Five days later....
Jax's eyes fluttered. He heard a known drawl beside him and tried to open his eyes further to focus on the origin. He heard rampant sneezing and groaning. Something about an damned ocean and a sea of heather...
Then it all snapped back to torment him. The trauma of last night slammed into him like a dull knife. To his left Jax finally made out Jerry, of all people, loudly blowing his nose. God, as if last night wasn't bad enough, Jerry was here to antagonize him further. He just wanted to be alone now. Wait, he thought, I can't stay here! He had to get out of this bed and look for Brenda. She was still out there somewhere cold and probably scared! He had to save... Oh. He had to find her BODY he corrected himself. His fault. You let her drown remember? His mind cruelly reminded him of his shortcoming. Brenda was gone and it was his fault. How could he let himself live with that? He couldn't. There was only one way to cope, he would NOT let her be dead. He just couldn't.
He ignored Jerry's moaning and grumblings while slowly pulling the IV out of his arm. Every muscle in his body screamed as he swung his legs over the side of the bed. A voice rang out in congested anger. Any other time, Jax would have doubled over laughing at the comical sound of Jerry's voice. Right now though, Jax was simply annoyed. Damn it, why couldn't he have had a private room?
"Where the hell do you think you're going?"
Jerry was blatantly angered by Jax's presumption that he himself hadn't already tried that.
"To find Brenda. She's out there..."
"Jax..." Jerry barely controlled his voice. "Brenda's dead.""No..." Jax shook his head. "She's not. I held her in my arms last night Jerry. She opened her eyes and looked at me. She trusted me to protect her and I let her down. I HAVE to find her."
"It's been 12 days Jax."
Jax was balancing on one leg putting on a pair of pants when Jerry's words struck him. His expression turned incredulous as he turned to face his brother.
"What? What do you mean?""Do you think I'm here just from a short swim? I've been playing sentinel to your suicidal butt. Eating and sleeping is so overrated, don't you think?"
A growing alarm went off in Jax's head. What did he mean 12 days?
"Jerry, enough. What are you talking about?"
"You, dear brother, were in a coma until two days ago. You've been suicidal and delirious for days." He sniffed at the pudding on his tray and tossed it in distaste.
"But you found Brenda's body, right?" His face became hot with oncoming panic.
"No, Jax. The tide was far too strong. It must have pulled it out to sea. Mother and…" Jerry wanted to shift the subject right away. He could see the blood draining out of Jax's face.
"What the hell were you thinking? Of course she's there! She didn't float out to sea like so much driftwood! She was right there! I saw her Jerry! I let her go! I couldn't hold on to her! She's there and I'll find her myself!" He continued the task of getting dressed.
"Jax, TWELVE DAYS have passed! What is it you expect to find now?"
"Well I'm certainly not going to stay here and find out!"
"Oh don't worry. At least you'll be out of here soon, which is more than I can say for myself."
"They're releasing me? Just like that?" Good, he thought. One less battle to fight.
"Well, there are some conditions…Mum and Dad will tell you all about it when they get here."
"Uh huh, and when will that be?"
"Anytime now, thank God. This food is appalling at best." He looked up slyly and winked. "They're bringing real food."
Jax weighed his options. He could leave now and avoid his parents, or he could wait to hear them out. Whatever these conditions were, he couldn't escape the feeling of dread they conjured. Besides, it would only make things worse to flee before official release.
"They've got 15 minutes to get here Jerry." Jax wasn't sure he'd actually leave, but making the declaration gave him a sense of control; false as it may be.
"Uh, sure Jax. Mighty gracious of you little brother." Jerry rolled his eyes. His flippant attitude concealed much deeper emotions. The dream he'd had stirred up a whole cauldron of confusion. It wasn't that he didn't think of her all the time or even dream of her frequently; it was just too real. Never before had he smelled things in his dreams, or felt the mist on his face. Even if the dream hadn't been so realistic, being stuck in this bed gave him far too much time to mull it over. It was sinking him into an increasingly foul mood, and that mood was inevitably going to vent out toward Jax. Jerry knew that and felt guilty, but couldn't help it. Jax just happened to be the poor sap in the next bed.
*******************************************
Precisely 16 minutes later…
Jax stepped out of the bathroom where he had just finished cleaning up. He unfortunately couldn't shave since all sharp objects were now forbidden in the room. It ranked low on his priorities right now anyway. Jerry look at his table clock stupefied.
"You know it's been 16 minutes. I was always confounded by your uncanny ability to gauge time. I suppose your current medical condition accounts for the slight tardiness. Is that what happens with coma patients these days?" Jerry under duress was usually pretty unpleasant. Jerry trapped in a hospital room for five days was downright vicious with little remorse. Jax ignored him completely.
"Alright, I'm out of here."
"I don't THINK so!"
Jax turned almost sheepishly to face his father.
"Sit down son." John's eyes bespoke a burden he did not want to unleash, but had no other choice. Jax's eyes, on the other hand, flared in outrage and defiance.
