381 things you learned from Star Wars Continued

 

                     
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151.Pray Lord Vader doesn't alter a deal any further than he 
already has. Chances are he will, but arguing is a good way to 
get you killed. 

152.When someone tells you you're walking into a trap... believe 
them. 

153.When your Tauntaun smells something, it's usually a good 
time to high-tail it outta there. 

154.Always convince your astromech droid to not try to 
restraining green senior citizens with big ears; they may start 
banging on you with their Gimer stick. 

155.When someone says they knew your father was a great warrior, 
it usually means something important. Take notice: they just 
gave you one hell of a big hint about who they are. (sheesh, 
these farmboys today...) 

156.Always allow your opponent to cut you down if it means 
making things more dramatic. 

157.When the guy from the previous rule gets cut down, try not 
to stand around screaming. Try blasting something... like a 
door. 

158.Don't turn your back on the parent of the kid you're zapping 
with lightning bolts. 

159.If the guy you love announces he's leaving, don't say 
something like "That's right." 

160.Make sure you aren't so fat you can't get away from an 
exploding Sail Barge. 

161.If your translator droid pisses you off, just plug him into 
the hyperdrive. Either that or just shut him off. 

162.Try not to fly side-by-side when flying through a narrow 
passage. (ANH & ESB) 

163.If you've got a malfunction, you can't do much good to 
anyone, so clear out of the attack on that giant space station. 

164.When someone tells you to eject, it's probably a good idea. 

165.Never try to blast a garbage compactor's walls -- they are 
magnetically sealed!!!!! 

166.I'd just as soon kiss a Wookiee!!! 

167.Don't ever leave without giving a goodbye kiss!!!!! 

168.If someone tries to roast you over an open fire -- try to 
blow it out. 

169.Let go of your conscious self and rely on instinct!!!! 

170.The target area is ONLY two meters wide!!!!! 

171.Pay off your debts ASAP. 

172.Never underestimate the powers of any Jedi (or the Force for 
that matter). 

173.(Corollary to previous rule) If a Jedi offers you a bargain, 
TAKE IT!! 

174.You shouldn't always listen to your parents; there may be 
times when they aren't thinking straight. 

175.When having your hyperdrive fixed, you should always check 
it to make sure the work has actually been done. 

176.Sometimes it is smart to listen to little green Muppets. 

177.You really should fire on lifepods whether there are signs 
of life or not (to stormtroopers only). 

178.When a Hutt tells you that your Jedi mind tricks won't work, 
believe him. 

179.When you say that you are "ready for anything," actually be 
ready for anything (like two guys trying to pick a fight). 

180.If your ship is bigger than a city, don't bring it into an 
asteroid field. 

181.Don't give in to your anger. 

182.Grasping at your throat will not stop the choking. 

183.Freezing people in liquid carbonite makes a good wall 
decoration. 

184.Never torture a power droid... 

185.You should always have a co-pilot that speaks a language 
that only you understand. 

186.Don't taunt those on the Dark Side of the Force. 

187.Sometimes it is better not to apologize or take the blame. 

188.Make sure that you can see clearly before firing a blaster. 

189.When pulled over by "the man", simply say, "You don't need 
to see his identification. These aren't the droids you're 
looking for. Move along." It works everytime, I guarantee it!!! 

190.If you ever build a throne room, NEVER put a great big shaft 
leading to a big nuclear reactor right in the center of the 
room. 

191.Never make your droids OR your sister do your dirty work!!! 

192.It is not wise to upset a Wookiee. 

193.A party of two can be very effective in chasing down a squad 
of stormtroopers. 

194.When you are told to close the blast doors, DON'T DO IT! 

195.Away put your weapon, I mean you no harm. 

196.When rescuing someone formulate an escape plan before you 
attempt the rescue. 

197.No reward is worth rescuing a girl, princess or not, who 
leads you into garbage and calls your best friend and first mate 
a "walking carpet". 

198.Never trust anyone when they say, "The hyperdrive is fixed!" 

199.If you have the money, stop telling Jabba and just pay him. 

200.Never accept a job that reports directly to Darth Vader. 

201.Armor just makes you easier to hit. 

202.Get in that chute, flyboy! 

203.Buying someone a drink won't stop them from trying to fight 
you. 

204.Judge someone by their grammar you should not. 

205.An entire planet could have only one climate (Tatooine, 
Hoth, Endor). 

206.Beware of tremors in the Force. 

207.Protocol droids are lousy story tellers. 

208.Apparently one human would be able to feed an entire tribe 
of Ewoks. 

209.It's difficult to send a clear transmission in an asteroid 
field. 

210.When travelling at intense speeds, don't turn around an look 
behind you. 

211.A lightsaber can cut through anything (from Tauntaun to AT-
AT). 

212.The Force can influence the weak-minded. 

213.The handle of a lightsaber looks an awful lot like a 
flashlight. 

214.Even in a galaxy far, far away... Tupperware is still being 
used. (ANH) 

215.Try not to get caught under the legs of an AT-AT. 

216.Imperial probe droids have a self-destruct mechanism. 

217.If you do not believe, you will always fail. 

218.Tennis shoes make great fighting ships. (ROTJ) 

219.Stormtroopers seem to have inferior training and armor. 

220.Everything has a weakness, it's just a matter of exploiting 
it: 

Emperor - overconfident 
Luke - faith in his friends 
Death Star - thermal exhaust port 
Stormtroopers - Ewoks 
Star Destroyers - bridge deflector shields 
Darth Vader - compassion for his kids 
Leia - smugglers 
Chewie - dead animals hanging from trees 
Threepio - frail body 

221.Bottom line, the first time you fight your father, he IS 
going to kick your sorry ass. 

222.When flying objects come at you from behind, for Pete's 
sake, DUCK!!!!!! 

223.When stealing a skiff, MAKE SURE it's the one with the 
magnetic thingies on the bottom!!! 

224.If you are ever in a duel, and you get in a tight spot, grab 
the nearest pipe and blow smoke in their face -- never fails. 

225.Learn Ubese, you never know when you might need it!!!! 

                    
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