More Quotes Than That!

"You're like, a vacuum missionary!"
-Becky's Dad
"That is so funny it's not funny."
-Dave
"It's like a poem!
Richard Pryor
Set on fire
Free-Basing cocaine."
"When along came a spider
and sat down beside her?"
"And then it started to rain!"
-Michelle, Mar, Michelle
"I think Halle Berry should play him."
(later)
"Wait, not Halle Berry, who's that kid in 'The Sixth Sense?'"
-Dave, Re: The kid in "The Shining" miniseries
"You're the dog now, man."
-Dave, a la Sean Connery in "Finding Forrester"
"A. Turkey. Says. What?"
"What?"
"What?"
-Dave, Craig, Rayme
"It looks like a council of elders."
"A Council of ElDor?"
(chanting) "Waffle Fries! Waffle Fries!"
(later)
"The Council of ElDor recognizes Ken."
"Ohhhh, Look! It's Ken!"
-Mar (about our congregation of superlong spoons)
Michelle, alluding to the ElDorado Diner
Everyone, Mar (to Ken raising his hand), Michelle
"You know what we're playing? Ice hockey!"
Mar, Re: hitting an ice cube across a Friendly's table with oversized spoons
"You just kicked my leg."
"Yeah I did."
"Did you just say, 'Yeah I did?'"
"Yeah he did."
"You're all inherently evil."
"Yeah we are."
-Mar, Dave, Rayme, Mar, Rayme, Michelle
"Without a loss of generality we can assume it's one-ply."
-Dave, regarding the toilet paper they were using to fold more than 7 times
"Why is pot illegal?"
"Tobacco farmers!"
"The paper industry!"
"The Mexicans!"
[Chaos ensues arguing about the combinations of factors]
"Soylent Rolling Papers are made from Mexicans!"

[Scene: There is a huge line of people waiting for a They Might Be Giants concert to start. They all casually watch this really hot, really low-to-the-ground car try to negotiate its way over a speed bump. It scrapes its entire bottom on the speed bump. Everyone, in their own little group, goes "Awww."]
"Ok, everyone. All together. And-a-one, and-a-two..
[to the tune of "It Had to be You]
It sucks to be you."
-Some guy at WPI
"Sometimes I'm frightened by the largeness of her face."
-Val
"It goes to show that if you yell at people you get what you want."
-Corinne
"I really want gum but I don't want to chew."
[Pause]
"A-ha! A Lifesaver!"
-Corinne
"He was anti-like that."
-Becky
"The average length of coitus is four minutes for Americans? That's the worst thing I ever read."
"So you could pour the boiling water in your instant soup, go have sex, and when it's over your soup will be done."
"And the soup will probably be the best part of the experience."
-Becky, Ethan, ?
"I also have a lot of hair and bobby pins."
"No, you just have a huge cranium!"
-Jen, Spencer, Re: Craniometry
"That would be scary to have your head squished by a huge midget hand. You know, he's a giant but his hands are midget-style."
-Josh
"You need to see a map."
"I've seen a map and it didn't have that on it."
"That's because women can't follow directions."
-Spencer, Becky, Ethan Re: Vaginal Maps
"What does Freud know about a vagina?"
-Spencer
"Women have no business ejaculating!"
-Spencer
"I'm gonna go spread this song to my French class."
"Yeah, 'spread.' Like a virus."
"No, like penut butter. Or joy!"
-Jen, Mar, Jen, Re: "I want you to want me"
"It's never the right people who argue for nudity."
-Mar Re: The Naked Englishmen
"She really likes Ariel Sharon."
"Don't use last names in public!"
-Jesse, Michelle (making fun of me)
"You guys are the most table smackingest, car roof kissingest, 'Rabbit Rabbit' sayingest bunch I've ever met."
-Jen Re: our superstitions
"See, amnesia! Hilarity always ensues!"
-Becky
"I'm not bluffing I'm just spastic!"
-Nick Re: Egyptian Ratscrew. Wow, that's three in a row for Nick.
"I found out the other day that I can't control the weather when I'm hungry."
-Nick
"...Only the guns didn't shoot bullets, they shot scrunchies."
-Nick's dream where he stole the empty tissue boxes from the homeless
"You got a Canuck Fuck?!"
-Jen
Conceptual Quote: Eggs over easy, medium, difficult, journey, puzzle, evil, and child.
-Mar, Michelle, Craig, Mike, Anne
"What's gonna happen when we run the country?"
"I'm not going to!"
"I'm gonna break something."
-Mar, Craig, Mike
Taboo word: Blind
"If you could skullfuck someone in both eyes then they are..."
"Blind?"
