Oliver Clothesoff! Call for Oliver Clothesoff!
Marge picks up the extension and hears: Listen, you lousy bum, if I ever get a hold of you, I swear I'll cut your belly open!

Uh, is I.P. Freely here? Hey, everybody, I.P. Freely!
Wait a minute... Listen to me you lousy bum. When I get a hold of you, you're dead. I swear I'm gonna slice your heart in half!

Uh, Jacques Strap! Hey guys, I'm looking for a Jacques Strap!
Oh, wait a minute...Jacques Strap It's you isn't it ya cowardly little runt? When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna gut you like a fish and drink your blood!

Hey, is there a Butz here? Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!
Oh, wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna put out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!

Uh, Homer Sexual? Aw, come on, come on, one of you guys has gotta be Homer Sexual!
Homer says "Don't look at me!"
Oh, no... You rotten little punk! If I ever get a hold of you, I'll sink my teeth into your cheek and rip your face off!
Skinner, on the other end of the line, says "You'll do what, young man?"

Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!

Uh, hey, everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt
Oh, wait a minute...

Uh, Hugh Jass? Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Hugh: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.
Moe: Telephone. (hands over the receiver)
Hugh: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.
Bart: (surprised) Uh, hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. (hangs up) What a nice young man.

Bea O'Problem! Bea O'Problem! Come on, guys, do I have a Bea O'Problem here?
Barney says "You sure do!"
Oh...it's you, isn't it? Listen, you. When I get a hold of you, I'm going to use your head for a bucket and paint my house with your brains!

Uh, Amanda Huggenkiss? Hey, I'm looking for Amanda Huggenkiss! Ah, why can't I find Amanda Huggenkiss?
Barney says "Maybe your standards are too high!"
You little S.O.B.! Why, when I find out who you are, I'm going to shove a sausage down your throat and stick starving dogs in your butt!

Ivana Tinkle? Ivana Tinkle? All right, everybody, put down your glasses, Ivana Tinkle!

During the strike when Moe is a substitute, reading attendance

OK, when I call your name, uh, you say "present" or "here". Er, no, say "present". Ahem, Anita Bath?
The students in the classroom laugh
All right, settle down. Anita Bath here?
More laughs
All right, fine, fine. Maya Buttreeks!
Still more laughs
Hey, what are you laughing at? What? Oh, oh, I get it, I get it. It's my big ears, isn't it, kids? Isn't it? Well, children, I can't help that! (leaves classroom crying)

Mr. Burns says "I'm looking for a Mr. Smithers, first name Wayland"
Oh, so, you're looking for a Mr. Smithers, eh? First name Wayland, is it? Listen to me, you; when I catch you, I'm gonna pull out your eyes and stick 'em down your pants, so you can watch me kick the crap outta you, okay? Then I'm gonna use your tongue to paint my boat!

Homer: Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura
Moe: Eura Snotball?
Homer: What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!

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