North Dakota Humor

A group of us one day were suffering from a serious affliction of caffeine overload and we came up with this witty collection of reasons why we like to live and study in North Dakota. You are welcome to sit a spell and enjoy some of this fine North Dakota humor. The comments you will see below come from observation or experience. As you can tell us North Dakotans have a lot we can chalk for experience.

~~Nature~~

• Mosquito is the state Bird
  
• Parts of North Dakota has more cows than people.
• Snow is a naughty four letter word
  
• 2 seasons - Winter and Road Construction
  
• Meteorology Students get first hand experience in climate change
  
• Only place in the country where there is black snow
  
• Scraping car windows is a rite of passage for all car owners.
  
• We name our blizzards: Andy, Betty, Christopher, Doris, Elmo, Franzi, Gust and Hannah. We can't let Florida have all the fun of naming storms.
  
• Concept of distance is in miles and direction
  
• Navigators to US Navy after longstanding experience of going places with no landmarks
  
• Two questions any newcomer asks when they come to North Dakota: 1. Where is the terrain? 2. Why is it so windy?
  
• The biggest hills in eastern North Dakota are the overpasses
  
• March, April, September and October have varied weather. The seasoned North Dakotan has swimsuit for tanning or snowclothes for shoveling!
  
  ~~Flood fighting skills~~
  
• One can become a sandbag, generator and sump pump expert without even studying.
  
• A different concept of Riverdance and it includes mud boots, sandbags, and sump pumps
  
• Sandbagging in a blizzard is gauche
  
• Throwing sandbags is an Olympic Sport.
  
• The Red River of the North the subject of our version of Riverdance.
  
• English majors attempt to come up with colorful alliterations for snow
  
• Flizzard is a legitimate word - fighting a flood in a blizzard.
  
  ~~Winter Survival skills~~
  
• Cars come with an umbilical cord as standard equipment
  
• Practice the native gait - ice shuffling
  
• Shoveling snow is an Olympic sport
  
• In the winter, it gets so cold we can say an entire paragraph in one breath
  
• Cabin fever is a true mental illness
  
• Wear designer name long underwear
  
• Local terms include flizzard, snirt and windchill.
  
• Our version of Greased Lightning is how fast you can spin out while driving on ice.
  
• Local contests include how many layers of clothes you can get on
  
• Jump starting cars is a required skill.
  
• Laugh at the silly soaps and their idea of winter and think of the frostbite they would get here if they did not wear gloves.
  
• Ski-doing is a popular winter sport
  
• Cold is a state of mind
  
• Constructing the ideal society amid cabin fever
  
• Canadians export the weather
  
• The ability to go from designer long underwear to summer clothes at a moments notice.
  
• The ability to distinguish between white-out conditions and blizzard conditions
  
• The ability to watch a national reporter's face go white when you explain 20 below to them
  
• Weather is 80% of your conversation.
  
• You know the difference between temperature and wind chill.
  
• You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees outside in March, but bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60.
  
• You know what cabin fever is (December, January, February, and March!)
  
  ~~Agriculture~~
  
• The ability to negotiate a narrow country road when you meet a combine.
  
• Dance of the Farm Vehicles is a rite of passage on the highways and byways of the state
  
• Gain experience driving and dodging flying potatoes and sugar beets falling off the trucks.
  
• View wonderful scenery and enjoy nature when following a tractor on a narrow country road
  
• Farmer Hours are legal work hours - dawn to dusk....err should that be midnight!
  
• Giant animals along the interstate.
  
• You learned to drive "on the farm".
  
  ~~Culture and Language~~
  
• Lefse, Lutefisk, Fleischkiechla, bad beer and Coffee are local foods
  
• The use of potato tortillas aka lefse for a variety of treats
• The Danish are not related to the Danish Roll.
  
• Uff-da is a native word
  
• Understand what Garrison Keillor says
  
• Small towns roll up the sidewalk at sunset.
  
• We don't wear plaid shirts. We wear flannel shirts.
  
• Redheads don't necessarily denote Irish.
  
• We have our own versions of Rush Limbaugh in North Dakota: Ed Schultz and Scott Hennen.
  
• It is an insult to call a German from the homeland a German-Russian and vice versa
  
• Ya, you bet is a local phrase
  
• givin' ya grief is kidding and teasing a person
  
• You have gotten frostbitten and sunburned
  
• You always miss the Combine Show at the State Fair...but you still make it for those mini-donuts and cheese curds!
  
• You've gotten fresh eggs and milk from a farm.
  
• You compare the Medora Musical to Broadway.
  
• You drink POP and are proud of it.
  
• You have a favorite AM station.
  
• You get mad at people who think Fargo is in Minnesota.
  
• You feel the need to correct everyone's misperception that there are Indians roaming the plains.
  
• You know that small towns are "rumor mills," and must tell everyone you see.
  
• You may hate George Sinner for a lot of things, but you will always love him for canceling school.
  
• Not only do you have snow days, your school is canceled because of the cold (-100 F wind chill).
  
• You call Bismarck and Mandan the "Cities".
  
• You can name the 4 seasons: fall, winter, spring, and road repair.
  
• Have the same classmates kindergarten through grade 12 in many North Dakota towns.
  
• Nothing gets you madder than seeing an out-of-state license plate, because you know they're just passing through.
  
• You think that Lutherans and Catholics are the two major religions of the world.
  
• You know what "uff-da" means and how to use it in the proper context.
  
• You went to Canada on your 18th birthday.
  
• Your car was the only hangout option in high school.
  
