Musings
Original photo before rendering © by Stone Seraphim
{ Angelic Feelings } { Transparent } { Adoration } {Within The Void } { Jessica Dianne Garner } { Nothingness } { All That Is Left }
{Guilty Conscience } { Alone In Darkness } { Sameness } { Darkness Surrounds } { 'Til Death }
Angelic Feelings
A million stars, twinkling down,
Sharing their light and magic;
A gentle shower of rain,
Tingling the face of it's adorers;
Shivers which creep along one's spine
At the sweetest touch of a kiss;
The feeling of bare feet
Walking upon a million rose petals;
The blissful warmth felt
When unclothed bodies touch;
The insatiable hunger felt
When absence is inevitable;
The heavenly touch of velvet,
Felt against naked skin;
The gentle clap of thunder
During the first spring storm;
The ecstasy felt when adoringly
Kissed upon the forehead;
The dizziness felt after
Twirling under the midnight sky;
The gently breeze that wisps by,
Brushing your hair against your cheek;
The beauty of pale flesh,
Mysteriously cast in shadow;
Such are the feelings created by...
True Love.
copyright Angel_of_Goth
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Transparent
Six barriers make up
The enclosing space that grasps me,
This purgatory which makes me shudder,
Yet clutches onto me from black shadows.
Countless screams for help go unnoticed
For they are simply muffled from your ears.
It seems as if I am voiceless,
Standing on one side of a two-way mirror
Desperately seeking to get through,
But remaining unseen and heard.
Restless attempts have been made
To seek a way out of this oblivion
But I am trapped in between
Your universe and my own.
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Adoration
My heart burns with a passion, a desire, a deep sense of longing.
Your smile makes me melt, and your eyes pierce my soul.
Shivers pass over me at the slightest touch of your skin against mine.
The smell of your skin drives me wild, making the world seem to fade away.
But such adoration is impossible. I'm not what you believe I am.
Don't look at me with those eyes, the ones that reflect your passion.
Don't kiss my cheek with your soft lips or smell my hair while we embrace.
Don't craddle my face in your hands, your touch causing desire.
Don't hold me as though we'll never part, as though I am yours.
But adore me still as you do. Watch my every move.
Desire me to be yours forever, to cherish, love and inspire.
Hold me within your heart and ache to touch my skin,
To hear my voice, and see my smile.
Don't turn my world upside-down, but let me haunt yours.
Need me...
Desire me...
Let me cast my spell over you.
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Within The Void
An aching for something which isn't there;
An intense need for something which will never be;
A feeling of abandonment, of betrayal;
An unconscious knowledge that no one hears
The soft echoes that reverberate within my mind:
Screams which plead for an acknowledgement,
For an escape, for a penetrating voice,
For someone to hear thier silent whispers.
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Jessica Dianne Garner
Just as if you had never left, your laughter
Echos through my thoughts and a
Sadness surrounds me, invades me, causing a
Stinging pain to envelop my heart.
I dream of your smiles, your silliness, and your
Childlike face, like that of a porcelain doll,
And it's as though I can smell your perfume,
Drowning my senses. You appear before me and
It's as if I could reach out and feel your warm skin
Against mine, it's softness causing shivers
Near the base of my neck. The reality appears.
Nothing is as it seemed only moments ago and won't
Ever be again. Your voice is in fact
Gone now, remaining out of reach
As I stumble to grasp it and hold on, trying to
Remember it forever as I clutch it to my heart.
Nothing would be able to steal it from me as it did before.
Everything would live on in my mind, as well as the deepest
Remnants of my heart, kept forever untouched.
copyright Angel_of_Goth - In memory of Jessica Garner
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Nothingness
Nothing can help me,
Nothing can save me,
Nothing makes sense,
Nothing is understandable,
Nothing matters,
Nothing understands my pain,
Nothing sees my tears,
Nothing has significance,
Nothing exists,
Nothing comforts my sorrows,
Nothing fills the void,
Nothing is worthwhile,
Nothing touches my soul,
Nothing hears my screams,
Nothing comprehends me,
Nothing at all,
Nothing...
copyright Angel_of_Goth
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All That Is Left
As candle flames perform their magic
And shadows dance softly upon the walls,
A sweet fragrance fills the room
And a picture comes to mind.
