"Notes from our Mission Team, in Thailand since 1991."
"Notes from our Mission Team, in Thailand since 1991."
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SUMMER IN THE SON 2002
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One More Swadekaa!
Rachel Greer's Testimony: 2001 Intern
I feel like I have to say just one more thing before this Thailand adventure is really over. Tonight I am putting my belongings in my car, preparing to return to Ozark and a new semester tomorrow so I guess this wonderful season really has come to its conclusion.
For all of you who have been on mission trips you know that the return can be as jarring as the departure. When I returned from China two years ago I felt so strange, displaced and floating aimlessly. I remember vividly laying on the floor of my dorm room crying,'What am I doing here?' I felt guilty and depressed thinking of my lost students in China and feeling that my purpose had gone from being needed everyday as a teacher, friend, and bringer of the Gospel to only being needed to attend class, answer when my name was called, and try to get papers in on time. I felt almost panicked when people asked, 'How was your trip?' because I knew I could not adequately answer about the whole six weeks and what it had done to my heart... I really did not even understand myself.
And now I have returned from what was much more than a trip -- from a 6 month season of my life. This return has been so different. I have tried to think of why. Mostly I know, it is just because of His graceful answering of so many prayers. When I wanted to lie awake in Thailand worrying about going home, I made myself instead give up my fear to God. (I sang that new Waterdeep song a lot: 'All of my fears and trials, Lord, all of my doubts all of my shouts... Rest in You.') My mom and Shannon and Meredith and Anna, all specifically told me that they were praying about my return. And you know what? He loves to answer our prayers! I cried as I held dear Thai friends and said goodbye, I cried as I said goodbye to all the missionaries and their precious children who had captured my heart, I cried as I boarded the plane and I cried again when I got off in Amarillo. But even on the plane, even as I turned my head to hide my tears and watch the beautiful clouds out the window, I could feel God giving me peace. I knew that although I did not want to leave, the time was right and I am exactly where God wants me.
Some goodbyes were harder than others. I never cried harder than my last Sunday, when I held Mama Ying, Aek's mother and my adopted Thai mom, as she cried on my shoulder and said she did not want me to go. Our eyes were all shining with tears as I said goodbye to that whole precious family, but we smiled through them as Pa Sak laid a hand on my shoulder and blessed me,' Bay shook my hand and said, 'See you later,' and Aek just looked at me for a long time before saying, 'You will be back, I believe it.'
My heart never ached more than when I was saying my goodbyes to Am and Oat, the two girls I had been studying the Bible with, but who did not want to become Christians yet. My heart felt it might break knowing that these goodbyes held no PROMISE of 'I will see you again.' I love the hope that Heaven brings... if Jesus comes back before I get back to Thailand, I know I will see my precious Christian friends again. How I long for that same hope eternal to be in the hearts of Am and Oat and the 99% Buddhist population of Thailand.
Since I have been home the peace has remained even through the emotions of each day. Some days my heart aches with missing Thailand and my family of friends there. Some days have gone by in such a rush of business that I will forget to think or pray about them at all. Those days hurt even more than the missing days... on those days I feel so far away. I pray, pray that I would not ever lose the ache for the people of Thailand because I have let myself become too busy to hurt for them and care for them and pray for them. I know that the prayers will continue to keep my heart knit to theirs.
Dr. S. M. Zwemer, a Christian scholar on Islam, said: "The history of missions
is the history of answered prayer...it is the key to the whole missionary
problem. All human means are secondary." God has not called everyone to
go to the battle, but He has called everyone to pray.
In my months in Bangkok, God wrote on my heart that He is my Everything. He taught me as I have never understood before that I find in Him my Home, my identity, my place of unconditional belonging. He is my unchanging Love and He is my best friend. When I have been tempted to dread returning to the daily grind of school He has spoken to my heart: 'I am the same God in Joplin that I am in Bangkok. I am still your Everything even there. Rest in Me.'
I woke up each day in Thailand full of joyous anticipation: 'You can have my whole life God, how will you use me today? Show me who to love, who to serve, teach me today!' It was exhilarating to live with such abandon... and I believe that God is the same in Joplin as He was in Bangkok and He is teaching me that it is my decision to live my life with such trust and excitement. I know this is something my close friends and family will have to hold me accountable for. In a missions experience you are so out of your comfort zone that you have to toss it all into Godıs Hands and beg Him to work through you. Too often back in America, back at school, I get comfortable and really forget that I need Him for every moment, every day... that I want most of all (To quote one of my favorite missionaries): 'I don?t want to be more like Jesus, I want Jesus to be Himself living in me.'
So, forgive perhaps, this confusing journey into my thoughts and my feelings... I just wanted to share a little tidbit of what God is even yet working in my heart and mind and life. This incredible season of learning and hurting and unspeakable joy has been made even sweeter by having so many precious friends to share it with. So many of you have continued to bless me by sharing since I have been back how you read my little updates and then prayed for my Thailand friends. Thank you for your love and support, and thank you, thank you, thank you most of all for your prayers!
Hi Prajow oi pon mak ka! May God bless you so much!
Love, Rachel
We thank God for you and your faithful prayers for our family and our team.
'Arise, shine , for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the Lord rises upon you and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light and kings to the brightness of your dawn.'
Isaiah 60:1-3
