You've Been a Dispatcher Too Long If ...

The liners below were taken from an email message I recently received.
The From and To lines were left in; however, I am unable to credit it.

From; JOE WATERS
To: <911Talk@911 Centra 1. com>
Date: 4/30/0013:33:00

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN A DISPATCHER TOO LONG..

1. You spend more on fast food than on utilities.

2. You answer your home telephone "Dispatch."

3. The only thing that gets your adrenaline going is the walk to and from your car.

4. You find humor in other people's misery.

5. You're only happy if you have somthing to complaint about.

6. Your idea of a good night involves someone getting shot, chased or dismembered.

7. You consider patience a weakness, not a virtue.

6. You have forgotten what its like to actually eat a warm meal.

9. Your dog doesnt recognize you, and the kids think you're just the person who drops in every now and then to bring groceries and do the laundry.

10. You truly believe that stupidity should be painful.

11. You have ever had to put the phone on hold so that you could laugh hysterically.

12. If an officer screamed over the radio that a nuclear bomb had just detonated, you'd just ask the "20" of the mushroom cloud and assign it a case number.

13. Dinner consists of a 2 liter bottle of soda and whatever you can scrounge out of the vending machine.

14. You see nothing wrong with discussing abdominal evisce ration overdinner in a public restaurant ...and then wonder why all the tables around you have cleared out.

15. You hear a fire engine or police car go screaming past your house and you wonder not what'a happening, but who is going.

16. You read the newspaper accounts of a major incident that occurred during your shift, and can point out all of the incorrect infonration ...and then laugh about it.

17. Family memebers comment about how "nice" you used to be before you started this job.

18. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac and/or birth control over certain parts of your city.

19. You have no idea what a holidy is, other than its the day when everyone gets drunk and beats up their family members.

20. You can carry on more than 4 conversations simultaneously.

21. You have the bladder capacity of a tanker truck.

22. You can resume a conversation with co-workers 4 hours later, in mid sentence, and everyone knows what you are talking about.

23. You have a long term telephonic relationship with one or more paranoid, schizoptirenic PTSD suffering relatives of a public official.

24. You have ever had to explain to a college educated, gainfully employed, tax paying property owner that: His/her child's lack of interest in vegetables was not a police matter.

25. You inform your new teenage driver, "I will ALWAYS know."

26. You have ever muttered the phrase: "They let him/her carry a GUN?"



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