Part 7: Letting Go
Part 7 summary: : The morning after brings heartache for Jarod and Miss Parker, but both have responsibilities to attend to elsewhere
Sunday
Miss Parker's room
The Plaza Hotel
New York CityMiss Parker glanced at his sleeping body and gently kissed his cheek. The previous hours had been spent in the most intense lovemaking she had ever experienced. She still trembled at the memories. After the first time they made love, they had just held each other tightly. Jarod murmuring in her ear how much he loved her, she just allowing silent tears to fill her eyes. After a while, they had begun kissing again and exploring each other's bodies. All culminating in more orgasms for the two of them, this time Parker on top.
She looked at the clock for the hundredth time. It was 4 am. She did not want morning to come, for she knew that it would all be over then. Their truce had to stop. He needed to run off somewhere, and she needed to get back to her own life. She had decided to let him go, this time. She couldn't betray him right now. She was surprised at her use of the word betrayal. When did they establish a trust?
He slowly woke up and was pleasantly surprised at seeing her looking intently at him. He reached out and kissed her again. Miss Parker let go of her previous thoughts and returned the kiss. Tantalizingly, he began stroking her neck and arms. She moaned slowly and pushed herself against him on the bed. His stamina kept on surprising her. But it also reminded her of the fragility of the situation.
"If tonight could last a thousand days," she sadly thought.
He noticed her reluctance and stopped kissing her. "What's wrong?" He asked concerned.
"I... I don't... Jarod," she was unable to talk and more tears filled her eyes.
"My love, don't cry. It will be all right." But she couldn't stop. She silently hated herself for being so weak, especially in front of him.
"No, no, you're not weak. You are the strongest woman I know," he told her, knowing what was on her mind.
She wanted to be comforted by him, she needed to feel his soothing words, to feel him close to her. But she couldn't allow herself that pleasure. You were not supposed to have what you wanted. She had to be strong. She had to be a Parker.
Forcefully, she untangled herself from him and stood up. She glanced out the window, turned from him. She couldn't let anyone see her fall apart. Deep inside her heart, she knew her defenses had been broken by his love.
Jarod felt hurt by her rejection. But, he knew it was because she was afraid. She had wanted things to go back to how they had been between them before last night, but she was slowly realizing that making love was more than just an act. It had united them beyond words or actions. Jarod knew that.
He stood up and walked towards her. Standing behind her, he cleared his throat and said, "I know that you don't want me to see you cry. But you have nothing to fear; I would never hurt you. I understand how you feel. I too am afraid. Afraid of losing you, afraid of losing what we have here."
"What do we have, Jarod? I don't think we have anything," she said, trying to sound as if she didn't care, and failing miserably.
"You're wrong. What we have here is the possibility of ending all those lonely days and nights we both experience. You and I, on the inside, are unhappy. The Centre took away our mothers, our fathers, any possibility of love. But we can break that cycle. We have each other."
"No. We don't have anything."
"Stop closing your mind and heart to the truth. What happened last night was not some game. Nor some purely animal attraction," he reached out to her shoulders with his arms and slowly turned her around. Staring into her eyes, he told her, "I love you. I always have and I always will."
"Really, now?" She said with ice in her eyes. She wanted to push him away, so that his touch no longer hurt her. She was so afraid of letting anyone in and now she felt it was too late with him. He was already eating away her insides. She needed to hurt him, to drive him away from her. She was like a scared animal, afraid of losing herself. Of dying. If he touched her heart, she would die. "Miss Parker" would be no more. She didn't want to have to be someone else, someone who cared. She did not want to be "Marisa."
She winced at him. Attempting to ignore the hurt in his eyes, she continued, "You loved me so much that you sleep with that ranger girl?"
Jarod was not expecting her to lash out like this. But, he told himself slowly, "She's only trying to drive me away."
He responded with calm, "What happened between Nia and I should not threaten you. It's true, we made love. And I care about her; just like she cares for me. But, I am not in love with her. I am in love with you. She knew that. Actually she helped me understand what I felt for you. I visited her after you had so rudely interrogated her. I was afraid something would happen to her. She told me how jealous you were. Are... But, Marisa, leave Nia out of this. This is about you and I. Stop avoiding the subject. You are afraid."
"I have never been afraid of anything in my life," she said, trembling.
