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Falling Alone
Spinning. Spinning. Turning around and around trying to see what is hiding in plain sight behind closed eyes. You don’t know what you do because you can’t see through your lies to know what pain you might cause in trying to end your own. You do what you think you must, but all you really see is the shattered reflection of the truth that you’re trying to hide from the rest of the world. You hide your scars with more scars until you can’t find where you begin and the blade ends. You paint a picture that you claim is your life, but you hide behind the broken pieces of where reality and fantasy cross and you don’t know how to make the two meet without shattering so you just keep losing yourself between one and the other never sure where you might end up broken and alone. Taking the chance that you really don’t have any other choices you make the one you feel you must even while you know where it will take you. You’ve been there before and you know it isn’t a place you want to go back to. Still, you keep walking until there’s no farther you can go. You stand at the edge of that cliff and wonder if you jumped would you find the bottom or would you just fall forever. Leaning closer you think that maybe neither of those choices would be that bad and that maybe it would be nice to know what’s down there and see if it’s any better than what’s at the top. There is no one there to stop you, there never has been. You take a step, then another one. One more and you’ve stepped off the edge and the feeling of weightlessness is truly heavy as you fall and fly all at once. The bottom comes slowly and you watch it come at you and wonder if it will shatter you when you hit, but at least you made the choice to find out. You close your eyes, you don’t want to see it anymore… and when you open them you’re at the bottom… and the top, and you realize that they were always the same because nothing changes and it’s always the same thing, over and over. You always end where you started because there is nowhere else to go when you’re falling alone.
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