Just a little "alcohumor"
The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol
bottles, such as:
13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing
like a *#%@&"+*%!!!
11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings
like thish.
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the
morning.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what
the hell happened to your pants.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in
the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that
you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Chuck.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-spacecontinuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to disappear.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy !
One thing I gotta think about is...
I identify with a lot of these,
and I didn't drink !
What does that tell ya?
Can you see yourself in there too?
If not these, what other craziness
was the result of your disease ? LOL
There was a Priest, a Rabi, and an Al-Anon in Hell,
and the Rabi asked the Priest,
"what are you doing in hell?"
The Priest said, "Well, you know that vow I took,
I just couldn't steer clear of a couple girls, what are you doing here?"
The Rabi answered, "I had the same kind of problem except it was pork."
They both looked at the Al-Anon and asked her why she was in hell,
she looked at them very funny and said,
"Hell, what hell, it's not hot and I'm not here."
A joke told by an Al-Anon speaker :
This Al-Anon was in the program a bit
when her sponsor told her it was high time
she sarted taking care of herself and that meant
going to the doctor and getting a long over due check-up.
She went and when she came home there he was,
sitting there in his favorite chair, a beer in one hand
the remote in the other.
(keeping in mind she was very well endowed...)
She pranced in front of the tv and said,
"The docotor said, I have the breasts of a 20 year old"
Her husband said,"Yeah, but did he mention
your 50 year old ass?"
She looked at him and said,
"Frankly, he didn't mention your name !"
Heard at a meeting :
"I'm not sure I want him, "If my brain didn't need me for transportation
"My sponsor says I'm trying, very trying !"
"It takes time to get your brains outta hock !"
"My ex-wife holds me responsible for most of our marital problems. "If you are not aware of my character defects, they don't count !"
"I always wanted to be somebody, Lead us not into temptation, A treatment center is where you go and pay $15,000 "I am unique, just like everybody else."
"I don't always know what God's will is for me, "I was the most even tempered guy in the world ~ "I love you, God loves you, As told to an Al-Anon A good friend of mine said at a meeting :
but I sure as hell ain't giving him to you !"
it would have killed me a long time ago !"
Proves how much she knows, I was never home!"
but I should have been more specific !"
I can find it myself !"
to find out that A.A. is free."
but I always know what it's not"
I was mad all the time !"
and there's not a damn thing you can do about it !"
after a speaker said it is the first drink that'll kill you :
Honey, put it this way, if you get run over by a train,
it isn't the caboose that did it !"
"That worked so well, I think I'll forget it !"
Don't you just love the Alcohumor animated banner ? She's the greatest!
My wonderful sister, onetenderheart
made it just for me!
New Photo Page !
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Thank you !
© 1997 penrose4@midwest.net
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