"Please, think before you speak. And listen to what I am going to tell you. I have to go in a few hours. I need to finish something that I started. My heart wants me to stay here with you, but I can't. We both know this is the wrong time for us. But, I can't leave until I know that you will be okay and that you will think about your feelings. Not just shield them behind some wall, but let them surface. Even if you decide you don't love me, I want you to reach that decision by allowing your heart to do the bidding. What ever your heart decides, I'll accept. Even if it means losing you forever," he let go of her shoulders and turned around to gather his clothes.
Parker just stared. He was right, of course. She was afraid. Yet, seeing him about to leave ("Forever, maybe," her heart jolted) made her reconsider her actions. If only she wasn't so confused! Her fear of emotion, of being vulnerable, and especially of love was driving him away. She had to conquer some of that fear, even if it was too difficult. She couldn't let him leave like this. It felt worst to be without him.
"Jarod," she called to him.
He turned to face her and let his clothes fall to the ground.
"I... I don't know how to love... you," she said trembling.
He knew that admission had been so hard for her. More tears washed her face. He neared her and put his arms around his beloved.
"All I ask is that you try," he said.
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A back road outside of New Haven, Connecticut
Broots glanced at the rear view mirror. No one was following them, thankfully. He could still not believe how he had gotten himself into this. He looked closely at the two figures in the back seat. May Li was tending to the unconscious man.
"Stop worrying, he's going to make it," she said, "We got there in time."
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Miss Parker's room
The Plaza Hotel
New York CityMiss Parker allowed him to hold her as she cried. After a while, he picked her up in his arms and carried her back to the bed. He carefully laid her down and covered her with the sheets and blanket. He sat down next to her and wiped the tears from her face.
She looked at him and felt so much confusion. Another man would have just left her after such a display of mixed emotions. But not Jarod. She was beginning to believe he really loved her. Yet, instinctively she was untrusting. Her past experiences with men had only made her suspicious of any man that said he loved her.
But Jarod's gentleness was causing her to doubt herself.
"What's on your mind?" He asked her.
"You," she answered truthfully.
"Ah, and what about me?"
"That you are right. I am afraid. I am afraid of myself. Of what I might become. Of what I might feel."
"I was afraid too. When I left the Centre, I didn't know what would happen. Who I would become. I still don't know. All I know is that we all need love in our lives. Otherwise, is it all really worth it? It was my love for my parents that drove me to finally escape and search for them. I know it's the love you feel for your mother that has caused you to question everything you have been told. Allow that love to free you."
His words made sense, but the time was not right. She needed to resolve this situation, before it was too late.
"Jarod, it's almost daylight. Our truce is about to be over," she saw her words affect him and wanted to assure him she was not going to betray his trust, "Don't worry, I'll let you go. I won't even tell anyone that I saw you, nor that you are headed for Europe. You can go... but once Broots realizes where you are, I am heading out to get you," she said, struggling to sound menacing, yet suddenly added, "I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too. But I know one day things won't be like this. However, we still have some time for ourselves," he got under the blanket and sheets and embraced her.
She allowed him to do so and slowly wrapped her arms around him. She was going to miss his touch. At the realization of that, she tightened her hold on him. He knew what she was thinking.
"I'll miss you, too," he whispered into her ear.
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Highway I-95
New York StateBroots was tired of driving, so he had switched with May Li. She was speeding away in the front seat of his car, while he sat in the back seat. He was checking on the unconscious man; he hoped the man did not take a turn for the worst.
He had noticed that the man was murmuring something slowly. The man had been unconscious for a few hours, but occasionally would talk in a delirious state. He seemed to be murmuring a name over and over, but Broots couldn't make it out.
He glanced out the window. Nothing but an empty highway and the early signs of morning. It looked like a beautiful Sunday. If only he could spend it with his daughter instead of being here. Debbie was going to be upset.
How was he going to explain what happened to him? He couldn't even make sense of most of it. Well, he knew the facts, just not why any of this was happening.
He had arrived Rock Cove late. From the window, he saw Brigitte already there and attempting to torch the place. She had knocked the man unconscious with a blunt metal object while she poured gasoline in the building. She had also made sure the man's clothes and body were wrenched in it. If he had burnt with the building, it was unlikely any identification would have been possible. There was enough fuel there to stage the Chicago fire.
Broots had stood arguing with his conscience for a few seconds before entering the place. He had been frightened of the thought of confront Brigitte. After all, she was a professional killer and he was not. Yet, that man's life was in danger. The right choice was clear.