-Mike, Corinne
"I love these back-up singers."
"You mean The Pips?"
(later)
"I could be a Pip."
-Mar, Michelle, Michelle
"I meant to wink but I raised the roof instead!"
-Becky
"You can take that cigarette to the bathroom with you."
"I'm not that coordinated."
-Zeke, Mar
"Goddamn, why is not, wait, that's what it is, right? Isn't, is not? But no one says, 'Why is not.'"
-Becky
"Ahhhh, soleil, soleil. I'm even annoying myself with that song!!"
-Becky
"Canada makes me want to drink responsibly."
-Michelle, immediately before knocking over her bottle
"And she said to me, 'I can hear you complaining about me outside my door!' and I said 'Oh, so you want me to take it down the hall?"
-Ashwini
"I tried to get my dad to come here, too, or Florida."
"Yeah, your dad would have made this vacation."
"Can you picture a 65-year-old man on spring break?"
"Dad is good times."
"Good times."
-Overheard at money exchange
"If our craziness were colors, I'd be tourquoise and you'd be flourescent pink."
-Ashwini
"Beware of Satan next four miles."
-Becky, RE: The sign where "high winds" were personified as big, scary faces
"Paradox, NY. It's like you can go there, but you can't go there."
Addendum
"Ticonderoga, WOO!! Whenever I spell check my name that's what it suggests."
"Do you feel complete now that you've been here?"
"I do, and I don't. It's a paradox."
-Becky, Becky, Mar, Becky
"Schroon lake? So Depp."
-Michelle
"Is he the skinny one?"
"Yeah, the pretty one."
"The anorexic one!"
"All of the above!"
-Becky, Mar, Michelle, Becky RE: The guy from Silverchair
"It was some Indian culture club."
"Kama kama kama kama kama kama sutra."
-Amanda, Becky
"1, 2, penises kneel before you..."
-Ethan
"And it'd be the end of the movie showing us all being friends and singing 'Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now."
"It'd be better if we were superheroes!"
-Jen, Becky
"I've decided after being here for so long I can't go back into the real world without laughing."
Next sentence:
"Like, last weekend, after the show, I went to The Bloody Ice Cream Scoop..."
-Ethan
"I want...my life back."
-Michelle, winning the melodrama award for the night
"Don't write midwifery on that wall!!"
-Becky
"There was something about that that was eerily similar to a bar mitzvah."
-Ethan, about the stripper
"It makes your pee taste funny!"
-Becky, drunk, about asparagus
"Why do we need cheese in an operation?!?"
-Becky
"What about business casual sex?"
-Ethan
"I had to say something. I think it had to do with Dick Cheney?"
"Waiter?"
"No, Doug Bennet."
-Spencer, Mar, Spencer
"This is W-VAG operating from Ragina--wait--they didn't say that but it would have been funny."
-Becky
"Daryl Strawberry explains why he fell off the wagon...
...and went back to smoking crack."
-TV News
"My eyes feel blue."
-Rayme
"I'm really not racist but the Jews piss me off."
"I didn't say that, did I?"
-Dave (quoting some girl in Canada), Rayme
"I think I'm tired, but I'm really sad."
-Mar (I still don't think this is funny)
"I'm paying by mastacaaaahd!"
-Some customer, springing the MA accent on me
"Phil, will you please have slammin' buttsex with Ajay on the new washer/dryer with the bass up while I'm in the crawl space?"
-Phil, as Phil's dad
"This is the sound of people having aneurisms."
-Ethan, about The Scorpions
"Wait, it's '28 Days' and '200 Cigarettes.' Then '20 Dates.'"
"'2001: A Space Odyssey.' I don't think there are any movies with a 20,000."
"'20,000 Leagues Under the Sea!'"
-Boo, Mar, Boo
"If they had you in pill form I'd take you every day!"
-Spencer
"And she's all 'When did Wellesley go co-ed because all my friends say it's all girls!' and I'm all 'Dammit grandma! For the last time...'"
-Jesse
"You just want to Hop on Pop!"
-Jen, about the hot waiter whose name tag read "Dr. Seuss"
"Only four more days until 'Dude, Where's My Car?' Was that based on a book?"
-Becky, only joking yo
"I think you need a vibrator--do they sell them at Ames?"
-Becky
"We'll save the hot stuff for Becky. She'll be like page 164. You know it's always 164."
-Alison
"Dangerous to Birds: Chapter 1.
WHAA!! WHAAA!" [Bird noises erupt into laughter]
"Wait, I'll finish the sentence--WHAAA!!"
-Jen, Alison
"And we're eating at Zwendy's, of course, and we go to Zwesleyan."
"Zwow."
