Nervousness was causing convulsions. She was shaking. Trembling. She was so nervous and scared. Lilia had no idea how she was going to face him. After so long, after all that had happened. Every step of the way she had tried to find an excuse to back out, but her conscience was screaming at her. She had let him hurt for too long. It was time she tried to make amends, tried to fix the mistake.

She walked quietly around the backstage area. Paul had told her where she would most likely find him. The room was right in front of her, the door half open. She slowed down as she heard voices drifting out of the room. Her heart started beating fast as she moved in closer and peeked in the door. She exhaled slightly. He wasn't there. She couldn't see him anywhere. Three out of the five were there, along with Carrie, Sarah, and Kevin's fiancee. She listened carefully to their conversation, eavesdropping shamelessly, hoping to find some clue about where to find Nick.

"I wonder how long it will be until they actually go public with this," AJ's familiar voice wafted out.

"I know. They've been carrying on like…well, like Paul and Sandy did, when they were trying to hide from Damon and Jacki, and they way that they were doing the same thing…Remember? They were always sneaking off. It was rather funny to watch…To see Nick do that now, it's hilarious," another voice chimed in.

"I wonder why he's hiding this new relationship. Don't you guys find that a little funny?" Howie asked.

"Sure, but he probably just doesn't want to make a big deal about his finally moving on with someone. It's too bad it had to be with Sasha though. She's a nice girl, but she's no Lilia," AJ said.

"You're just saying that because you don't like Sasha. Look, as long as Sasha doesn't just drop him without a word, just some stupid note, she's fine in my books. Lilia is better off forgotten, if you ask me," Kevin said.

Lilia absorbed their conversation in shock. He had moved on? That wasn't expected. To be honest, a small part of her pride had hoped that he hadn't. But it made what she had to tell him easier. There was no pressure, no expectations now. The only thing that she was hoping was that he would listen to her. But given the attitude towards her demonstrated by his closest friends, she wasn't too optimistic.

Turning from the conversation, no longer able to stomach it any more, she walked dejectedly down the hall. Okay, let's find him and get this over with. She was dreading seeing his face. His beautiful, innocent face. A face that she loved. He didn't deserve what she had done to him. She walked to the end of the hall, and looked around. Everyone was busy, everyone was running around with a purpose. But there was one woman, just sitting around. She seemed to be lost in a daydream. Lilia felt that she was the safest to approach.

"Excuse me, can you tell me where to find Nick Carter?" she asked tentatively.

"Isn't that the million dollar question. I'm sorry, I can't tell you where he is. You'll just have to wait until the concert like everyone else. They appreciate their fans and all, but sneaking backstage and disturbing them right before a performance is not the brightest thing to do," the woman smirked at her.

"Look, I'm here with the opening act, Premiere. I am not an over-zealous fan. I have permission to be here. I'm…an old friend of Nick's and I would like to speak with him. Do you know where I can find him?" Lilia asked, her patience worn thin by the condescending tone in her voice.

"Isn't that just peachy? I'm sure you know him. Every one that comes back here has known him at some point," she answered back.

"My name is Lilia and if you know where Nick is, could you please tell me?" Lilia pleaded. The girl looked up as if stung when she mentioned her name. She regarded Lilia curiously for a long moment, with a stunned expression mixed with fear frozen on her face. She just kept staring when Lilia became angry.

"What are you looking at?" she demanded.

"I've always wondered what a cold hearted, bitch from hell looks like. If you are here to hurt him again, then just leave," the girl ordered. Lilia realized with a sinking feeling that this must be the new woman in Nick's life, the Sasha that the Boys had been speaking about.

"Do you know where I can find him?" Lilia asked, ignoring the girl's tone of voice. Sasha looked Lilia right in the eyes. In those green eyes that Nick had loved so much. The first night that she had met him, he must have mentioned Lilia's breathtakingly beautiful green eyes a hundred times. And she was looking in them. But they seemed tired, sad. And desperate. Something in Sasha twisted as she recognized that emotion and she felt sorry for her. She had come a long way for nothing. Nick was taken. She couldn't have him back, Sasha was not willing to give him up so easily. But the desperation cried out to be heeded.

"I'll show you," she whispered.

* * * *

Sasha led her down a hall. At the end of it was a half opened door, with voices trickling out. Lilia was trembling as they neared it. She had no idea what to expect, what would happen. She was terrified.

She stood just outside the door now, mustering up enough courage to cross the threshold, to face him again. She tried to force herself to move her legs, to walk through.

She was at the door, staring at the threshold. She could not move. She was frozen. She could see him. He had his back to her, but she could see him. A wave of panic over took her and she backed away a few steps, desperate to get away. But she had come to tell him and that was what she was going to do. She worked up enough courage to step through the door when she overheard the conversation ensuing inside the room.