Laughter echoes in the corners of my mind
As I see your smiling face….
Then a sudden sadness replaces the laughter.
Voices whisper and there are sorrowful moans,
A minister’s prayer for happiness in Heaven
And immortality of your memory.
Gripping the railing, I see you go by
For the very last time.
Tears of anger and grief roll down my face
As I call out your name.
A painful picture…
That’s all that is left now,
Memories and pictures…
I can never touch your porcelain skin,
Or hear your angelic voice.
Your sweet perfume will never fill the room,
And I’ll never see your child-like smile again….
copyright Angel_of_Goth - In memory of Jessica Garner
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Guilty Conscience
Hidden secrets, wrote and kept-
Upon a single, white page.
Something black takes over me
And then my head fills with rage.
The sudden burst of laughter,
An angry river of tears.
Arms and fists clenched before me-
As I think of past years.
Actions never brought about,
Things left to remain unsaid.
Everything is in the past,
But the memories aren't dead.
Take these thoughts away from me,
With it, all I ever had.
It is too hard to live with,
They are all driving me mad.
Dirty, guilty conscience and
Emotions beyond control.
Go away, please, let me be.
I need to heal my soul.
Soft whispers and blank stares,
This is all I'll ever be.
Haunting reoccurences,
Unforgotten memories.
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(These next three are from 1995, and are all basically similar.)
Alone In Darkness
I scream out a millon times,
In both pain and agony,
The name I once thought to trust.
But you never came to me.
Slowly I fall through blackness,
Hoping to once reach the end
Where I may have pure beauty,
Where light will again transcend.
Echoes of utmost torture;
Again I feel myself cry.
Once more I call out your name,
Forever I self-rely.
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Sameness
No one's left to protect me,
Everyone has gone away.
How can I keep sanity
When I've had to live this way?
All the dark, hidden secrets
You never once heard about.
My life would be different
Had I gotten the pain out.
No one ever understands,
They have never been through this.
My mind is left a black hole,
I am lost in the abyss.
My arms wrap around my head,
I scream out, with tears, your name.
And still you never answer me,
So my life remains the same.
copyright Angel_of_Goth
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Darkness Surrounds
Blackness completely surrounds
The world I thought I once knew.
A world where fear subsided
And the word hate was unknown.
In my own minds sanity
I keep calling out your name,
And still you never hear me.
My vioce is but a silence.
I stand alone in my own sorrow,
Alone, scared, and betrayed.
I silently wrap my arms
Around my trembling head.
I reach out to grasp onto you
But you are nowhere in sight.
Again I have realized
You've left me alone, once more.
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'Til Death
Under the black fingered arches
She walks the aisle surrounded by slabs of gray
And hides her face behind the veil
("Dearly beloved...")
A remembrance momentarily forgotten
She clasps a single rose
In a pale hand
("We are gathered here today...")
Unseen by the absent
Tears fall from her unfocused eyes
Wet turning gray to black
("To join this couple...")
A visionary altar
Mirrors her own reflection
And the marble tables stand upright
("In holy matrimony...")
She walks alone
Passing each sentimental tombstone
In a graveyard of memories
("Do you...promise...")
Stopping randomly
She tears away the grass choking stone
And watches the inscriptions crumble away
("To love and cherish...")
Holding to shadow
She gives herself to solitude
And begins to turn from the scene
("To honor and obey...")
The rose slips slowly from her hand
And from behind her black lace veil
She watches his name etched into stone
("Until death do you part.")
--Poem by kajia--
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*~Insight~* *~Behind The Mirror~* *~Blackened Tears~* *~Meticulously Written~*
*~Mental Ward~* *~Silent Screams~* *~Glitter & Dust~* *~More Innocent Than I~*
*~Darkest Dreamers~* *~Dream In Darkness~* *~Inspire The Desire~* *~Admired By Few~*
*~Bound In Chains~* *~Vicious Circles~* *~Grasp The Light~* *~Twirl In Blackness~*
*~Thoughts Held True~*
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