As soon as he entered the building, he ran towards the fallen man. He checked his pulse and was happy to discover he was alive. He just needed to come up with a plan as to how to get him out without Brigitte knowing.
That's when May Li surprised him. He still couldn't believe she had followed him all the way from Blue Cove to Rock Cove without him noticing. He must have been preoccupied.
At first, he thought she was there to kill the man too. But she quickly silenced any words from him and told him she had a plan. It was a risky plan, but it worked.
They waited until Brigitte set fire to the place before they got out. That way, she would think the man had died inside. After the flames began consuming the building, they pulled the man and themselves out of a back window.
Then, they waited outside under the bushes for the fire to consume the place and for Brigitte to leave. Once outside, they also removed the gasoline stained clothes of the man and covered him in the blankets that May Li had grabbed from a room before the fire destroyed it all. May Li also threw the man's clothes into the building so that no evidence of their rescue remained.
Finally, as the fire truck neared, they got into Broots' care and drove off. May Li said she could have some one pick up her car later. As they drove back to Delaware, Broots constantly checked his mirror to make sure that no one had followed them.
And now, here they were. Three strangers driving away from trouble, possibly headed into more trouble.
He still didn't know what Mrs. Lyle, May Li, was up to. He was afraid of trusting her, but so far she had helped him. He needed to contact Sydney or Miss P. soon.
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Miss Parker's room
The Plaza Hotel
New York CityAfter lying in each others arms for a while, Parker fell asleep. While asleep, she had kicked the blanket and sheets to the floor. Jarod gently moved her aside, and untangled himself from her. He didn't want to let go, but he had to get going. He couldn't say good-bye to her in person. It was too painful. If she shed any more tears, he would not be able to go. He was already having a hard time.
He left her a note and two pictures on the night stand, along with her silver cigarette case, empty. As he left the room, he glanced at her sleeping form one more time. If things did not work out in his favor, he might not see her again. He blew a kiss to her and attempted to memorize her face, her body, her everything.
That's when he noticed the scars on her body. He had been so caught up in love making and consoling the night before that he hadn't really seen them. They were on her lower abdomen. Where a gynecologist would open to remove a woman's ovaries. Did she know what had happened to her? Did she agree to this? No, she couldn't possibly have. Perhaps she didn't even know. He had to ask her.
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Highway I-95
New York State"Have you decided if I can be trusted?" May Li asked him. She had been eyeing him for a while in the rear view mirror. She saw him jolt at her question.
"Uhm... I... Well, I don't know yet," Broots said. What was she up to?
"Understandable. All I can say right now is that like you, I don't want to see that man die. Especially not that way."
"Do you know why your husband wants him dead?" Broots asked attempting to avoid her eyes.
"No. Do you?" She asked matter of factly.
"No. All I know is that he ordered Brigitte to do it. I overheard it when we were... there."
"Does this have to do with the chip?" She said ignoring his reference to their time trapped in the desk.
"No."
"Then we need to know why Lyle wants him dead. Once he regains consciousness."
"He needs a doctor!"
"Yes, but he needs a doctor in a safe place. And I know of one in Delaware. I have examined him, he will live until we get there."
"How do you know?"
"I know."
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Miss Parker's room
The Plaza Hotel
New York CityShe woke up to find Jarod sitting by her side with a concerned look.
"What wrong?" She asked afraid of the answer.
"I need to ask you something. It's going to be hard, but I need for you to tell me the truth. What happened in March 1979?"
She looked at him in horror. The pain hit her heart at full speed. Almost twenty years of repressed emotion enveloped her mind. She didn't want to think about it. She couldn't think about it. Not today.
When ever a sexual partner had asked about the scars, she lied. She never allowed anyone to get close enough to actually know the truth. With Jarod, she wanted to lie. But, she knew she couldn't. And he knew when it happened. He probably knew it all.
"Who told you?" She asked.
"Sydney told me to ask you about it. He said it had to do with why you were not feeling well."
"He shouldn't have told you. I don't want you, of all people, to know."
"Why? I saw the scars. Why did they do this to you?"
"I had cancer."
"What?"
"I thought I was pregnant, so I went to the doctor. He told me I had cervical cancer. I had to have a hysterectomy."
"But, Parker, a hysterectomy leaves a different type of scar. They took out your ovaries."