"Maybe I don't love Lilia anymore. Maybe I've moved on. She is my past," an unmistakable voice yelled. Lilia tuned the rest of his words out as her courage failed her and her world came crashing around her. He didn't love her anymore. What would it matter now, her being there. She met the eyes of the girl who had led her towards this awful fate, and saw a smugness, a sense of victory. Relief.

He has moved on. With her. There was no place for her. He didn't love her anymore and her presence there could only cause him more problems. Don't ruin his life again, she thought, pleading with herself.

"Not again," she whispered before she turned and bolted.
Lilia's lungs felt as if they were going to explode, but she kept running until she reached the door. She threw it open and collapsed on to the alleyway. The pavement was cold and hard, just like her reality. Tears blurring her vision, she breathed deeply of the fresh air to calm herself down. Tears were stinging in her eyes, and she titled her head up to the sky, towards the stars, to keep them from falling down her cheek. It didn't work, and they soon overflowed.

* * * * *

Sasha watched Lilia's face as she heard Nick's words. The sadness haunter her, but she brushed it off, and enjoyed the relief she felt. He doesn't love her anymore. He is with me. Not her, me.

She watched Lilia as she ran away, her competition disappearing. She followed her to the end of the hall and watched her as she left the building through the fire exit. She looked around her furtively, looking to see if anyone had noticed her emotional departure. No one had.

A dilemma presented itself to her. She couldn't decide whether or not to tell Nick about Lilia coming to see him, or just to keep it to herself. If she told him, she was almost certain that he would go after Lilia, and Sasha did not want that. Something she had heard in that blissful second, something in his voice had told her that he wasn't being completely honest. She couldn't loose him.

But how many times had Nick told her how much he wanted her to come to him so he could finally have his answers? That he needed to know why she left.

If she didn't say anything, could she live with the guilt? Sasha walked back to the room where he was an peered through the door. He was sitting with his head in his hands, his golden hair spilling over. He was an image of beauty, sitting there, obviously thinking deeply about something. He was there in his natural state, a wonderful person. He wasn't wearing his Backstreet personality, he was just himself, beautiful and natural. As she watched him, she knew that she couldn't risk losing him. For anything.

She walked bravely through the door, and sat next to him. He smiled slightly as he put his arms around her. For a moment, she felt a wave of guilt looking into his blue eyes, but it passed quickly.

"What's wrong, Sash?" he asked quietly. She thought quickly to come up with something. If she denied it, then he would pursue it and she would give in and tell him that she was there.

"Oh…there was just some…girl who got really upset because I wouldn't tell her where…Kevin was. She finally gave up and left, but she wasn't that nice," she lied. He smiled, and kissed her.

"Don't worry about it. I'll always be nice to you," he promised. She sighed in her secret feeling of relief. And triumph. She had won. She was the one who had replaced Lilia. Lilia was nothing to him now that Nick had her.

* * * *

"Sasha, a word please?" asked AJ. It was later that night, after the concert. They were celebrating the successful completion of the tour.

"What's the problem, AJ?" she asked, slightly irritated. So far, she had been getting along well with all other members of the Boys, but there was some friction between her and AJ.

"I was just wondering something. I saw you with this girl today, and she looked strikingly familiar, it was almost like seeing a ghost. Who was she?" he asked suspiciously. He knew very well who she had been with, you could not mistake Lilia for anyone else. But no one else had mentioned seeing her, or that she had been there, so he felt that something was amiss with the situation. Not wanting to bring it up with Nick and cause trouble for the poor boy, he had decided to question the source of his curiosity, Sasha.

"Oh, her. She was just a fan. Claiming that she knew…Kevin personally or something like that," Sasha lied.

"Are you sure, Sasha? Because she looked like a good friend of ours that we haven't seen in awhile. It would have been a pleasant surprise to see her again. Did she leave her name?" he asked carefully.

"No…no, she didn't. Sorry, AJ. I didn't know her. She was a fan who got through security somehow," Sasha said, digging herself deeper. Her palms were sweating and she was on the verge of panic. She was so close to being caught, she knew that AJ wasn't buying her explanations. So someone had seen her, she thought. She had to get out of there, fast.

"Sasha! There you are!" Nick exclaimed, slightly intoxicated, from across the room. She rushed over to him. AJ narrowed his eyes suspiciously as he watched the two of them. He had a feeling that he had just been lied to and that he had been right about her.

"AJ, honey, what's with the glare? That only worked for Medusa because of the snakey hair-thing. You can't turn her to stone," Sarah said, coming over to him.

"I just think there's more to Sasha than anybody knows about. And that's not a good thing," he sighed.