Research has shown repeatedly that people who are socially and emotionally isolated fare more poorly in survival statistics than those who are connected to solid familial and social networks. "Increasing scientific evidence is demonstrating that isolation and suppression of feelings leads to illness, whereas intimacy and social support can be healing," says Dr Ornish, and gives details of many studies.

Interestingly, some of these studies show that sharing one's feelings is good for the immune system. Even such a simple thing as writing about a traumatic event showed beneficial immune changes in students, compared to a control group writing about trivial events. Another study found that patients who scored above average in loneliness had significantly poorer immune functioning.

All of us probably have a similar experience: it is difficult to talk with people around us, our family and friends, about the cancer and the feelings it engenders. Occasionally it happens, but most of the time we keep our fears, anxieties and disturbing thoughts to ourselves. We can only open up with others in the same boat -- people who have faced the horror and keep on living and finding ways to cope.

There are several ways to connect with others so that we can mutually ease the burden. There are many cancer support groups, run by the various hospitals, and cancer support communities like Wellness Community or Gilda's Club. The disadvantage, in my experience, is that most people in such support groups are not people who have lymphoma, they are typically in treatment (being a watch and wait person can be alienating), or they are in the end stage. I was once in a weekly support group in the Wellness Community in Philly -- a good resource place! -- and during the 2 months I was a member, 2 members died, and one was not too far off. Needless to say, this was very depressing for me. I stopped going. Some cancer communities run monthly lymphoma info groups, and those are good, but do not provide the regular contact with the same people one can befriend. In some lucky communities, there are more frequent lymphoma support groups, usually sponsored by either the LRFA, CFL or the Leukemia Society.

In retrospect, I feel that cancer support centers ought to organize groups specifically for patients who live with cancer as a chronic disease. People like that have an experience and needs that are essentially different from those who undergo treatment and then live in hope for a cure. Unless there is a relapse, they in fact live as though the cancer is gone. This is not at present possible for many of us with NHL.

Another way to get support is to connect with others by phone, or mail, or online. In "educating ourselves" I provide contact with correspondence (and online) groups. Getting to be a cell-mate for the LRFA or offering to volunteer for Chemo Care via the CFL is another way to connect with others. Joining an online list or a cancer forum provides a convenient way to connect with others in the same situation at any time, at an hour convenient to you. This tool provides an unprecedented ease of connection and sharing for us. Perhaps we can in time organize smaller lists that can function as self-disclosing, intimate support groups for those who want to participate. If you would be willing to run such a group, please write me.

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Written by Vera Bradova © 1998
Updated 9-12-1998