Room 101 - Who Cares About Being a Millionaire?

OK then, so it can pull in 19 million viewers. OK then, so it offers a million quid for a top prize. OK then, perhaps it is hypocritical of me to put this in Room 101 when I gave it seven out of ten on my own page. Why did I give it a good mark? Because it IS good. And yet at the same time so annoying.

Chris Tarrant for instance. Yes, he's a good host and yes, he draws out the tension, but do we need to know after every question the rules of the game and how many lifelines they have left when the functional on-screen graphics tell us exactly this but without slowing the show down? And why must he do this so much during the early questions when, let's face it, nobody cares? We're really not that stupid.

Chris Tarrant is a horrible, spiteful, nasty little man. Who else could make someone so intent on an answer use up a lifeline, only to find that they were going to go for that answer anyway? Why does he do this? It is because he is obviously a git. And yet we love him for it, even though we don't actually.

And yet thanks to him, we now have that hilarious comedy cliche where someone will ask a question and then go 'Is that your final answer?' Gets me every time. Here then is my hilarious play wittlily titled: "Chris Tarrant at Home. Is That Your Final Answer?"

Chris Tarrant At Home: Is That Your Final Answer?

[Intro: Chris is at home with his nephew or something. Chris is looking after his nephew]

Chris: OK then, you can have some sweets. What do you want?
Nephew (who for sake of argument we shall call Steve): I'd like some Smarties please!
[Hilarious denouement approaching. Read and learn]
Chris: Is that your final answer?

THE END

If anyone wants to perform this play at any point you have my permission to do so. In fact, you can also write a bit more if you want. Perhaps you can drag it out so that Steve can phone a friend. Perhaps you can get Steve's parents to come through the door just after Steve finally decides. Perhaps you can find an innuendo laiden reference to masturbation in 'Fastest fingers first', the choice really is yours.

And because of this, the show is becoming a tad dull. Giving away £64,000/£125,000 is very exciting the first couple of times it happens but sadly it gets a bit same old same old very quickly. People are too scared to go any higher.

And when interesting contestants do come on they always gamble and lose. Perhaps the questions are too hard. But top marks for being interesting.

I'm still waiting for the day when Chris Tarrant gets a slap from a contestant. That will be funny.

Who cares about being a millionaire?