"Well, some times they need to do that. You should know that."
"No, you don't understand. They did not take out your uterus, just your ovaries."
"What?" She asked finally understanding. What had they done to her? Why?
"Listen to me carefully. I recently found out that the Centre and NuGenesis had been conducting some experiments using the ova from an anonymous donor. From 1979 to the mid eighties. I didn't know who it was, but I think it was you."
"No! No! This can't be... I didn't have cancer?... They violated me for their dirty experiments!... No, No, you are lying. This is another one of your lies!" She accused.
"No, I am not. Check it out for yourself. Go to a doctor, see what they removed."
"I will," she said loudly and added faintly, as if to herself, "And if it's true, they will pay!"
She started crying angrily. He just held her. He was afraid that Mr. Parker knew about this. Maybe even agreed to it. Perhaps so was she.
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Highway I-95
Dover, DelawareThey were nearing Dover. May Li said she knew someone there that would help their unconscious passenger. She had been very cold the whole time, trying to find out all she could about the man and any possible connection to Lyle.
Broots wasn't telling her everything. He needed to talk to Miss P. first. She would know what to do. As soon as it was a decent time, he was going to call her. She was scheduled to return to work tomorrow, so she probably wouldn't mind if he called her today.
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Miss Parker's room
The Plaza Hotel
New York CityAt this rate, he was going to miss his plane. Jarod was still sitting on her bed, with her in his arms. Soothing her. She had stopped crying and had been silent for a while. She was probably thinking about revenge. If they had used her, and they probably had, he too wanted revenge.
But right now, she needed him. Perhaps he would take the later flight. He drew her closer and whispered, "Do you want me to stay? My flight leaves in an hour, but I can take a later one today."
"Yes. Please stay. I... need you."
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Dr. and Mrs. Rockwell's home
Dover, DelawareAfter arriving and explaining the circumstances, they had left the unconscious man in Dr. Rockwell's care and were having breakfast with Mrs. Rockwell in the kitchen. Broots was surprised these people knew May Li. Wasn't she a Yakuza spy? How could she know a seemingly plain doctor and wife?
The doctor had agreed not to report anything to the authorities and assured them that the man would be all right. Dr. Rockwell stepped into the kitchen and asked May Li to follow him. She got up and left Broots with Mrs. Rockwell.
A few minutes passed.
"So, how do you know... her?" Broots finally asked.
"Susan? Oh, she was one of my husband's students."
Susan? Broots was more confused. How many identities did this woman have? "Student?"
"Yes, at..."
"Now, dear, don't you think you should perhaps offer our guests some preserves?" Interrupted Dr. Rockwell. May Li was behind him. Mrs. Rockwell took the hint and didn't finish her sentence.
They sat down at the table and eyed Broots suspiciously.
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Miss Parker's room
The Plaza Hotel
New York CityHe was in the shower while she finished her brunch. That's why he didn't hear his cell phone ring. With all the emotions that had been consuming them for the last days, he had forgotten about his other responsibilities.
She noticed a ringing coming from the other room in the suite. She got up and went towards the entrance of the room. His cell phone was inside his jacket. She decided to answer it. Perhaps it would provide more information about where he was headed. She knew it had something to do with her mother, and that he wasn't telling her everything. She was embarrassed at her lack of trust, but she was new to these emotions.
"What?" She answered, too late to change her usual greeting.
"Jarod?" A distinctly female voice answered, "It's Maria." What was it with him and Latina women? She was instantly jealous.
"He's in the shower. What do you want?"
"Is this Marisa?"
Miss Parker was surprised at that question. This woman knew her name? "Yes? And you?"
"I'm Maria. Jarod's friend. From Seattle?... I guess he hasn't mentioned me. Well, I'm calling to tell him that I'm in. I'm due to arrive in the East Coast by Wednesday. I had a conversation with Dr. Raines. Wheezy sort of guy. Kinda creepy. And I also have some news about the samples. After I told Mr. Kirkpatrick I wanted to be part of the project, he gave me all the files. The ova donor matches the last sample he gave me. The woman with the double gene."
"Which samples did he give you?" Parker asked, afraid of the answer she already knew.
"The ones labeled 'Red files,' which I think is an odd name. Who comes up with this stuff? Do you know what it means? The one that matched was number eight."
"It means that he was right." Parker murmured and hung up. It was true! What was she going to do? She needed to take care of this herself. Without Boy Wonder.