-Michelle, Ethan
"This was a totally non-deep conversation but we addressed all the issues--alcoholism, date rape, it was all in there."
"Just below the surface."
-Jen, Becky.
"He's great, you can make him fight the nun!"
-Spencer, about the boxing rabbi
"Imagine you're a bartender and you see a priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk int your bar and you think 'Oh shit!' It's second only to seeing a chicken cross the road."
-Ethan
"Oh no, an early emission!"
"I tried to defer!"
-Ethan, Spencer
"When my mom was sick she rented library tapes on ballroom dancing and napkin folding."
-Jen
[Someone mentions Chinese pirates cd's.]
"Chinese pirates? I can just picture them with their eye patches doing karate going 'Arrrgh! Give me an egg roll!'"
"I am General Tso!"
-Becky, Spencer
"My dad had two roommates and they were both named Norman Finkelstein."
-Nick
"That's the type of movie that they put on an airplane so people sleep instead of eat."
-Curtis
"It was a big hot tub."
"How big is Aruba?!?"
-Julie, Curtis
"Guess what! Rebecca is..."
"Pregnant?"
"Fat?"
"Dropped out?"
"Bald?"
"A lesbian?"
"No, a coke addict!"
"NO WAY!"
-Phil, everyone, Phil, everyone.
(addendum)
"You see, it's funny because she used to wear chunky shoes, and now she's a coke head!"
-Arjun
"I have all these teeth in my mouth, and, there's just a lot of them."
-Michelle
"He said you're like the stuffing to the gravy--good on the side but no fun without the breasts and thighs."
-Jen, also about Skillet Man.
"He really fries my egg product."
-Becky, about Skillet Man.
"I accidentally touched Ethan's ass."
"And I accidentally liked it!"
-Becky, Ethan
"Inteview is like the perfect blend of trash and high art culture... if I were a magazine, I think I'd be Interview."
-Ethan
"He has hair that only stupid people have. I swear, no smart person would ever have that hair."
-Becky, about Jose Canseco
"I killed my fish when I wanted to see if it could breathe out of water."
"That's horrible! How old were you?"
"I was young... but it was a challenge trying to catch them with my bare hands."
-Mar, Becky, Mar
"Would you rather be deathly afraid of any kind of cloth, or deathly afraid of the color yellow?"
-Ethan
Something to consider: The sun is yellow.
"Would you rather constantly expell kittens through your nostrils, or always see things that aren't there?"
"Wait, would they disintegrate on ground contact, or just, like, fill up the room?"
-Ethan, Nick
"I went out with a guy who had a foot fetish. It was awesome!"
-Alison
"It's so 'Clarissa Explains it All', but sexy!"
-Ethan
"Event Sex!!"
-Michelle
"I have low self-esteem too, but I express it the healthy way-- by eating Double Stuf Oreos."
"WOO!!"
-TV, Jen and Becky
"Oh. My. God. Don't EVEN!"
-Jen, emerging from the back room to scream at the TV
"The Red Shoe Diaries were like a precursor to Sex and the City."
"No city, just sex."
"No city."
"Just sex."
-Mar, Michelle, Ethan, Allison
"But it's a really hot potato sack."
-Uncredited (Michelle, take better notes!)
"Can you imagine, what if someone had been cryogenically frozen for sixty years and then saw THAT?"
-Becky, re: Lil' Kim's "dress"
[Insane amounts of laughter]
"The news channel went defunct!! Hahahaaa."
-Becky, 10/23/00
[Mar is reading Bayard's yearbook. She comes to person whose first name is just the initial "F". Michelle is playing, and commenting on Snood]
"Do you know what the 'F' stand for?"
"No, I don't."
"Fuck!"
-Mar, Bayard, Michelle 10/23/00
"I wanted to tell people I was following the dead, but as soon as I decided that, Jerry Garcia died."
-Mar 10/23/00
"But if you go on a Journey, you are a Foreigner."
"Well, you can go on a journey to like, Kansas. Wait a minute! Journey, Foreigner, Kansas, Boston, Chicago, America-- they all suck!"
-Mar, Becky
"Maybe [the fetus that got flushed down the toilet] could be
assimilated into the sewer system. It can become like, this
mutant sewer baby!"
-Becky
"Woah--it's heteronormative girl!"
-Ethan
"You gave me a humor orgasm."
(corollary)
"I need a humor cigarette."
-Spencer
"...and it's like, I can't be seen with him, he'd ruin my reputation! I'm such a snob, whatever."
-Becky
"My analysis of the situation is that he peed behind her, not on her."
-Mar
"Oh shit--new month!"
-Scott (insert possessive) Scott Scott
"I'm a whore with a heart of gold...who's tough."
