To all that have read my website, trust me when I tell you that all I have done, and have yet to do has not been easy. The storm has taken its toll in damages. I only hope and pray that with time, all the damage that has occurred will be repaired. Trust is something that used to evade me. I still struggle from time to time, trusting myself, but with each day that passes, my inner strength allows me to trust just a bit more than the day before. Loving myself was something I never really thought about. Many have told me, you can never truely love anyone, until you love yourself. I always thought that couldn't possibly be true, because I have loved others. What I didn't realize was that although I loved others, I could never fully love them, until I loved myself first. I was always brought up to believe that loving yourself was self centered. Funny how things from a young age stick with you. I have learned that isn't the case at all. You need to feel for yourself. That must be the first rule. I didn't conquer the monster without the love of myself or my family.
In retrospect, any relationship is made up of storms and clearing skies. It is how you apply what you've learned from your storm that will guide you to the clearing skies. The clearing skies doesn't mean that the storm is over forever. There will always be pitfalls, as there are in any relationship. No one person can tell you how to deal with your storm but you. It is your love of yourself and your relationship with that other person that will see you through the roughest part, to the clearing on the other side. Faith in yourself, Hope in your relationship, and Love for yourself as well as the other person. That is the best advice anyone can give.
As for myself and my husband, we are working our way back to one another. He is still battling a few wind gusts that remain, and I am still struggling with trusting myself. Everything worth while takes time, and this is one relationship I will spend the rest of my life putting back together. You must believe in yourself and value what relationships you have in order to honestly commit your life to cleaning up the mess the storms leave behind. These truisms are life lessons my storm has already taught me. Communication with others, love, honesty, and respect all must go hand in hand, not only with others but with yourself. In Shakespear's "Hamlet", one of the phrases said rings very true in every relationship: "To thine own self be True".
Looking back on all that has come before, I find myself sighing a breathe of relief. To look back and see where I have been, knowing in my heart I never want to walk that road again. I have found within myself a new person, someone who deserves to love and to be loved. All the years that have come before, I was a shell of an adult person, yearning for the chance to be just who I wanted to be, but consumed, by the pain and fear from within. I am learning with each passing day to look deep inside myself, to the person within the walls I had built so long ago. I have found a new world, worth exploring, and excitedly I find myself pushing forward towards brighter tomorrows.
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