I woke today and found myself looking around the house as though I were searching for something, some type of simple answer to rid me of this painful, lonely existence. I searched long... but, I found no simple answers. Instead, I seemed to stumble upon many gentle reminders of my endless love for you. 

Memories seemed to be everywhere.

As I turned on the morning news, i saw the living room not as I normally would, but, as a private, special world in which we had shared many precious moments together. How easily I could have spent all of eternity cuddled up on *that* chair with you, holding you, sharing special secrets or interesting new ideas. Maybe just sharing some good conversation, or an occasional dream. That chair, where at times we held each other SO tightly... hoping that maybe the tighter we held, the longer the moment would last. Maybe we could make time stand still.

I *felt* your presence... *heard*! your throaty laughter, as I padded in to the kitchen, to start some coffee. Light-headed, I steadied myself against the counter, the task forgotten, as I was drawn in by the memory of our "gourmet dinner" that turned in to a food fight and ended with us eating Pizza off one another.

The wind whispered your name, as I looked down in to the courtyard, and saw us lying on the grass, under our swaying willow tree. Lazy Sundays spent with one another, while we fed one another lunch with our fingers. A chuckle escaped my lips as I recalled your surprising me. Oh, the laughter that these walls have heard! There were times in which I felt I would be overcome with all of the happiness and spontaneous giggles that we shared. Times when we were so doubled over with that giddy feeling, so out-of-control, that our stomach muscles were sore! What an exquisite pain that was.

Pain

Every so often, the pleasure of our love became so very intense, that it crossed over into the realm of pain. Sometimes, when I would look in to your eyes, or when I would feel your strong, reassuring arms around me, I would cross over that boundary. The love in my heart became so heightened, so overwhelming, that I would ache with need for you, with the need to become truly one with you, draw you into my being, and merge with your soul. Such a painfully exquisite ache ...

Pain and Pleasure

I ventured into the bedroom ... Such beautiful memories... The "exquisite torture" of it all nearly overwhelmed me. I saw in my minds' eye a vision so full of passion and light, I felt the need to shield my eyes, not in order to hide from it, but rather, protect myself from the blinding white heat that emanated off my memories of us. A heat that could only develop as a result of the sometimes uncontrollable passion that arose between you and I. A passion that was, at times, all encompassing. Frenzied passion that demanded nothing but immediate attention. Unhurried passion in which we were comfortable to languidly explore one another, with no demands or expectations but to simply enjoy each others touch. Musical passion that began as a single note in the back of our minds, and played steadily on to reach a brilliant crescendo ...

Each priceless memory is etched into my mind and into my heart. Never before, and never, never! again, will I find a love as magical as ours.

A solitary tear slid down my cheek, and landed on the comforter, leaving a spot that was a little bit darker than it should have been. A tear of sadness, for what could possibly have been? And also, a tear of joy, for the wondrous beauty that we had shared, however brief. I closed my eyes, and saw your face, then turned and shut the door... I called in sick, then drew the blinds, and prepared myself to face yet another endless day filled with..............