-Scott
[Jesse makes gurgling, satanic noises]
"I hope that's not your internal monologue."
-Ethan
"You make a better whore than you do a window."
-Ethan
"Michelle lost her cherry."
-Ethan
"I'm not gonna suck a flat penis."
-Nick, in regards to a chocolate novelty lollipop
"Can I get a dark chocolate penis?"
-Nick
"I'd drink milk from a breast now if it were available."
-Nick
"There's something I like about him [Donny Osmond]. I don't know what it is."
"Maybe it's the incest."
-Boo, Mar
"How much do you think she paid for that poise?"
-Ethan
"She's as hot as your mom."
-Nick, regarding Meg Ryan
"He's heads and tails above everyone."
"I think you mean head and shoulders."
"But your head is here and your shoulders are here and your tail is here, so he's that much above everyone else."
"Edward Norton has a tail?"
"I think everyone has a tail bone."
"The coccyx."
"Edward Norton is head and coccyx above everyone?"
-Mar, Ethan, Mar, Ethan, Nick, Ethan, Mar
"No, but his opinion is wrong."
-Nick 9/10/00
"I didn't really like 'Hard Day's Night.' It was mostly just a lot of girls running around and screaming."
"Yeah, it's like 'The Blair Witch Project,' except that no one dies."
-Mar, Ethan, 9/10/00
"Big Pimpin' down at Bessie E's."
-Ethan, about Bess Eaton's
"She seems to have an invisible ketchup."
-Ethan singing Phil Collins
"The wind in a young girl's eye, glory days."
-Becky's interpretation of Bruce
"He's a nice guy."
"And look where that got him. Negative one pieces of toast."
-Michelle, Mike
"I think it's magnetic."
"Dave, it's plastic."
-Dave, Mar 8/16/00
"I (maple leaf) Canada!"
-Everyone in Canada
"That's what the Amazons did, they kept men as slaves for the sole purpose of breeding."
"Yeah, but the men probably didn't mind."
--Anne, Mar
"Are you gonna be man enough to wear a skirt?"
-Mar to Phil
"Rayme, let's cheers."
"What are we cheers-ing to?"
"To being hot!!"
-Phil, Rayme, both together
"Neth... Lip... Sa... Elle... Da... Me... Anne??"
-Mar & Phil, saying last syllables of people's names
"I don't know, they have latitude here now?"
-Mar
"Phil, pour a shot."
"HEL-lo, Finlandia!"
-Arjun, Phil
"You know who went on the senior cruise? Takahiro Takahashi!"
"That's not a person!!"
-Arjun, Mar
"Isn't there an e store? eBay, what's eBay??"
-Arjun
"Nika Wooka Slim Shifty"
-Arjun, being unique again
"I still think it's stupid, like, Asian Awareness week... everyone knows there are Asians!! It should be Asian CULTURE Awareness week."
"Hey, I'm not so sure about that."
-Mar, Ken
"Guys are annoying. They always want more than you're willing to give."
"Yeah, like I want cuddling and they want oral sex."
-Rayme, Phil
"Giving heads sucks. It's overrated."
"You have to watch your word choice."
-Phil, Arjun
"No, Mar, rarely do they end the middle lane."
-Amanda, Canada
"Yo, when we all go to hell, we're meeting in the front."
-Phil (again)
"Did you ever go out wearing someone else's shoes? You are almost guaranteed to have a bad time."
-Phil, Canada
"Everyone's hot."
-Phil, Canada
"And one of his roommate's names...is Justin Case."
-Rayme
"I know who the second president is. Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Quincy Jefferson."
-Arjun, 8/3/00
"You just lost four games that you invented that only involved ordinal counting."
-Arjun, 6/13/00
"Uh-oh. When we're in Montreal and we go to the weather channel to check the time it'll be in Celsius."
-Amanda, 6/13/00
"I found out the hard way that in Spain you can't say 'Can I take pictures.' I asked some security guards in a museum if I could take pictures, and they all looked at me and were really worried. You have to say, 'Can I photograph..."
-Graham, 6/13/00
"If I plugged my computer into my belly button...it would be Ethan-net!"
-Ethan
"Hello? The Chunnel? The subway system is a network of vaginas!"
-Becky
"Stop it! You're straining my humor muscle!"
-Spencer
"Can't we make it through one dinner without talking about skullfucking?"
-Marisa
"Britney Spears exudes gonorrhea."
-Nick
"This is the same thing but now there's an ass!"
-Ethan
"Aside from the blow job, how was the Italian?"
-Marisa
"Why is this beer making me drunk?"
-Becky
"My cat dominates me and I like it."
-Scott