How he saved my sanity and very possibly my life. I created this "dedication" as an obvious tribute to him and his memory. This the closest thing, I think, to personal "thank you" for everything he has done.

In the past to commemorate his life, I have since -- his death in 1995 -- annually create a piece of art in his memory, usually between the dates of 12 of September and 03 of November (the dates of his death and his birth). It was a personal fancy of mine, perhaps a bit too personally for others round me to understand.

My audience of lookers would lurk over my shoulder when was mesmerized in my artwork. "Who's that?" they asked, time after time. There was always a pause of silence in me, a bit of fear; past emotions of dread and mourn always return when such a question is asked to me. "His name is Jeremy Brett." To persons who do not know him, my answers were usually very terse. "Who's Jeremy Brett?" Another pause. "A recently descended British actor." "Never heard of him." "Not many Americans do." "What's he done?" I shrug nervously, "A good number of things: Sherlock Holmes. My Fair Lady." "Have you ever met him?" Long silence. "No..."

I confess, whenever that question arises, I am almost at tears. Perhaps it seems rather foolish to some, but one of the regrets of my life is that I never thanked Jeremy for saving me, plus the past is something I have repressed a great deal. The past has past; it is over and done, and I do not wish to recollect it again. His death was not a particularly a pleasant time for me, as to others as well to whom he touched. Art is a way I could express my thanks -- in a very personal and somewhat indirect way, but thanks nonetheless. However that did not satisfy me for very long...

The year of 1998 was the year I finally had personal excess to the Internet, and Brettiana flourished! I contacted wonderful Brettians all around the world -- it's incredible! I decided at about March of '98 that I would spent my summer creating a "dedication" to the man and hopefully excessible on 12 September. The reasons why were rather simple: (1) A create the ultimate "thank you" for him. (2) To carry and continue his memory to the next generations. (3) To bring something fresh to Brettians. Minor planning, study, and research started and continued until late May.

Everything intensified in June! In the weekends, I spent eight or hours at the libraries in research until I collected everything Brettish that I could. During each weekday, I spent over 12 hours working with HTML codes, PaintShopPro, and other trifling details. Usually my computer hours were from 2pm to 2am.

If one knows me particularly well, I am what one may call a "workaholic perfectionist." In fact, I am a severe "workaholic," much like Holmes. When I work, I am utterly consumed into it! I very rarely eat, or sleep, or even bathe -- I neglected all personal concern and nourishment. My several correspondences grew rather concern to my late (or early) wires. Their concern is touching; their advice I took under consideration and did perform a few for a day, then return to my usual working hours.

Physically, I was haggard and exhausted! I tumbled and tripped all over my feet, plus I was absolutely flithy! I do not believe I showered for two months! Emotionally, well, it is a roller-coaster for my family and friends to tolerate my actions. Let us keep it as that! Mentally, I had a one-track mind and was frightfully unstable. Of course, it was not the first time I ever suffered from hallucinations; it had happen several times before, so I -- rather foolishly -- ignored them. As a result of this neglected of personal welfare, I suffered a "minor" collapse in July.

I utterly despised that recovery week in bed. I wanted to finish my work, I felt my health was delaying everything I worked so hard upon! However, I was rather paralyzed from the neck down; I could do nothing until 2 days later. My working-hours were cut severely to three and grew longer as my health bettered. Another week later, summer was over -- the "dedication" endured a great delay. The "dedication" had over eighty megs of memory!

By mid-August, I began planning the "Dedication" to be located on FlashNet URL, however I was unaware that establishing such an address one was beyond my own pocket. I then considered a Geocities URL, but I was extremely uncomfortable in using it. I found Geocities small, unprofessional, and unattractive (especially due to those annoying advertisements). Being a perfectionist, I found the ads a complete burden! It would not distract from mood; the overall mood is a necessary for the "dedication". I started to think, "If I could have it displayed the way I wanted, why display it all?"

Later I went through inquires for much-needed advice over for a URL locations with my most trusted correspondences and at A&E Mysteries.com Messageboard (in which I affectionately refer to as "The Agony Column"). The outcry of responses was immense! During this period, I came to realise how many Brettians found the "dedication" remarkably important and they haven't seen it yet. I underestimated how much people loved Jeremy, that love is immense and that is very touching...! Everyone's advice was golden! I thank everyone who responded to it and you know who you are!

I clenched my teeth I decide what advice to follow, and continued with a Geocities address (and tolerate the ads), gradually upgrading, and considering non-profit organization. I confess I still am uncomfortable with the organization idea. I felt I was begging and I dislike accepting charity and seriously didn't believe it would work. However, it's slowly getting about, plus it's unofficial so nothing large will be done until permission is granted. In fact, the title, B.I.N.K.S. (Brettian Institute Necessitating in Knowledge and Services), was a suggestion by a fellow Brettian -- named after Jeremy's beloved dog. Though she originally meant to be a "cute joke," I took it rather seriously and in great delight! The name stuck!

The matter of B.I.N.K.S. is still in the works. It originally was to assist the "dedication" to keep its location on the Net, yet no more. Presently it is working upon assisting charities and other organizations who need it the most. The foundations Jeremy, himself, may have or did supported, such as the Manic Depression Fellowship or the Imperial Cancer Research. Perhaps later it may turn into a JB society, who knows?

Then a problem hit again, this time concerning my Internet browser, it would not work. I literally could not work on anything that allowed a connection. Due to the crap of time, I was forced to download everything needed on disk and use library computers to start the "dedication". By 12 September 1998, on the Third Anniversary of Jeremy Brett's death, the "dedication" was publicly announced and established. Strangely my browser difficulties ceased on that very morning. So perhaps Jeremy just smiled at everyone that day? Either way, everything came on schedule!

Now on 01 January 1999, the "dedication" has moved to a larger non-advertised space! It is better than ever, I think, to start the new year. This is due to funding from a fellow Brettian, the same Brettian whom suggested the title B.I.N.K.S. A great deal of thanks is deserved upon her! The greatest thanks yous to everyone!