"No." His chin lifted slightly as if in a challenge to his father. John shrugged but didn't move from the doorway. Lady Jane stood stalwartly at his side before spying Jerry's half annoyed, half pleading look. She quickly migrated to his bedside, dropped the take out bag on his lap, and returned to John. Jerry gaped in disbelief at the steaming Panda Inn sack.
"What the hell is this?"
"Your dinner Jerry, now hush." Jerry's eyes bulged at her short, distracted reply. One look from John made him quickly repress any further comments, leaving him to mutter something under his breath about Jax's pigheadedness.
"Fine. Stand if you like Jasper, but you will have to hear me out if you're to leave this room." John folded his hands over his chest and cocked his head to the side in answer to Jax's defensive stance.
"I'm not a child. I can go when I please. You've no say in it." Jax was trying hard to remember if he'd ever had to face his father in this way before. If so, the event was escaping him altogether. This was Jerry's style, not his.
"That, my son, is where you're gravely mistaken. Due to your attempts earlier to take your own life, the hospital will only agree to release you to the care of your mother and I. You will have an on-site nurse and psychiatrist to help you recouperate properly. Don't look at me like that Jasper. This is non-negotiable."
It was now Jax's turn to gape. His head spun at his father's inelastic words and stature. How could they think he was nuts?
"This is crazy! You think I've lost my mind! I didn’t try to kill myself! Why would you think that?"
"Jax, you were sitting outside on that ledge reaching out to fall. You were talking about 'nobody leaves' and reaching for thin air. What are we supposed to think?" Jerry launched his accusation through half a mouth of Szechwan beef.
"Why don't you shut up and chew that food Jerry? None of want to see it; it smells bad enough." The last thing Jax would tolerate now is all three of them ganging up on him. "I wasn't going to jump. I saw her out there! I just thought I could reach out and touch her one last time. I didn't want to kill myself. Christ, if that's what I really wanted I wouldn't have taken the time to talk to anyone! I would have gotten a running start!" I DID see her, he thought. Whatever she was, she was there! It seemed like only last night to Jax.
"Nonetheless Jasper, sitting outside on a narrow ledge in 30 degree weather talking to apparitions does nothing to prove your sanity to anyone! Son, you have to agree to this or stay here in the psychiatric ward. Convince us or convince them! It's up to you. I personally think you'd be much better off with us."
Lady Jane had remained curiously silent through this volatile rally. She knew better than to say much under the circumstances. Her heart ached so passionately for Jax that she feared her resolve would crumble. Jane was well aware of how easily this kind of pain could distort reality. She too had lost someone irreplaceable and understood how one could lose hope and direction. She couldn't let that happen to Jax. She had to stand strong with John.
"Mum, aren't you going to help me? Tell them they're wrong! Tell me you believe me!" Jax had always found an ally in his mother and was hoping for the same now.
"If she had any difference of opinion she would have said so by now!" Jerry didn't like Jax trying to play on their mother's soft spot for him. Jax darkened visibly and clenched his teeth. He fought to control his skyrocketing temper.
"I swear to you Jerry if you do not keep out of this I will make sure your stay here is vastly extended!"
Jane stepped from John's stern shadow and put her hands placidly on Jax's arms. She prayed for the strength to say what she knew was needed.
"Jax, I do believe in you. I believe you are in tremendous anguish over Brenda's death, but I also believe you need someone qualified to help you deal with your loss. It's a horrific way to lose the one you love, seeing it happen and the like. I just don't think this is a bad decision, and I have to stand by your father on this. I love you and I want to see you become a whole person again."
"How can you say that? I can never be whole again! Brenda held my heart! She took it with her when she died! I can never get it back!" Jax sank down into the chair behind him, bowing his head in bereavement. He felt his body starting to burn again. His head pounded with the aching heat and he tried to calm his racing heart. What IS wrong with me? I must have some sort of flu.
John walked to Jax's side and reached out to stroke his son's hair. Jax jolted at the unwelcome touch.
"Don't touch me! Leave me alone! I want out of here! I have to go find Brenda! How could you leave her out there all alone?" Jax lunged for the door, knocking John to the side. Jerry erupted from his bed sending fried rice everywhere. He tackled Jax from behind, knocking him to the floor just shy of the door. The ensuing struggle brought orderlies from every nook of the hallway. Jax was screaming at Jerry to get off of him and that he had to get back to Brenda. A rotund male orderly ran from the nurses cubicle with a syringe. As he sank the needle into Jax's thigh, Jane turned into John chest and cried.
Monica Quartermaine rounded the corner in a whirlwind of panic. She surveyed the disheveled room and zeroed in on Jerry.
"What the hell is going on here?! Jerry what are you doing out of bed? Why is Jax in restraints? John, Jane, please talk to me now!"
John held his wife close and sadly turned to answer Monica.
"It's alright Dr. Quartermaine. We've made our decision."
