"Obese or not Obese, that is the problem"
...... or
"Nightmare
on Elbow Street"
Day 1
It is
September 14th and it is with absolute delight that I add this airline (or at
least this flight and its cabin crew) to my personal ¨black-list¨!
Did you know
that you can´t say blacklist in England, the home of political correctness gone
mad? This is in case you offend some minority which doesn´t include coal miners
who, as far as I recall, were black in every picture I ever saw of them. No, you
must say ¨blocklist¨ instead, so now I have another reason for not wanting to
live in my motherland. And of curse the word blacklist will remain in my
vocabulary!
But I digress….
I don´t recall
being so clearly discriminated against in my entire life. This flight attendant
(to whose excessive income I am contributing) has ignored me, sneered at me,
forgotten my request for coffee and generally treated me like $%%& whilst
smiling happily and attentively to her countrymen and women, with whom she
shares an enormous waist line.
Maybe that´s
the problem (or at least part of it), she is fat and I am not.
I am in seat
9A. The people in 9B and C are also fat and, at this precise moment, they are
asleep. This means that they are gradually and unconsciously spreading their
enormous selves out until I am being squeezed against the window.
I consoled
myself with a nap, that is until another even fatter person insisted on standing
in the aisle next to row 8, yelling at the top of her voice, totally ignorant of
the fact that not everyone on the plane wanted to hear her babbling, least of
all a sleeping Englishman of medium build.
I went to the
bathroom after reluctantly (honest!) waking up Mr & Mrs Michelin. Of course I
had to wait so I handed my empty coffee cup to Miss Manners and, true to form,
she snatched it out of my hand. How does the saying go…. ¨hate the trolley-dolly,
love the consistency¨? Probably not, but I like it anyway!
On the way out
of the toilet, I almost tripped and fell over one of the trolley dolly´s
handbags and the female pilot (sense the trend?) made an announcement in the
Michelin´s native tongue and didn´t translate it into English, which is illegal
and totally against IATA regulations but, more importantly…..
aaaaaagggghhhhh… there´s a woman driving this thing!
I need my own
jet….. please contribute generously!
I joined this
¨herd¨ (and I use the word advisedly) for the sole purpose of travelling to one
of my favourite cities and to be with some of my favourite friends and
co-workers. Going through this is worth it, but only just.
After arriving
in Oslo, I took the train into Oslo city centre and a short cab ride to my
hotel. This whole process is so painless and efficient…. A real pleasure at the
end of a challenging flight.
I really like
Norway and I really like most Norwegian people. I like being in Oslo and I love
watching people here. They seem so healthy and vital, moving quite quickly and
appearing full of positive energy.
Most of the
ladies carry shopping bags and most people will tell you that the Government has
done a good job managing the minor effects of the global recession.
My only
complaint is that everything is very expensive, but don´t let that stop you from
coming to this beautiful country and this beautiful city. Just come prepared!
I happily
joined Finn on his Tuesday night radio show called ¨The Herravdelingen¨ and even
more happily went back to my hotel to rest.
Tomorrow
night we have a show and I need to catch up on some lost sleep.