• All of your friends are at least "a part Norwegian".
  
• You know people who actually say "yah sure" and "you betcha".
  
• You are excited the first time it snows, and then slap yourself because you know by April you'll be insanely sick of it.
  
• Everyone you know has a cabin.
  
• You get sick of people asking you "is it cold up there?"
  
• You never appreciate "North Dakota Nice" until you move away from it.
  
• At least two of your neighbors have keys to your house.
  
• You have almost always had a "white Christmas".
  
• You love SPAM and can name what it stands for (spiced ham).
  
• Holidays at your house always include a big glass of Mogan David wine.
  
• Your friends that come to visit from REAL urban areas always remark on how blasted many people you know.
  
• You know what lefsa is.
  
  ~~Sports and Outdoor Activities~~
  
• HOCKEY IS A RELIGION!!!!! GO UND SIOUX!!!!
  
• North Dakota's version of the Civil War is fought on the football field - University of North Dakota Sioux vs. North Dakota State University Bison
  
• The only reason North Dakota does not have a professional sports team is that Minnesota would be jealous.
  
• You own at least one item that says "I'd rather be fishing"
  
• You used to think Deer Season was an official school holiday.
  
• You know which calibre rifle works best in any given situation that would require a rifle.
  
• You hate all Minnesota professional sports teams, because they have professional sports teams.
  
• You've gone camping for your birthday.
  
• You remember playing Kickball in elementary school and miss it.
  
• You take all your vacations "by the water".
  
• You own an ice house, a snowmobile, and a 4 wheel drive vehicle.
  
• When you talk about "opener" you are not talking about cans
  
• You've gone fishing in the Kiddie Pond ... recently!
  
• You remember going Trick-or-Treating in 3 feet of snow.
  
• You know people that have more fishing poles than teeth.
  
• You remember every high school sporting event that you ever participated in.
  
• You have at least one tee shirt and one poster with Virgil Hill.
  
  ~~General Humour~~
  
• The only state in the union to have a suburb in Minneapolis and Arizona.
• North Dakota is a state contrary to popular belief.
  
• Value our knowledge of geography of the rest of the country.
  
• Diplomacy: Visit the Norwegian consulate in Fargo and Minnesota has an embassy
  
• We worship the Norwegian Royal Family and not the Windsors
  
• Sign for the next rest area: 75 miles
  
• Powerlines are the state tree
  
• Custer was healthy when he left for Montana.
  
• At least we are not the nation's largest insanity asylum and we all know where that is!! Look west!
  
• The world's third largest nuclear power
  
• The ability to come up with new routes at a moments notice when you spot road construction.
  
• Driving 60 miles to go shopping in Fargo or Grand Forks is nothing.
  
• You know that everyone has a "city preference"- Fargo or Grand Forks.
  
• You measure distance in minutes.
  
• Down south to you means South Dakota.
  
• You call freeways "highways".
  
• Snow tires come standard on all your vehicles.
  
• You know why there would be an electrical plug hanging out of a car hood.
  
• You think public transportation is "Ole's truck bed".
  
• 75% of your graduating high school class went to North Dakota State University. - Go BISON!!!
  
• You've been to Fort Mandan on a field trip at some point in your school days.
  
• You know more than 1 person that has hit a deer.
  
• You always said that you were going to leave when you grew up.
  
• People from other states love to hear you say words with "o"s in them.
  
• You have no problem spelling "Minneapolis".
  
• You can drive faster on gravel roads than on pavement.
  
• At least one member of your family has cut your hair.
  
• You're a loyal K-mart shopper.
  
• You still think "Gay 90's" is just an expression.
  
• You've licked frozen metal ... in the past year!
  
• You spend at least a paycheck on fireworks every 4th of July.
  
• You used to think the State Capital was a "very tall building".
  
• You carry jumper cables in your car.
  
• You can give directions to Teddy Roosevelt's house.
  
• You think you can get a job anywhere because you have that Midwestern work ethic.
  
  

A couple of gems for your amusements.

The following is a story called about the Indepth Study of feeling cold as it appeared in the University of North Dakota Dakota Student in September, 1991. It was written by Christopher S. Winter, who was on the editorial staff at the time.

Welcome to local Climate 101, Here is your class syllabus:
Class Schedule: 8 a.m. to 8 a.m., Monday through Sunday. From September 22 until April 15.
Class room: All areas within the Grand Forks City limits.
Instructor: Dr. Satan
Pre-requisite: All students must be living organisms.
Required Materials: James'Frostbite, Sagan's Sunflake City, and Malden's Don't Leave Home. Other equipment includes an Air Force Parka, a canadian touque, Ms. Piggy ear muffs, Grips duck-hunting gloves and several sets of thermal underwear.
Quick hints: In this near seven-month session, we will explore the concept of cold and being cold. We will not accomplish this through tests and papers. We will accomplish this through in-depth and continuous experience - in essence a trip through a frozen hell.

Recently there has been debate as to whether the University of North Dakota should change its nickname from the Fighting Sioux. The following is the Fargo Forum's response to the debate. This cartoon was featured in the editorial section in February 16, 1999:

And here are a websites for you to explore further the wonderfulness of North Dakota humor and culture:

Titans of the North Visit North Dakota's and Minnesota's gift to the driving world. Giant animals, plants and yes, people along the roadside! They did however forget the giant ox and oxcart in downtown Fargo on Main Avenue.

If you have any North Dakota humor you would like to contribute to his page. Drop me a line.

ladyaedin@prodigy.net or ceoltoiri@oocities.com

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