381 things you learned from Star Wars Continued

 

                        
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76.Don't intimidate, annoy, or otherwise attack any kind of old 
man, or his friends, who has what appears to be a flashlight 
hanging from his waist. 

77.Never build a secret base in cold, arctic regions. 

78.Be prepared for things to go wrong. 

79.Never let a protocol droid try to fix your ship!!!! 

80.Never trust a strange computer. 

81.You'll always have a bad feeling about something. 

82.Don't park in asteroids. 

83.Bacta cures all. 

84.Don't try to make friends via the Death Star com-link (Han 
Solo only). 

85.Never proclaim your "moment of triumph" before it actually 
happens. 

86.If "the Force is strong in this one" and you're not, BACK 
OFF! 

87.The targeting computer is really a worthless piece of junk 
compared to the Force. 

88.The Dark Side is never irrevocable. (Ask Darth, Mara, and 
Kyp) 

89.Never say "watch this" when dealing with a hyperdrive. 

90.When bragging about how fast your car is, tell how 
many "kilometers" you did the DC run in..... 

91.Always change the negative power coupling before going on 
long space voyages. 

92.Remember to TURN ON YOUR COMLINK!!!! 

93.Don't shoot out the controls to a bridge BEFORE you cross the 
bridge. (Stupid farm boy!!!!!!) 

94.Make sure to tell your lover that you have a brother first. 

95.Never tell a teacher who's been teaching for 800 years who to 
teach and who not to teach. 

96."It's not my fault!!!" 

97.Don't ever fake left; you'll lose a hand. 

98.If you want to keep your friends warm, shove them inside a 
dead animal!! 

99.Never leave tools hanging over a friends head unless the ship 
is parked. 

100.If a droid sneaks up on you while you're kissing a princess, 
ignore him. 

101.When parking your spaceship, make sure you aren't in the 
stomach of a huge worm-like monster. 

102.If all else fails, angle the deflector shields. 

103.Never buy droids. 

104.If you ever buy droids, make sure they have a good 
motivator. 

105.If an R2 unit proves to have a bad motivator, do not buy 
another one. 

106.If you really have to buy one, then do NOT remove his 
restraining bolt. 

107.If, in spite of all that, you have removed the restraining 
bolt, then you will have to learn the ways of the Force and 
become a Jedi like your father. (Even if you only wanted to be a 
mere space pilot.) 

108.Guys in black are bad guys. 

109.Guys in white can also be bad guys (in this case, they are 
called stormtroopers). 

110.Beware of transparent or holographic persons, they will 
always cause you trouble ("This droid must be safely delivered 
to Alderaan", "You will go to the Dagobah system", "The son of 
Skywalker must not become a Jedi,"...) 

111.Watch out for those trees. And don't speed!!

112.After toppling an altruistic democracy, seizing control of 
the military, and establishing yourself as supreme dictator, 
it's a good idea to invest in helmets that your troops can see 
through. 

113.Always duck after throwing someone down a ventilation shaft. 

114.If you run a military academy, go over how to deal with 
small, furry opponents. 

115.Don't jump down garbage chutes. 

116.If your father's clothes creak when he walks, be diplomatic 
in his presence. 

117.If you've "always known" that she's your sister, you should 
really try not to touch her like that. 

118.Don't engage in physical displays of affection with tall, 
hairy people who could rip you limb from limb and who get over-
enthusiastic. 

119.The hard part of a jail-break is getting out; plan for it. 

120.Always look for trap doors when consulting with a crime lord 
in his own house. 

121.Whining about power converters makes you look like an idiot. 

122.Don't buy used machinery from people dressed in rags, you 
never know who might come looking for it. 

123.Don't trust people who brag about the speed of their vehicle 
to be subtle, and don't trust them with your sister, either. 

124.NEVER do a Christmas special. 

125.If you teach out of a swamp, you can't expect too much in 
the way of tuition. 

126.People who are "more machine now than human, evil and 
twisted" set a pretty sparse table. 

127.If you're idea of penetrating the enemy's defenses is 
allowing yourself to be captured and attacking during your 
execution, you should probably seek the advice of someone who's 
survived longer. 

128.If somebody cuts your hand off, don't trust him to betray 
his boss for you. 

129.Young men should be wary of getting involved with crazy, old 
hermits who like to be called "Master." 

130.Dead animals usually smell worse on the INSIDE. 

131.If you find Banthas, don't stick around to see where their 
riders are. 

132.Cold weather can cause one to hallucinate. 

133.Don't go chasing falling meteors. 

134.Make sure you always see where your enemy's hands are 
(Greedo in ANH). 

135.Blowing on a torch will not put it out. 

136.Don't stick around to watch a fight. 

137.Droids don't taste good. 

138.Don't use technology you don't understand (Ewoks w/ AT-ST, 
speeder bike). 

139.No matter how protected you are, falling rocks will still 
hurt. 

140.When following a roguish space pirate into the east corridor 
(or wherever), step onto a plank when he stops to listen to you 
so you'll be a little taller. 

141.Keep the Mynocks off the power cables and everything will be 
fine. 

142.Never trust strangers to fix the hyperdrive on your 
freighter. 

143.Never assume that that ship you just tractored into your 
space station is empty, just because your sensors say so. 

144.When the people around you are getting shot, it's usually an 
indication that the guys shooting are bad guys.(take a look at 
the reactions of the troopers in the cell bay in ANH) 

145.Never try to rationalize strategy with an Ewok. Next thing 
you know, they'll steal a speeder bike. Sure, it distracts the 
guards, but it takes away from you sneaking in real quiet-like. 

146.Never chain a Rebel to you and then take your eyes off her; 
she may throttle you. 

147.Aim your crippled fighter at the nearest Super Star 
Destroyer's bridge. 

148.Never assume responsibility if it means you're likely to be 
choked to death. 

149.That green glop your aunt serves you at dinner is good for 
you. (ANH) 

150.Don't talk to strangers in a dark room: they may have 
blasters, and are looking to not be found (ESB). 

               
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