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Dr. and Mrs. Rockwell's home
Dover, DelawareBroots and May Li were called to the guest room. The man was slowly gaining consciousness. His speech was more and more clearer. This time Broots could make out the name he was saying, it was Catherine.
He had to phone Miss P. right away.
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Miss Parker's room
The Plaza Hotel
New York CityAs she was packing her stuff to go back to Blue Cove, her phone rang.
"What?" she asked agitated.
"Miss P.?" Broots' hesitant voice inquired.
"What is it? I'm on vacation!"
"Something's happened. You have to come to Dover immediately. Someone here wants to speak to you. It's about your mother. And your brother."
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Jarod stepped out of the shower only wearing a towel. He had to leave soon, otherwise his plans would have to be further postponed. As much as he wanted to stay and just hold her, he needed to leave. As he entered the bedroom, he found her packing up her clothes.
"What's going on?" He asked.
"I have to leave."
"Where? What's wrong?"
"It has nothing to do with you. I have business to attend to... Don't give me that hurt look, Jarod. Not everything is about you."
"Marisa, why are you doing this?"
"I am not doing anything."
"Yes, you are. Stop," he neared her and grabbed her hands. "Please. I have a hard time following your decision process. You want to make love. You want me to leave. You want me to stay. Now you want to leave. What is going on?"
He was trying to make eye contact, but she couldn't face him.
"Don't make this harder than it already is," she said quietly and pulled her hands off his.
"Marisa, I am not making it harder. You are."
"Jarod, not now."
"Then when? Once I am back at the Centre like Daddy wants?"
"Look, I read your letter when you were in the bathroom. I also saw the pictures. And what did you do with my cigarettes anyway?"
"You should stop smoking. And may I remind you that all this time you haven't craved a cigarette? But this is not about that. Tell me what is wrong."
"All's been said already. I have to go. Things have changed."
"Yes, they have. Just not in the way you hoped."
"Stop, pretending you rule my world, Jarod. Just because you got lucky doesn't mean I am going to swoon over you."
She was trying to hurt him, why? What had happened between the time he left her to shower and now? Jarod could not make sense of it. The old Parker was back in full bitch mode. He didn't want things to end like this. And he thought, he hoped, she didn't either.
But sometimes the best way to deal with her was not to deal with her at all. He silently began dressing. She noticed his actions and allowed him to do so.
She was almost finished with her suitcase. She was planning on leaving as soon as he left. Then she was going to drive to meet Broots in Dover. He was waiting for her at a doctor's house, some friends of her "brother's" wife. At least Broots had given her some good news, it seemed May Li was not really Lyle's wife, so that meant she was probably not pregnant. But now the mystery as to why Lyle wanted to kill her mother's friend remained. Broots had driven all the way to Maine to save the man from a pyromaniac Brigitte. Perhaps he knew more than he had told her. She needed to talk to him. And then, she was going to the Centre to find out about her operation. What had they done to her?
Jarod had no idea what was going on in her head. He just assumed it was her fear of emotional commitment making her defensive again. He had finished dressing. He headed for the door, hoping she would at least say good-bye before he left. But nothing. She let him go. Just like that. Without a word.
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As soon as he closed the door. Parker took out the letter he had written and read it again.
"Marisa," it read, "I am sorry to leave without saying good-bye. I didn't want to make it harder for the two of us. I know you are scared. It's okay. Just follow your heart. I'll call you soon. Remember that I love you and I would never hurt you. I know we shall be together again, when the time is right. Jarod."
She glanced at the pictures he left for her. They were from Helen's rehearsal dinner. In one she and Jarod were dancing close; in the one she was standing with Helen and Aunt Bertha. Behind that one, Jarod had written, "I'll never forget you."
Tears appeared in her eyes again. She had been hoping no emotion would show before he left. She had been cold and harsh with him. She hated herself for it, but knew it was the right thing to do. But if so, why were his words tearing her heart? "I'll never forget you." That was what Aunt Bertha's lover told her before he disappeared. When she knew she loved him. That their love was real.
Damn her! Damn him!
There was nothing she could do.
She loved him.
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end of part 7
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sneak preview of the next sections: Jarod finally makes it to Europe in search of the answers to many of his questions. Miss Parker is determined to know what happened to her in March of 1979 and why Lyle wants Ben dead. And Broots makes a deal with May Li.